DIRTY SECRET || Kookjin

24

Seokjin's Pov:

It's been two weeks Since Jungkook told me that our deal no longer exists over a text. He made it clear that I no longer bound by any rules and I'm free. I was so surprised as I never expected to get such text from him, knowing that he is someone who never easily lets the things off the hook. Either way, I'm glad that I don't need to feel anxious over something every time, but still, I couldn't help but worry that he still knows my secret.

It is already seven in the late evening by the time I reach the library. I check my mobile only to see its battery ran out of power. Having not carried the power bank, I sigh switching it off making a mental note to charge it as soon as I reach my dorm.

I see Mrs, Choi, our librarian who seems very tired, dozing off now and then. I greet her as she reciprocates it with her tried, exhausted smile, mumbling something about how tired she is and wants to leave soon(?) I shrug it off, not wasting my time further, as I take the flight of stairs to the second floor, as the literature section is situated over there.

The floor is almost empty except for a thin crowd people here and there. I see Jungkook is leaning on a table, his legs crisscrossed as he idly scrolled on his phone.

Jungkook has a nice body, all ripped with a handsome, young face. He stands out the most with anything he wears. Now he is standing with his hair parted, wearing a pale yellow shirt with ripped jeans, as a black Rolex adorns on his right wrist, his sliver hoop earrings shine and dangle along with his little neck movements- making him look even more attractive than he already was.

"Hey!", he greets, making me come out of the daze

" Err...Hey."

"You finally came! Shall we discuss now?"

I nod my head as I take the seat across him.

He hands me a sheet."So, I have listed the concepts and essays that we have to work on. Have a look at it and then we can decide who takes what?"

I see total 20 concepts and essays neatly written on a plain white sheet- of which 10 would be going for each.

"I'm taking Barthes' Work to text. Will you be okay with taking Structure, sign and play by Derrida?" Jungkook's voice chimes in as I was checking the list.

"Ah, well, I'm not sure..."

He furrows his brows in confusion.

"I mean, I still couldn't fully wrap my mind around the concept of free play, so I'm not sure if I can take it."

"Oh"

"Well, it's not a problem, I can teach you."

His sudden declaration makes my eyes go wide, cause Jeon Jungkook doesn't do favours.

"You will?"

"Why not? If you want me to(?)." He leans back, putting his hand around the backrest of the chair; a boyish grin etching on his face.

"O-okay."

"So, Shall we start then?

I shake my head as I proceed to sit beside him.

I'll start to explain now. If you have any doubt just stop me and ask me okay? He asks me earning my little nod in return.

"So yeah, first let's try to understand what is free play: Free play here means the ability of new interpretations to emerge from a reading of a text, from an understanding of a structure. To put it simply, the precise meaning of words that we use is always open, never fixed and changes from time to time. That being the case the very notion of fixed point or centre in all forms of human discourse-which, of necessity, employ language-is irrelevant.

So, the centre here is paradoxically within the structure and outside it. Here, the centre is not the part of what Derrida calls totality i.e structure. Hence, though the centre is the centre of totality, yet not a part of it, as totality has its centre elsewhere. Hence, the centre is not the centre.

To put it simply: meanings are not fixed, it is dynamic and change from time to time. For example, the word gay originally held a different meaning in the medieval period, but now as you know its meaning no longer associated with being merry or happy, but primarily to refer a homosexual person or trait of being homosexual. In the same way, for instance, if you take Shakespeare's play Hamlet-the meaning it held 100 years back differs from the meaning it holds now in the 21st century. This shows its centre of meaning has changed numerous times in the course of History. There may be many new additions. And old ones might have been discarded. So, the meanings with which they associate are not fixed and tend to change from time to time. So, thereby he deconstructs the notion of meanings being fixed.

"You got this much, right?"

" Kind of, yeah"

"Don't worry I will explain it further with more examples; you might get a clear picture soon." He smiles at me positively as he proceeds.

" So, where were we? Yeah, here, Derrida mentions free play in two ways: one is before the occurrence of the event and one is after the occurrence of the event and......"

Jungkook might have the image of a bad boy, dissenter and a rebel, but he is always at the top of his academics. That's why he has always been teachers' favourite despite breaking tons of rules. There is nothing he couldn't do; he is good at everything he does. A golden boy who is adored by everyone. The most desirable man whom everyone wants.

"..... So that's how he defines free play. I hope you understood now?" He looks at me expectantly.

"Oh, Yes, I did. Thank you for your help." I take a look at my watch only to shoot up in shock.

"I'm late! It is already 8:30. And I have to go now!"

"Oh, okay. Well, can we meet tomorrow as well?" He asks me, looking at me expectantly in the eyes.

I shrug, "I don't know, I'll let you know." I hurriedly grab my books, stuffing them inside my backpack, thinking of a way to reach my dorm soon.

"Alright. Oh wait, I think I will be leaving too. I will accompany you(?)"

I don't say anything as he wordlessly takes it as a yes. We both stride together, descending from stairs, only to hear the echoes of our footsteps, as the ground floor is almost dark only with a small florescent bulb glowing in the corner-the main door being closed.

"Where is everyone? Where is Mrs Choi?", Jungkook asks confusedly, trying to spot anyone inside the library.

"Oh, she must have gone out to have a smoke. She must have closed it like that."I tell him as a matter of fact, as she does that whenever she goes out for a quick smoke in late evenings.

Jungkook nods and proceeds, keeping his hand on the doorknob, but the rattling sound never came, as he stills for a while and turns back to look at me.

"Jin..."

"......"

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"Looks like we are stuck here for a while."

"Huh?"

"For a night, I guess." He shrugs, casually, his lips trembling to curve upwards.

"What the hell!"

"Yeah." he sighs

**********

A/N: Hey, long time no see! 💜

I would like to know what y'all think about Yoongi?