I'm drowning, aren't I? This couldn't possibly be the reality. My life is a joke. Please don't go. Are you on... fire? Oh, Harry.
In place of words, I simply spoke with my skin.
HOTLINES
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"I should've known that we'd be coming down Right to the bottom where we are now"
6.
STRAIGHT TO THE MOON
TW: SUBSTANCE ABUSE
"I don't want to fucking talk about it! Alright? I can't fucking do it, Emma!" I slam the door like a temperamental teenager and lock it behind me.
"You can do it, Lils! It's hard but you're so much stronger than you think! Everyone deserves to be happy. You deserve to be happy." She yells through the door but it's all a blur, really. I stare at myself in the mirror and all I see is a shell of who I once was. My eyes bloodshot, sunken in. My skin barely has any color to it, my lips cracked and scabbed.
"Pretty fucking naive to think that happiness is anything but a goal only created to give us hope. None of it's real, Emma. What? I'm gonna have a happy ending, huh? There's no such thing! Fuck!" I scream and pull at my hair. It'd been two months since I rejected Harry. Yeah, rejected. I couldn't bring myself to jump into something so soon. I miss him every day, though.
I'll never forget the look on his face when I told him I didn't want to see him ever again. His lips slightly parted, tears spilling down his cheeks. He didn't say a word before walking out and slamming the door behind him. He took a piece of me with him that I didn't even know he had.
"You know what? Fine. You're lucky I still let you live here after the shit you said to Harry. I love you, Lily, but blood becomes before anything. Know your fucking place and read the fucking room." She spits and within minutes I hear the front door slam. They sure do love to slam doors on me.
I can't be here, I physically cannot be anywhere near anything that reminds me of him. I start to apply makeup despite my ridiculous appearance, hoping to make it even slightly more presentable. I get dressed in one of the more revealing dresses I own and some heels. I make my way out of the apartment and down to the lobby. It's completely empty and kind of eerie but I don't mind. Maybe I'm meant to be alone.
I make my way to a nearby club and my heart sinks when I see a familiar set of curls. It's him. Fuck, I'm gonna puke. Maybe I can just avoid him? I can't let him dictate my life simply by existing. This is my fault, after-all. Just keep walking, no problem.
Okay, just one more look.
The bile in my throat rises when I see his hand linked with another. The hand is attached to a woman, a beautiful woman. Be strong, be strong.
"You coming in?" The bouncer speaks over Harry and the woman, to me? My question is answered when they both glance back at me and Harry noticeably stills.
