We had our first show of the tour tonight. You were so happy and full of life, completely oblivious to what was happening or should I say what was about to happen to you. I knew it was coming, I could just feel it. however, I couldn't say anything to you. I wanted you to be able to enjoy the life that you were having right now. I just couldn't be the one to hurt you. I'm sorry.
I didn't mean for any of this to happen I really didn't. I couldn't help but fall in love with you. To fall in love with your smile, the way you laugh at just about anything, your lame jokes, and you. I couldn't control my feeling and it completely ruined us. I'm sorry.
I know that I've said sorry countless amount of times and I know it probably doesn't count for anything but I'm sorry. I will say it a thousand times to you if you'd like me to. I would do anything for you Harry. Anything for you to stay smiling, to stay happy, to stay young. You need to live your life and I shouldn't be in the way of that. I'm sorry for being so selfish and living you. I am so damn sorry.
You would ask me if I was okay at least a few times a day. I would say yes even though everything inside of me was screaming no. I wanted to tell you the truth but then you would begin to wonder why and I couldn't get into that amount of detail with you. At least not yet I couldn't.
Out of the boys Zayn was still the only one who knew. Him and I hung out a lot, mainly as a distraction for me. I'm glad he was there for me. So please don't be mad at him for knowing this all this time. It isn't his fault. He knew of the consequences when he pried the truth out of me.
I'm sorry things didn't go as we planned Harry. Management changed so many things between us and I'm sorry that I wasn't able to control it. I had no control over the situation. If only they truly knew about us. If only they actually cared about how we were feeling, instead of being a bunch of image concerned twats!
I'm sorry Harry. I'll make things right soon, no matter how long it takes things will get better. I promise, and I know promise is a big word and you shouldn't use it unless you know you can keep it, but what I will tell you is that I promise to work my hardest for us. I promise to make things okay for us again. I promise to make things as they were again. I promise to always be by your side. And no matter what happens I promise to always love you.
I promise to keep those promises.
