Faltered light

Part 10: Tuning in

Calla
We're finally near the edge and I get a glimpse of a tiny house. When we come into full view I notice how much bigger it looks. There are two stories and it's painted a beautiful pale pink shade that reminds me of the garden of roses my mother used to grow when I was a little girl. The colour makes me feel a little nostalgic and at this moment in time my fragile psyche can't take any more sentiments or I might break down and cry. James moves slowly toward the side entrance of the house and I'm too scared to follow him. He looks back at me and gives me a reassuring look. I follow close behind. The side door seems to be open and we make our way up the steps. Into the house.

James
Calla grips the tire iron closely. I'm watching her like a hawk. We move into the house. The panel is open and the kitchen is in full view as soon as we step inside. Violet is on the floor with a little boy rested on her lap. There's blood everywhere. She's a fucking mess. The shot gun is placed next to her. She looks like a lost puppy. I slowly approach her and she keeps muttering that she didn't have a choice and that she had to do it. I'm concerned that she'll pick up the gun and hurt Calla so I look at Calla and signal her to the gun. I settle in front of Violet and the boy. I never take my eyes off Violet and when I'm close enough I pull her up into my arms. At first she struggles but she gives in and holds me. I shoot Calla a look to get the gun she stands there for a moment frozen but picks up quickly and grabs the gun.
We make our way to an old cabin near the house where myself and Violet used to hang out in the summers if my parents pissed me off. Calla is quiet the entire time and Violet holds me shakily the entire time. The cabin seems the same but the memories here have left me a long time ago.

Calla
"Calla would you like anything to drink?", a distant voice pulls me from the abyss. Ian. James' friend we found camped out here at the cabin — asks me. "Uh, no thanks", I try to muster every inch of my voice right to the depth. If I say anymore I might just let everything out that I've been trying so desperately to hold in. The fear of what the world has become and the hurt that jolted through me when I saw the way Violet looked at James and the way he looked at her. I knew there and then that their "friendship" was more than just that. Ever since we got here she hadn't been able to let go of him. When she fell asleep he put her in the bed at the back of the very very large cabin. He hasn't returned since.

"Calla are you alright?", another voice pulling me toward reality. This time it's James. "Yeah" I dully reply. He must think I'm such an idiot. I think I'm such an idiot. I gave myself to this man who belonged to another woman and now. Now I have nothing left. No parents. No home. Nobody. I'm so overwhelmed by all this. By him here sitting next to me like nothings wrong. I storm out of the cabin and the door slams shut behind me. I can hear James come after me but I'm intent of putting some distance between us. "Calla! Calla where the hell are you going!", he screams behind me. Clearly not worried that he might attract something. "I'm getting some air. Why don't you just go back inside and tend to your fragile little nut case!", I snap back at him. I know that was petty but my emotions are overrun right now and I'd rather snap then cry. Rather be petty than pathetic.

James
"What the hell are you talking about Calla?", this woman has lost it. What does she mean my nut case. Is she talking about Violet. Is she seriously jealous about the walk to the cabin. "You know exactly what I'm talking about. How dumb I must probably look to you. To think that you actually cared".
"Uhm guys you might want to get in here", fucking Ian interrupts Calla. She walks briskly past me and into the cabin with Ian. "Fuck" I mutter and follow them. I walk into the cabin and they're gathered around the radio. "..feeds on human flesh. Speculation rests on a radiation-covered NASA satellite returning from Venus, but it only remains a speculation. Anyone who dies during the crisis of causes unrelated to brain trauma will return as a flesh-eating zombie, including anyone who has been bitten by a zombie. The only way to destroy the zombies is to destroy the brain. The army is now involved and is offering food, shelter and protection to any survivors..." "well you heard the man, we gotta get our butts to the base A.S.A.P.", Ian interrupts. Again. "We're not fucking going anywhere, I'm not putting Calla at risk again", but before I can even fight this battle... "I can make my own decisions", Calla calls me out and I'm left looking like the only idiot who wants to stay here.

We're preparing to leave for the base. It's about three and a half days drive from here and approximately a weeks walk, chalking in any stops for food and rest we may need. Not to mention the trouble we might run into. We also took into account any major towns we might want to avoid. Since the incident outside the cabin Calla hasn't looked at me or even talked to me. I keep replaying what she said to me over and over in my head.. how dumb I must probably look to you. To think that you actually cared ... does she actually believe that I don't care about her. I can't believe this is happening. Things we're so perfect until Violet showed up.

Calla
James had kept his distance since the fight. I honestly believe whatever we had between us is now over. He packs the car up with all the food we are able to get. Violet and I sit in the back seat and Ian sits upfront with James. We set out for whenever the hell this military base is supposed to be and I wish that I was home right now. I haven't thought about home in a long time. I haven't pictured my mum behind the counter making biscuits or my father reading the recipe out loud to her. I haven't imagined the sweet smell of her perfume and just like that I know why I haven't. I'm sick to my stomach and I can't breathe. Everything that's led up to this has finally caught up to my thoughts and the air evaporates out of my lungs. Just like that I know how I really felt when I saw James hold Violet close while I stood there watching them. All those years of watching. Just like the way Violet was staring at what was supposed to be mine right now. "Let me out!", I can't take it anymore I need to get out.