Poems Of The Dark

My Last Words to You

You never saw the sweet sixteens
You only saw alittle past the preteens
You saw the routine of beatings and at age fourteen you thought to clean your existence, the only vaccine for you... Was death
Ages fifteen to nineteen for me were like swallowing gelatine, like I was underwater without a submarine because I struggled to breathe.

5 years...
5 years of bleeding, brooding and pleading
5 years of living in repetition
Rereading the worse parts of yesterday
Receding to my past for a future
But I only succeeded in bombarding myself with sadness, wickedness
Infusing my soul with a beastliness
The brittleness of my heart Shattering my worthiness

My belatedness my sin
How could I be late when she needed
I pleaded for your return
Needed your light to live my life
But when your light faded
I was shaded, shadowed in darkness
The Dark invaded my thoughts
My mental health, cascaded.
Spiralling down, held in chains, impossible to maintain

I was in pain from our time side by side
The pride of my life has died as I slide the knife to divide the pain that resides inside
I pray for the day that I wake to find you by my side
But deep down inside I know that you never survived
You could never be revived
You were deprived of the help you needed
Skydived without the chute I meant to give
I thought I helped. I deceived myself.
Wishing I received my punishment
The atonement to my sin...

But now, I'm alright
I'm planted to this earth
As if I was stuck in cement
I write this to you
In the slight chance there is a heaven
To let you know that I'm okay
With a loving girlfriend who is the bright light in my night
And despite my fear
I no longer bite my tongue
I now fight to let others thrive
In the hope that they survive
I act like a knight with hope as my armour
I have reached new heights because of you

And if there is a heaven
I know that you'll take flight up above as I ignite down below
But in the time I'm alive I will smite all the dark I can
I will rewrite this song I have been playing
Tonight is the night I invite sadness
And will strangle it's wickedness
In this dogfight I will hit like a heavyweight with fists of dynamite with the foresight of how to bandage anothers wounds not found by using eyesight
I will highlight how to beat pain
Protect our birthright of life
Tonight I reignite the flames of daylight and with all my might
I will protect and serve
Purge wickedness in this firefight
In the hope that everyone will be alright
No more death, no more bloodshed

I write this to you, Mel.
To know that tonight... I say goodnight. Thank you