Hello Dear Diary

Emma

Dear Diary,

          You know every teen mom has their own stories. Some can't handle the risk and others prefer not to even try. Maybe at the moment, I didn't know what to do. Between taking care of Emma and catching up with my studies... It was just too much. Ask around, I became the old lady everyone sees at the train station. That lady, who sometimes is in a rush. No matter what wouldn't even be in contact with her family or friends. Just rush from one place to another to get money. Yeah... welfare helped but it wasn't enough for both. I had to pay bills, rent,  home essentials. Just I need the break. Sending Emma to Mexico was just going to be a relief for me. If I did it would give me a chance to get my high school diploma and be able to get a decent job that could support both.

         As always something has to come up. Emma came with me to school every day. I made a deal with the school to let me go and have Emma with me, they agree and it saved me time to go and find a useless babysitter. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that what they do is bad. I myself was a babysitter but you never know who is actually taking care of your child. From experience, some may take their anger on you. Gabriel from time to time came on the weekends and help me out. Really nice of him to do so. Emma at some point though that he was his dad. But after Gabriel started dating, his visits weren't frequent anymore. I knew this was going to happen but I also know that Emma was not going to be okay with it.

          On my part-time job, Emma will help. She is a baby still, but in pre-k, it was totally fine. A teacher and a student at the same time was making my life easier. A counselor that was helping me out, reached out to me on a more personal level. His name was Felix, he worked with me at school and he was the one who told me about the job. That's how I took it. Otherwise, Felix asked me out and I said yes! He was fine. Good job, studied, was a doctor at the Wyckoff hospital, perfect. He loved Emma like his own and didn't have trouble adjusting to my problems. As time went by ( 2 years prior to Emma's birth ) Felix asked me to marry him. Took me by surprise. But I guess I have a magnet to attract guys who are either a cheater or crazy. 

       Felix was different though because it didn't matter to me he has married already. Around the time of our plans of marriage, something unusual but very familiar happened to me. The same symptoms as when I was pregnant with Emma. Only that, many things changed. Like me not liking some foods, or even go out a lot. Felix noticed and planned to postpone the wedding date until he knows it was safe for me. 

          This time my pregnancy was risky. :(