Back To School - A Plants Vs Zombies Fanfiction Prequal

Study Less, Party Harder! - Chapter 3

Saturday Night
7:30 PM

Me: Yeah, fuck you Bitch! Why don't you eat a dick!? Fucking Faggot! Damnit! Shit, you made me lose ho!
My sister opens my door and walks in.
Leah: What the hell are you yelling about?
Me: I'm playing Grand Theft Apple V
Leah: GTA5?
Me: Yeah, I'm on my PlantStation 4. Wait, what are doing here and not doing at Brad's?
Leah: Well, me and Brad aren't talking anymore
Me: You guys broke up? Why?
Leah: I found out he was cheating on me with some random bitch three years younger than him!
Me: Oof, that sucks
Leah: Yeah! Tell me about it! She's so ugly, and pathetic! She works at Pizza Slut!
Me: Wow, that is pathetic. I'm never gonna be so pathetic that I have to work there
Leah: Yeah, I wouldn't count on it
Me: Hey what time is it?
Leah: Uh, Let me check... 7:35
Me: 7:35!? Shit, I got to go!
Leah: Your grounded remember? Mom and Dad are in the living room, there's no way your going through there without getting caught
Me: I'm not going through there, I'm sneaking out through my window!
Leah: Smart, I guess.
Me: Your not gonna snitch right?
Leah: What? No!
I look at Leah, confused.
Me: Why?
Leah: Because I'm sneaking out too
Me: You are?
Leah: I'm going to some nerd's party
Me: Is that "Nerd's" name Zack?
Leah: Yeah, don't tell me we're going to the same party...
Me: We are
Leah: Well, I can drive you if you want
Me: Hell Yeah Bitches!
Leah: Exscuse me?
Me: Shit, its just something I scream when I'm excited
Leah: Your such a fuck up
Me: I can live with that

20 Minutes Later

Me: Yo, thanks for driving me here Leah
Leah: Shut up Richard, I don't want to be seen with your wierd ass at all in this party. Got it?
Me: Yeah yeah, whatever
I get out of Leah's car and walk inside Zack's house. I'm greeted to a Wall-Nut that looks way to old to be with a bunch of teens and twenty-year-olds.
Wall-Nut: Hey! Wheres your invite?Oh shit, we only got one. Angelo had it, so there's no way in!
Angelo: Yo, Frank. He's with me.
Frank the Wall-Nut: Alright, sorry bout' the mishap. Come right in, dork.
Me: Heh, okay then.
Angelo: Welcome to the party dickhead!
Me: What's up Asswipe.
We both laugh at our friendly insults.
Angelo: You come with Austin? Jake's already here.
Me: No I came here, uhh. By myself, yeah. My sister didn't take me, I snuck out and walked here.
Angelo: Damn, sick dude!
Angelo fist bumps me.
Jake: Ay, Richard! You made it! I was afraid you weren't gonna come.
Me: Oh I'll cum alright, hopefully in a bitch!
Jake: I mean, Jerseys here.
Me: She is!? I mean, eh I don't care.
Angelo: Really nigga? You so wanna cum inside her don't you?
Me: Have you seen them fucking curves!? She's got one of the sexiest bodies in the entire highschool!
Angelo: I guess that's true.
Jake: I'm just tryna smash Sarah Ho tonight.
Angelo: She's here? You already know her entire party is gonna be in the master bathroom.
We all laugh.
Me: Holy shit guys! I just realized, Sarah Ho is a Blover, and that's why shes so good at blowing!
Angelo and Jake: Oh shit!
We all start laughing, very loud. Zack notices us and walks towards us.
Zack: Hey, what are the three stooges doing at my party?
He laughs.
Me: Good one!
Zack: Drinks are over in the kitchen, we got spiked punch, whiskey, and some weed. Help yourself!
Me: Shit! I didn't bring my bong!
Zack: It's cool dude, we got some spare ones over there, just know you will be sharing, I mean... Nobody brought a bong so anybody who wants to smoke is gonna be all up on that shit.
Jake: Got it.
Zack: Alright, see you dudes around.
Zack walks away and starts talking to some other groups of people.
Me: Guys, I think I'm gonna have a drink, Or two, Or maybe three.
Angelo: Or more like fifteen!
Me: Yeah right!
Jake: Dude, I'd say your limit is five shots.
Me: Damn, alright. Well imma go take some straight shots.
Us three walk up to the kitchen counter and we all pour a shot of whiskey. We all hold up our shots, ready to toast.
Me: To being cool kids!
All three of us: Yeah!
We clink glasses and swig the shots in seconds.
Jake: Shit, I need a chaser.
Angelo: What's that?
Jake: You don't know what a Chaser is?
Angelo: Uh no. I don't drink that often.
Me: Well, a 'Chaser' is a random drink you take a swig of after drinking some alcohol so you don't taste as much of the alcohol, and it settles it down more.
Angelo: Oh! That makes sense. What kind of chasers do they have here?
Jake: Let me check... Orange juice, water, apple juice, and Mountain Dew.
Me and Angelo: Well take Mountain Dew.
We look at each other and laugh.
Jake: And I'll take the same!
Jake pours us all a shot of mountain dew in our glasses for a quick chaser drink.
Jake: WooHoo! Fuck everything! I'm dropping out of fucking highschool bitches!

After about thirty minutes of walking around Zack's huge house and talking to people. Me, Jake, and Angelo decide to split up. Jake said it would be easier to get a bitch if we weren't all together, I guess that makes sense. I walk through the living room and look up at the dj. Holy shit, that's my friend, Ethan! He's also my dealer, meaning I get my weed and shit from him. I decide to walk up to his station and talk to him.
Ethan: Sir, we do not take requests on beats or music.
Me: Yo, Ethan It's me.
Ethan: Oh shit. Richard?
Me: Yeah! What's popping my man?
Ethan: I mean, I'm prolly the oldest at the party. So I feel like a wierd ass pervert.
Me: How old are you again?
Ethan: I'm twenty-six
Me: Dude, your fine. The bouncer they got at the door looks like he's forty!
Ethan: Damn, I do not feel that bad anymore.
We both laugh. Then some bloomerang walks up to us.
Ethan: Hey man, I already told your stupid ass. We don't take song requests.
Bloomerang: Then why are you talking to this ugly ass dude?
Me: Bitch you wanna fucking figh- wait. Conner?
Conner the Bloomerang: Yeah that's the name. Don't wear it out.
Me: Holy shit dude, why the hell are you at the party?
Conner: Because I was invited you fucking retard.
Me: Really? But you suck dick! Not like actual dick, but your a douchebag.
Conner: The fuck you all me you retard?
Ethan: Hey! Get the fuck back down there to get rejected, or things finna get nasty.
Conner: What the hell you gonna do about you short oompa loompa looking retard?
Ethan pulls out a Glock and points it at Conner.
Ethan: Keep saying shit, I fucking dare you. Don't make me pull this goddamn trigger, I ain't got no shame cappin' a mentally unstable person!
Conner: Mentally unstable!? I'm actually not autistic in any way shape or form. So call me mentally unstable again you reta-
Ethan cocks back his Glock.
Conner: Nevermind!
Conner runs his ass back down to the party, disappearing in the crowd.
Me: Fuck dude, that was awesome!
Ethan: You know I got your back man.
Me: Shit, thanks dude.
Ethan: No problem, anytime.
Me: Alright, I'm gonna try to clap some cheeks tonight.
Ethan: You finally Bouta lose your V-card! That's wassup.
Me: That's the plan! I brought my own condoms if something does go down tonight. You never know am I right?
Ethan: True that, dude.
Me: Alright, catch you later.
Ethan: See ya man.
I walk away, looking for Jersey. Honestly any bitch would do at this point, I just wanna get laid tonight. But If I could choose, I would definitely wanna rearrange Jersey's guts more than anybody else's.