Lovelorn

01

01

Rain

It was raining that day.

It wasn't the relaxing drizzle type. It was the kind of rain that would hurt if it dropped on to someone's skin. I know because I can feel it. And with every minute, the drops got violent. It became more and more aggressive. The pain gets less bearable. But that's okay.

Because I was allowed to cry.

But to be honest, I hated myself for crying. When will the tears run out? Rain was falling but I can distinguish my tears by their warmness. I can't breathe properly– all I can do is choke on my own sobs, hoping no one may hear them. I felt horrible.

"We need to stop this." He said as he avoided my gaze. I was standing there, dumbfounded. After everything we have gone through? After all the pain we endured? I guess nothing is really permanent. Nothing will stay. Everyone will leave you to rot on your own.

"We are already caught. We–"

"Then why can't we fight?" I cut him off with my soft voice.

I felt numb and mad. Mad at him for giving up our fight. Mad at everyone who cannot accept us. Mad at myself for hoping that this will turn out well.

"Ma meré said that if we continue this, you and your mother will be banished. And I can't let that happen. I don't want to give up on us. I want to fight, too. But I can't let that happen, my love. I can't." He whispered back. I saw the corner of his eyes sparkle with tears as the sky lit up with lightning.

Those eyes– the gleam in your eyes is like the sun that lights everything up as it rises. Like the fireflies at night, flying across the lands you walk upon. But only now, the sun is surrounded by dark, stormy clouds, and the fireflies are nowhere to be seen.

You have mesmerized me and a war in my heart has begun, and we both can't ignore that. But somewhere in that war, you now surrendered.

"The Queen..." I trailed off, not wanting to continue what I want to say. "I'll fight. I'll fight for us. The castle may only banish me. Momma didn't do anything wrong. But I swear, I'll fight for us. My dear, I'll fight. Will you please fight with me too? Please..." I sobbed as I feel my legs get wobbly. I couldn't stand so I fell down on my knees as he stood up in front of me.

"Am I selfish for giving up this fight? Maybe, but I can't even stand the thought of you far away from me. What more if it becomes reality? If we can't be together then my happiness will only be caused by me looking at you from afar." He said as he looked away. And my heart broke even more. He cannot even look at me. Was it really there? The love? Did he really love me?

"You are selfish. You are because you chose yourself– you chose your happiness. You're choosing you and this fight is coming to an end. But who am I to hinder your happiness? If you are happy looking at me, well I'm sorry I can't do the same." I cried as I feel the tiny droplets of rain on my skin.

"Lizea..." He whispered as he crouched to hold me in his arms but I backed away. I saw his eyes widened.

"I'm sorry, Lyle. I'm sorry if I cannot be happy seeing you from afar. I'm sorry if it will only break me even more. I want to be selfish but I know I must not. I know my limits, Your Highness. Who am I even?"

His forehead creased. "Who are you? You're Lizea Beausoleil–"

"A royal maid. And who are you?" I chuckled, clearly without humor. "You are the Prince Georges Lyle Dieudonné. Future king of Versailles." I smiled at him.

We sat there in silence. I wanted to fight. I know this is wrong but I craved the feeling– the rush of adrenaline of what we are doing. Hiding. I miss the feeling of fighting and doing something forbidden. But who am I? Who am I to fight?

I am just a maid. I am just a woman. Just a woman. Their petty little toy. I got no say on anything. I have no right. I am nothing. I am useless in our society today. I just need to know chores, and find someone– a rich man, to marry. Love him or not. But not someone who is royal. Not someone from royalty. Royalty is for royalty. And it is a big disgrace not only for the family, but also for the whole monarchy.

"Georges." Someone with a stern voice called him from behind. I immediately stood up even with my feet still wobbly. I bowed my head as the Queen looked at me with utter disgust.

"Your Majesty." Lyle said as he bowed to his mother. I sighed when I heard what he called her. I don't understand why his own son must call him that. But of course, that was the rule. And you should never break it.

"Go inside. We need to discuss something."

I saw Lyle looked at me from my side glance before he nodded to his mother. And that's it. I saw him walking away from me as Her Majesty's looking at me.

"I will only tell you this once and I won't repeat. Go pack your things and go far away. The future King of Versailles shouldn't be seen with a girl like you. He will be marrying the Princess of Austria, not you. Now go, if you don't want your poor mother to be banished as well." She said as she turned away. Rain started falling harder as I felt another batch of tears fell from my eyes. Everything hurts.

Heaven's crying with me. The universe messed up but the sky is with me.

You don't need to tell me, Your Majesty. I'll willingly do that for your son. For I love him and I know what must be done.