Liam

Chapter 10

As I wake up, I don't remember the events of last night at first. But, then it all comes flooding back to me. The yelling, the emptiness, the blood. I look down at my arms to see that I still have the little red marks on each wrist. I get up, and put on a sweater to cover it, and then saunter over to the bathroom to finish getting ready. Every task seems like a chore. Brushing my teeth, doing my hair, it all seems pointless. But, I do it anyway.

I try to be as quiet as possible as I crept downstairs to make some toast for breakfast. I don't want to wake either of my parents up and risk having to see them. I just want to be left alone. We are out of toast, so I grab a bagel and cream cheese and start walking to the bus stop fifteen minutes early.

Honestly, I just kind of want to not exist at the moment. I don't want to have to think, do, see, or hear. I just want to go to bed and never wake up. I am fucking tired. I shiver as I wait for the bus.

And, then it starts to rain. Perfect. The weather seems to match my mood. I watch as cars pass, on their way to school, and I wish I could be in one of them, feeling the seat warmers and listening to the radio. Suddenly one of them pulls over. I don't recognize the girl in the passenger seat, although the guy driving looks sort of familiar.

"Need a ride?" he asks. At first I just look at him kind of confused, but then Liam rolls down the window from the backseat.

"Are you coming, or do you like standing in the rain?" he asks impatiently, but I can tell he is only joking. I hope in, and am immediately hit with a blast of heat which I am incredibly grateful for.

"Thanks for the ride," I say, to break the awkward silence that seems to have penetrated the car from the moment I entered. I then look at the window, hoping none of them will try to talk to me too much. I was too overwhelmed and upset to even try to care about school drama, gossip, or any other kind of small talk. The guy in the front seat, who's name is Josh, turns up the radio. It is playing my favorite song, but I don't sing along.

By the time we get to school, I replace the negative thoughts in my head with my to-do list for the day. I need to go to all of my classes, of course, finish typing my essay on the Civil War for history, text my boss at the tutoring place to let him know that I won't be able to make it in next Thursday, clean out my backpack, start studying for the AP test in May, practice piano, get my application turned in for city youth council, start researching colleges, and the list goes on. I let it play over and over again in my head, until I'm filled with anxiety, and restlessness instead of anger and sadness. I much prefer the former.

As we are getting out of the car, Liam says, more to his friends than to me,

"Kelsi and I are going to head to the library to work on chem,"

Josh shoots him a look that I can't quite explain. It is kind of a mix between confusion,and disgust, but just shrugs and says,

"See ya later," as he swings his bag over one shoulder and reaches for the "front seat girls'" hand. In never did ask her name. I hope I didn't give her the impression that I didn't like her. Then again, she didn't ask for mine either. As I watch Josh and the mystery girl walk hand in hand swinging their arms, I am suddenly very aware of the way my hands are swinging awkwardly by my side, and the distance between mine and Liams.

I break the silence by asking, "How did you know I would be there?"

"I tracked your phone. Duh," he says. For a split second I take him seriously and am about to run as far away from this creep as I can get, when I finally realize that it was a joke. He sees the realization in my eyes, and smiles his lopsided grin.

"I just saw you standing in the rain, and figured you needed a ride," he says. I'm glad he did. I probably would have waited another ten minutes for the bus.