bts ao3 stories (smut)

paint - vmin (2)

"Hey Yoongi?" Taehyung starts carefully, lying on his stomach on Jin's living room floor, kicking his legs gently back and forth and putting on his most innocent eyes. "Would you-"

"No."

"You don't even know what I was going to say."

"You were going to ask me to hook you up with Jimin."

Taehyung's eyes widen incrementally before he manages to control his expression. "No."

"You put 'ask Yoongi for the hook-up' on your Google calendar, which I DO NOT know why you shared with me, by the way," he replies evenly. "And my answer is no."

"What?? Why??" Taehyung whines, pushing himself to his knees and dragging himself across the carpet to where Yoongi is seated. He grabs a hold of his legs.

Yoongi makes a displeased noise and tries to pry Taehyung's desperate, clinging fingers from the fabric of his pants. "Ew, what is this orange shit on your hands, did you like bathe in Cheetos?"

"Cheese balls are my stress food, Yoongi, literally doctor's orders. Which is why you need to work with me on this. I'm dying over here. Come on, I'll do anything, pleaaaase?"

"No."

"Look I am recently 85% straight, meaning that I would probably let you suck my toe as you jerk off or something, in exchange for his Instagram handle."

"Jin, come collect him!" Yoongi shouts, straining to get away, reaching with all his might for something on the side table, grunting in effort. Taehyung grabs his reaching hand with pleading eyes.

"No! Shh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. No need to bring Jin into this. I'm chill."

"You are the opposite of chill. And get off of me, you are seriously covered in cheese dust."

Taehyung's eyes brighten suddenly, and he drags his disgusting cheese-covered hands up to press them against Yoongi's face. Yoongi flails making a disgusted noise as Taehyung rubs his grimy orange fingers all over his skin. "Just his Instagram, Yoongi. Just his Instagram and this can all be over."

"Never!" Yoongi struggles, arms reaching again towards the end table.

"Yoooooongiiiiiii!"

He only shuts up when he feels a jarring, cold wetness hit his face, screwing his eyes up to protect them and releasing Yoongi's pants so that he can shield himself. When peeks his eyelids open after a moment of silence, he sees Yoongi holding one of Jin's spray bottles that he uses for cleaning, looking uncharacteristically uncertain, still leaning away, gauging Taehyung's reaction.

"Did you just spray me in the face like a fucking dog? With a potentially dangerous chemical?"

Yoongi shrugs. "It worked."

Taehyung gawks at him before lunging again. He is stopped mid-lunge with another icy blast of liquid, and he goes tumbling dramatically back onto the floor. "MOTHERFUCK- wait is that vodka.

-
-

"It's a natural disinfectant," Jin huffs snootily as they walk to the club. "Excuse me if I don't want to be surrounded by harsh chemicals in my home. And you're welcome by the way, otherwise you would have gotten a face full of poison."

"Yeah, because of YOUR boyfriend," Taehyung protests.

"He's not my boyfriend," Jin sighs. "And he thought the bottle was filled with water."

"I call bullshit on both accounts. He's got it in for me. And Jin, you cook dinner for him literally every night."

"Because I'm a menu consultant, dumbass. I've gotta try my recipes out on someone. I mean, if you think about it, he's actually doing me a favor, trying out my new dishes."