Faltered light

Part 9: The edge of warmth

Calla
As we draw nearer to Violets home town I scrape together every bit of courage I have. Deep down I know James can't be in this alone and that I have to muster up the strength to be everything he didn't know I could be. This isn't for us anymore it's for all of humanity. "You look pretty wound up, is everything alright?". Was everything alright? Deep down if I really searched for the answer would it be that. I remember one winter I was out by the pool with a couple of girls from school. Lexi a girl in my class dared me to get in. I wouldn't heed to stupid suggestions so I don't know why I did it. To this day I couldn't tell you what drove me to take off my shoes and make my way to that water. I slipped into the water and down to my very core the cold crept into my soul. This exact moment. That exact question. 'Is everything alright?' — "everything's perfectly fine", I manage to say and stifle a smile. The truth is I'm terrified. I turn on the stereo and flip through a bunch of Joes songs. My mind needs a distraction.

We're driving for a while now when James pulls the car to the side of the road. "Why are we stopping?", maybe he'll say we're going back and my heart will leap out of my chest. "You didn't think we were actually driving head on into a town full of homicidal maniacs did you?", the moment he realizes his words had a harder impact on my heart than he intended he regrets it. "I just meant...", "I know what you meant James". I open the only thing holding me separate from the chaotic world I now live in and I climb out. James and I take everything we need and make our way to the woods. He walks me through a plan involving infiltration of Violets house but he makes sure that under no circumstances are we going to look for her in the middle of town. We infiltrate then we leave. The results of finding Violet or not end the same. I understand his fear because his might run deeper than my own.

James
She stares at the sky and the trees and I find myself wondering how such a beautiful girl was given such a complex mind. I have gone out with dozens of girls and I guess in their own ways they had alluring traits or specific characteristics that made you want to fall in love but Calla was not like one of them. She didn't make you want to fall, she tripped you right off your fucking feet. Right now walking through these woods — will I ever get to laugh again? Will I get to take Calla out on a real date? Will I get to run in the rain when I'm leaving a bar filled with friends? But most importantly will I ever be able to find out who I really am? "How much further?", I can see she's already exhausted but something about the way she asks makes me wonder if she's done being afraid or just that good at hiding it. "About a half a mile". Ever since violet shattered our euphoria things with Calla have been on the rocks. The tension in our relationship would make anyone honing in on our conversations swear we'd been married for over thirty years and that she'd caught me cheating at least a dozen times.
Calla
I wanted so badly to just tell James everything to try and get rid of everything that's been pushing us apart. But my pride kept me quiet. "Calla do you want to rest. This might be our last chance before we get to the edge of the woods", James asks me. But before I knew it my mouth had already answered, "I don't need to rest". I'm surprised by the coldness of my own voice and he walks off. I can't believe I just did that.

James
I try to get Calla to rest but she doesn't want to. She barely looks at me and I remember why dicks like me don't get involved with girls like her. I walk off with her trailing behind. I can't ever imagine why I thought someone like me had a shot in hell with someone like her.