Toxic - Luke Hemmings

Chapter 55

Izzy's POV

I slept on the couch that night, and I waited until everyone went to their rooms before coming back inside. It was a horrific way to start off this little getaway, but at that point it was sad to say everyone was probably used to it. Something always had to go wrong, and I hated the fact that they all came here for Luke and I, but we were the reason it went south. Sophie jolted me awake around 11, and she asked me to come outside with her.

"Do you wanna talk about what the hell happened last night?" She asked, but she wasn't really giving me room to say no with the tone in her voice.

"I don't even know, Soph. I don't know what I'm doing." I sighed, pulling out the pack of cigarettes I stole from god knows who and lighting one.

"Tensions are high right now. You both just need to calm down and talk it over without yelling." She tried to make it sound like this was an easy fix, but it just wasn't.

"I love him so much, but we just can't work things out. Every time we get into it we just go after each other, and I can't help but feel like we're better off going our own ways." I took a puff off the cigarette as I processed that I just said that out loud.

"If that's what you want, I support you. You know that. But is it really what you want?" She asked softly, and I knew the answer was no. I didn't want to lose him, but it felt like the road we were going down wasn't a healthy one. And I already knew he was having second thoughts about all of this, too.

"I want him to stop being bipolar. I want him to have faith in our relationship for once. I have my own shit to work on, but he keeps circling back to the same things that pushed us apart the last time." I told her, taking another drag as I tried to wash out the aggravation.

"There are things that you just can't change, no matter how much you try. You signed up for it, knowing damn well that he had a temper. I'm not saying you deserve it, but you knew what you were getting into, Izz. If you want out you have to be sure about it." Sophie was right, and I couldn't even bring myself to tell her otherwise. I flicked the ash off the end of the cigarette, watching it flutter down to the patio down below.

"I don't think that's something I'll ever be sure about." I said quietly. She pulled me into a hug after I blew the smoke out, and I rested my chin on her shoulder. "We keep tearing each other apart and I don't even think we know why anymore." My voice cracked, and the second that happened I had a few tears escaping down my cheeks.

"If it's toxic you should leave. I know it's not what you want, but I'd rather see you end it now before you two hate each other. If this was the last straw, I'm here for you." She rubbed my back as I tried to wipe the tears away.

"I just don't want to give up. We just got the apartment, and we stopped fighting. He controlled his temper for months, and this just wrecked it all." I pulled away from her so I could get myself together and keep smoking. At that point, the only thing that had kept me sane after last night was nicotine.

"If he's done it before, he can do it again, Izz. If you really think it's possible for him to do, then don't let me tell you otherwise." She leaned on the railing with me, looking to see how I was going to respond to that.

"Maybe it really is just me that's the problem." I said, blankly staring off at the mountains.

"Last night wasn't your fault. I heard everything, he came at you right from the start." She defended me, even if it was from myself. If I had just seriously talked to him about it, that shit show of a fight maybe wouldn't have happened. But knowing Luke, if he was actually having those second thoughts about us he very well could have been looking for a fight.