Liam

Chapter 29

The next day my dad was watching me like a hawk, at breakfast. I was supposed to have a bowl of oatmeal and omelette with cheese and bacon bits. Even just thinking about it made me freak out. Part of me wanted to give in. To put up my surrender flag and finally quench this never-ending hunger I had been feeling, but a bigger part of me is controlled with thoughts of the fat building up inside of me, and how hard I worked to get this thing in the first place. I am able to "finish" it though. THat means I took a few bites, and snuck most of it into a napkin when my dad wasn't looking. He tried not to make it obvious and awkward, but it was clear what was happening. My mom is acting totally oblivious to it all, and my sister is actually oblivious. Tired of this awkward, uncomfortable house, I told my dad that I am heading out.

"Where to?" he asks

"Liam's,' I reply as I text Liam and ask if he can come pick me up. I know he'll say yes though. Anytime I mention needing to get away from my family, he is over here in a heartbeat.

"Well, let me send you with some lunch then," he replies heading back into the kitchen. I roll my eyes as he turns around, although I am not really too bothered because it means that I can just throw it away when I leave. I'm surprised he's even letting the happen honestly. Five minutes later my dad comes out with a lunch bag packed with a PB and J on white bread (that's not happening) an apple with peanut butter, pretzels, a granola bar, and a bag of chips. Who is he trying to feed? A small family? I take it anyway, and head out to the porch to wait for Liam, who, as expected shows up just a few minutes later.

Everytime I look at him, I keep imagining our kiss. The first one at prom, and then in the library and car when I got back from vacation. A smile creeps across my face, and for a second I am able to forget about all the shit going on inside my head.

"Hey Liam," I say hopping in.

"So, what's going on with your family?"

"Nothing too serious. My dad is just suffocation me and Ineed to get away for awhile," I replied, trying to talk as nonchalantly as possible. I don't want Ljiam knowing about ANY of this. It is far too embarrassing and would probably make him worry about nothing.

"Works for me. I was planning on going to see that new horror movie today, and was wondering if you wanted to come with me," he said.

I knew he was probably just humouring me as I am the one obsessed with horror movies and I could tell he scared easily, but I'll take it.

We finally get to the cinema and he asks me if I want popcorn. Of course I reply with the usual no, and at this point he is used to it, but he still gets some for himself, reminding me every few minutes that I am more than welcome to have some.The movie is really good. It is the kind with a plot twist at the end that leaves you thinking about it for the rest of the week. Liam seems to like it too. Maybe I can still convert him into a true horror movie junkie. Maybe I can even ease him listening to the true crime podcasts I love listening to so much.

When we get back into the car, it smells kinda weird, and I'm mortified to realize that it is coming from my lunch bag. I don't know what is causing that smell, and frankly I don't want to know. I mean it was sitting in a hot car for two and a half hours. Liam smelled it too. What is in there Wilson?" he asked wrinkling his nose.

'Just something my dad packed me, I'm going to throw it away though. I don't want to eat anything that smells like that,"

"Is that your lunch?" he aks

"Yah, but I ended up having something else before I left anyway," I say

"Kelsi, I'm not stupid. You don't have to lie to me,"

"What are you talking about?"

"Your dad texted me to make sure you eat your lunch,"

Shit, he knows. He probably thinks I'ms ome freak, or even worse, one of those vain girls who starves themselves so they can get on the cheerleading team. It is so much more complicated than that, but with all the stigma around it, I can't have him knowing.

"Why the hell would he do that?" I asked.trying to act as dumb as I could about the situation.

"He explained things Kels. But honestly, i already saw this coming," he said.I couldn't help but hear a tinge of disappointment in his voice. I wish we could go back to talking about the movie.

"Now I get that you don't want to eat whatever has been roasting in the car, but will you please have something? We can go back to my house and you can choose whatever you want,"

"Liam, I just can't'

"Why"

"We've already been through this once before. You just wouldn't understand,"

"You're right. I don't understand. I don't understand how someone so driven, smart, and beautiful could do this to herself. So can you help me to understand it?"

""I can't 'just eat.' The world inside my head is so twisted and controlling, a prison of black and white; it makes me fear every aspect of your life outside of your control. I just can't. I know you won't understand the fear. I'm more afraid of banna than I am of dying," I reply, and it all suddenly comes spilling out, even stuff that I didn't even know I thought. "So, like I said, you wouldn't understand,"

"Kelsi, what can I do? I want to help you, I do, but I just don't know how,"

"Me neither,"

He sat there deep in thought for a second. "Well, I will have to tell your dad something. I can tell him that you ate the lunch he packed as long as you will come back to my house and at least eat something," he says, and I don't even reply as he backs out of the parking space. I guess it is happening.

My mind is racing with all the worries I now have because apparently Liam knows. Thanks a lot dad. Does he think I'm weird? Is he going to break up with me? Is he going to tell other people, either on purpose, or just letting it slip? I'm pissed at my dad. He told Liam when he had absolutely no right to do so. Now I see why he let me leave so easily. At Liam's house I end up being coaxed into eating half of an apple, some chicken, and a few sips of milk. Liam holds my hand the whole time, and it is the only reason I didn't start crying half way through.