See You On The Flipside

So We've Done The Plotting, Now We Are Preparing To Blow Up The Fourth Wall

"You don't look half bad in that dress." Kira said. Today was the day that Mike Schmidt would officially have to classify himself as a terrorist. He was blowing up a rival establishment for literally no reason. He was also rather annoyed. He'd woken up this morning and come to work early before Candy's opened as he'd been instructed so he could get ready. The animatronics weren't trying to kill him which lead him to the conclusion that they were scared of him or someone who was in the building with him. It turned out Kira, Dave and Jeremy were here while Phone Guy was committing a rare act of vandalism by destroying any alarms so they'd be busy fixing those, instead of stopping Mike blowing up a wall. For no reason.

"You did really well with his make-up Kira! I wish I was as talented as you!" Jeremy smiled. Mike glared at them as Kira just watched him through narrowed eyes. Dave snickered. He'd been taking photos ever since Mike had come out of the safe room in his new outfit.

"Hmmm, we gave him tights to try cover his legs but I just feel like something is wrong." Kira mumbled. Jeremy looked at her in confusion and Mike was mostly just embarrassed. "We're lucky he has a more feminine build." Mike looked away, embarrassed. Dave burst out laughing.

"Dave! It's rude to laugh!" Jeremy said although he too was grinning.

"Both of you don't have a right to laugh. Dave, you're literally a rotting corpse and Jeremy, you have a thinner waist than Mike's, skinner and longer legs. The fact that you're young as well would also pay off for you. It's a surprise you don't have a girlfriend." Kira smacked the camera out of Dave's hand. He glared.

"That insult turned into a complement. You're supposed to beat the shit out of them and defend me." Mike spat. Kira rolled her eyes and began readjusting his wig.

"You put it on wrong," she hummed, "Anyway, it lowered Jeremy's belief he's more manly than you and honestly, Dave doesn't really stand a chance with anyone. He'd probably end up murdering them. Also, Phone Guy confiscated my baseball bat. Don't tell the animatronics though. The only reason they're not trying to kill me is because they think I'm just gonna beat the shit out of them. I should probably apologize for that soon."

"I'm pretty sure those are children possessing the suits."

"Yeah. I think that just makes it more fun to break them."

"That's really messed up."

"You see, you talk, but all I hear is this." And with that, Kira opened her closed her hand mockingly. Mike rolled his eyes.

"Candy's opens in an hour. Where's Phoney? Has he ditched us?" Dave asked. Kira checked her watch.

"Shit, he's right. We still need to fill Mike's bag with explosives. Which are in the office. Which I'm banned from entering now. And it's locked. And Phone Guy has the only key. Fuck." Kira growled. At that moment, Phoney came running through the door, covered in ripped cables and broken camera parts. He gave a thumbs up before breaking into exasperated panting. Jeremy saluted.

"Dude, how are you even breathing?" Mike asked. Phone Guy is literally a phone guy.

"In ways you wouldn't understand. Outdoor cameras are down. Dave, unlock my office and start filling Mike's handbag with explosives. Kira go with him and at least try to not blow up my office." Phone Guy said, throwing the keys at Dave, who caught them and ran off with Kira in tow.

"I hate you." Mike growled.

"Just go along with it." Phone Guy said, standing up straight and straightening his tie. Jeremy, who was still saluting, cleared his throat. "Jeremy, go scout to see if there are any police in the area. If there are, lead them to the fake bombs that are planted in the town center.

"SIR, YES, SIR!" Jeremy said before running towards the exit. Mike stood alone in his skirt, staring at the phone head.

"Mike, today you will be known as one of the bravest employees ever to work at Freddy's. You will be a hero. An artist interpretation of what you'd look like as anything that isn't normal will go up on the wall and sit beside those such as That One Orange Dude, Fat Iguana, Sir Eggplant The Large, Crazy Theory Man, Poor Girl Keeps Hitting Her Head On The Pumpkin, We Don't Tall About FREEMPLTN and of course, the one, the only, the legendary, the guy you have definitely heard of, Seedless Grape Man. I salute you sir. You are the exact kind of employee this company needs." Phone Guy said, saluting Mike. Mike just rolled his eyes.

"Who's FREEMPLTN? And Orange Dude? And any of those people you just listed?" Mike asked. Phone Guy froze and shook his head.

"We don't talk about FREEMPLTN. And we especially don't talk about the orange. He could be listening right now. We can't summon that soulless demon here again." Phone Guy shuddered. He was definitely recalling some....bad memories and failed summer jobs.

It was a while till Kira and Dave returned with the bag of explosives. Dave was still grinning and Mike was still absolutely embarrassed by the universe. Kira handed Mike the bag, nodded and stepped back into the line that excluded Jeremy because he was probably busy being a distraction.

"So while I'm going in there and blowing the place up, what are you guys doing?" Mike asked. Dave smiled.

"Kira and me are your backup. I'll be just distracting the guards while Kira sneaks in and pretends she's gonna set fire to the kitchen. Candy's doesn't know of your existence yet. Phone Guy hacked into their files about Freddy's and found the list of known employees. I never knew we had a guy named Eggs Benedict working the nightshift. He must have been bullied so much at school. Anyway, were gonna try and make sure everyone is occupied."

Mike was visibly disgusted at the idea. The thought of having to rely on Dave, who was just the dumbest being he knew and, filled him with dread. He had only been working the Dayshift for two weeks. He'd rather be trying to survive the killer animatronics than invading a rival pizzeria.

"You're doing this to get Kira fired." He mumbled to himself before taking the bag of explosives. "Let's fucking kill those bastards."