Accepting Owen (Emilia's Perspective)

Chapter Four

He held my hand as we walked through the front door of his house. "This is where I live for now. Here's the kitchen. The living room is that way. Then my room, bathroom, and there's another room down the hallway."

He leaned against a bar counter, so I turned around to face him. When he reached up, his hand fingers covered my cheekbone to my neck, and his thumb rubbed so gently across my lips it made them tingle.

A fluttering in my belly made me step closer, so that our chests were almost touching. I stared into his deep brown eyes, trying to form thoughts, but all I could do was feel, as he continued to stroke my lips.

"In three days, we'll be married," he whispered. "It's crazy, but... right now, the way you're looking at me, I think we'll be okay."

I nodded. "Of course we will. We just have to be patient with each other, and give ourselves the time we need to get used to everything."

"For a first date, this is the best one I've ever been on," he said with a smirk.

"I've never been on a date, so I wouldn't know."

"I didn't even think about that. So, you've never dated?"

"There wouldn't have been a point, so no. I mean, it's not like I completely ignored all guys. I've danced with guys at the club, but they always make me uncomfortable at some point. Last night, my friends convinced me to let some guy buy me a drink, and then he kept trying to kiss me, so I left." I felt nervous as I finished the sentence. Is Owen going to kiss me?

"So, you don't date, don't kiss?" he questioned.

"It's complicated. I have kissed guys before. I just haven't since high school. After I graduated, it felt weird to give my attention to guys. I didn't want to get feelings involved in something that could never last. The guy from 252 last night could never have meant anything to me."

"Did you always feel weird around your friends while they were dating, or looking to date, and you weren't?"

"No, because the chances of them getting their hearts broken is higher than mine. Arranged marriages work out better, and knowing that my parents were going to pick someone for me meant a lot to me. It's been a tradition in our family since before history started being written. I don't have to date multiple men and waste time with them."

"Did you have any say in who he picked?"

"Not so much. I didn't know he was talking to your family, or if he ever talked to any others. I think there were a couple times where I tried to ask what he was looking for, and he said he would know it when he found it."

Owen chuckled slightly, rubbing his hand down my arm until he got to my hand. "I think he likes that I'm an outsider."

"Everyone always said his biggest struggle was going to be finding someone who can handle me," I jeered, hoping to get a reaction from him.

"I think I can handle you."

"Oh, do you now? My dad obviously believes you can 'put me in my place'."

"He never mentioned that to me as a requirement. I'm not interested in putting you in a place, anyway. You make your own place, and it's likely to change over time. So, there's no point in me trying to force you to be something you're not."

I looked at the ceiling, trying to get away from the feelings trapped between us. "I really want to kiss you right now," I  whispered. I felt my cheeks flush with heat and my heart pounded.

"So do it," he whispered back, stepping closer so I could feel the warmth from his body.

I hung my head back further, feeling more embarrassed than I had been since I was fifteen. "No, you," I prodded.

He took a breath like he was going to say something, but instead, he pulled my face closer to him, and very gently pressed his lips to mine.

I gripped his body with both arms, but he pulled away before I wanted him, too.

"Why are you crying?" He wiped at my tears with his thumbs.

"I'm not- I mean I am, but I'm happy. I'm just a freak I guess." I covered my face and laughed, stepping backwards to gain distance from him. I lost my footing and started to fall, but he caught me.

"I think you're having a panic attack," he said calmly. "Let's sit down."

As I sat on the couch he showed me to, he knelt in front of me. I covered my face with my hands as I laughed and sobbed at the same time.

"Breathe with me. Take a breath in," he coached, "blow it out."

I tried to follow his instructions, keeping eye contact as I forced air into my deprived lungs.

"You're safe. If you need space, let me know."

I shook my head. "Less space," I mumbled. I felt like I was losing my mind. I had never had an episode like that in front of anyone before, and my future husband was watching me lose my mind on the first day I met him. What a great first impression!

He sat next to me on the couch and circled his arms around me, squeezing me so tightly, but it helped. "This is probably really overwhelming for you. There's a lot of emotions we're both feeling. We're in this together."

"Im going to scare you away," I sobbed.

"No, sweetheart. No, you aren't. You're human. I told you you're more than just charisma-"

"Yeah, I'm crazy too," I complained.

"Oh, hush. You're scared, and excited, and confused. You have emotions. That's an amazing thing! They're telling you something! Your emotions are there to tell you that your life is about to change, but you're still hopeful that it will go well. I'm hopeful, too. I told you, vulnerability is important. I don't think you've ever had someone you can truly be vulnerable with, but you can with me. I think you can sense that."

I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, feeling my racing heart slowly return to a normal pace. "I feel better. I'm sorry for-"

He squeezed me tighter for a second, before releasing me and sitting back. "Don't apologize for showing me how you feel. I need to see it so I can know how to help. If you hide it from me, then you're taking responsibility for everything. I want us to have a different relationship than that."

I covered my face. "I'm so embarrassed either way. No one has ever seen me like that."

"Own it. You have emotions, because you're human. The situation we're in is overwhelming, no matter how prepared you think you are. You're doing the strongest thing possible by showing me the way you feel, being honest with me, and trusting me with that. Which you can, you can trust me like that. I'm here for you. We're going into a marriage, basically as strangers. There are going to be tough times, I guarantee it, but if we are honest with each other about our feelings, we'll make it through it!"

"You're so different from anyone I've ever met. Was your childhood a fairy tale?"

He giggled. "No, but I imagine you probably have had more traumatic experiences than I have."

I scoffed. "Yeah, that's... likely true."