𝘾𝙍𝘼𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙄𝙉𝙏𝙊 𝙔𝙊𝙐 ↣ 𝙊𝙉𝙀 𝘿𝙄𝙍𝙀𝘾𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉

thirty-six - no control

[you told me it was over
but your clothes say different
on my bedroom floor]

________________________________

[TWO WEEKS LATER]

"Thank god," I sighed, walking into the kitchen. "I thought I was here alone."

Liam looked up from his bowl of cereal. "I'm not here, this is a hologram," he said seriously. I raised my eyebrows and he laughed loudly. "Would it be so bad if you were here alone?"

"I mean... not really, I guess. One of you guys has always been with me. Like, since we met. I might get lonely," I laughed.

"Maybe you should get some friends," Liam teased.

"I have friends!" I argued.

"Who?"

"Uh, Cassie?"

"She's in New York."

"We're still friends!"

"Not to call you out or anything, but have you had any actual interaction with people outside of the boys and interviewers since the tour ended?" 

"I mean-" I paused and thought for a moment.

I really hadn't.

"Shit," I laughed. I sat down across from him and poured myself a bowl of cereal.

"You need a hobby," Liam commented casually. He shoveled another spoons worth of Cheerios into his mouth.

"I have music. That's a hobby, isn't it?"

"It's your job."

"So?"

"You need something to distract you, peaches. Something you can do and not have to think about work, or about Lou, or any of us. You need something that's yours."

"Okay, so what about you, then? What's your hobby?"

"I like to cook," he said simply.

As I thought about it, I realized he did cook for us most of the time. We would order pizza, or one of the boys would offer to make food, or I would get bullied into it. But most of the time, it was Liam.

"What did you do for fun before we met?" Liam asked.

I thought for a minute. The question involved me thinking about who I was pre-One Direction, and that was something I didn't often do.

The girl I am now and the girl I was seven months ago were two entirely different people.

"I played soccer, no, football," I corrected myself, "Lizzie and I, we were on a club team for years."

"You mentioned that right after we met, I think. Were you any good?"

"Yeah," I said, smiling softly. "I was good. Even when I was being abused the way I was, I was still good. That's how Lizzie and I met, actually."

"Why don't you ever talk about anything from before we met?" Liam asked.

I swallowed.

"Because I don't want it to matter," I said.

"But it does matter. You had a life before us, you know? It's okay that you existed," Liam said with a shrug.

It wasn't okay that I existed. I was punished for existing. Existing was simple, but actually living was one of the things I had to learn.