Quarantine Boys

Part 5: The Feeling

(It's the next morning now.)

I woke up to see another snap notification from Jordan. I, not wanting to open it yet, just went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. On the way there I think about what he probably sent. Did he send me another apology video? Did he just text me saying that it was a joke? I hope not that.

As I go to brush my teeth, I look at myself in the mirror. I see a regular 16 year old, black, gay, tall, boy who has very bushy hair and smooth looking black skin. Me describing myself that way somewhat hypes me up. It makes me feel better about how I look. I know some people definitely hate on people like me and I have been hated on, which is why I try to uplift myself when I can.

As I put the toothbrush down, I go to get my cleanser. I put it on my face and close my eyes. Then I open them back up. I look into the mirror, only to see a quick glimpse of what looked like Jordan behind me. It was like a flash. Quick. Either I really am thinking about him or he just really must be engraved in my mind at this point. He is just trying to be annoying. Like how are you going to apologize to me now. You bullied me last year, bruh. I mean he probably has seen the error of his ways. He did say he was working on himself with his therapist and he is really cute. Wait...I can't be thinking about how cute he is. His nice eyes and big muscles just make me weak to even think about but I need to stop thinking about that.

I rinse my face and go back to my room. Then I pick up my phone to open up my snap. He texted me. He texted me last night but it said that he deleted a message and this morning he sent me a good morning text with a smile next to it. I responded with this emoji "hmmm" emoji or 🤔.

Confusion hit me hard. But then I realized that he likes me and probably wants to text me. He's going to have to prove that he has truly changed in order for me to actually want to have a full conversation with him. He did apologize both verbally and in text. He seemed genuine. Honestly I think that I won't be able to forgive him but I am able to continue moving on.

He responded by saying, "How did you sleep last night?" Um...first of all what? Why is he asking me this? Like last night you were making me emotional about the pain you caused me and then confusing me by telling me you like me. Then on top of that you go and say 'OH HOW'D YOU SLEEP LAST NIGHT?' Like how am I supposed to respond to him. Should I say, "Other than you confusing me and making me cry, I slept pretty good. Wbu?" Yeah....no.

I, of course, respond because I just do. Maybe part of me forgives his sorry ass and wants to forget about what he did. I send him the word "Fine." Just like that. The word fine with the period after. I hope he understands that means to stop texting me.

As soon as the text sends, his bitmoji pops up and he starts typing. Like bruh what are you doing? Don't you know the period means stop? Everyone knows that...right? He sends a voice message. Not going to even lie with you I got excited cause I want to hear his deep voice again. He said, "Hey Alex. Uhh...I hope you're doing well today. I just want you to know that I am sorry again." I send a voice message back saying, "You know you don't have to apologize so much. I moved on from what you did to me. I don't understand why you keep talking to me. Please stop." He said, "If you really want me to stop, you would have blocked me already."

He made me think long and hard about that one. That was true. Why didn't I block him. I mean I keep telling him to stop texting me but I get excited when he texts me. What does this mean? WAIT...I think I just realized what I am feeling...