Living in the Dark

Chapter Five

A few seconds later, when a certain song was played out of nowhere.

—

When your legs don't work like they used to before

And I can't sweep you off of your feet

Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love?

Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?

—

"Would you mind?" He asked while offering his hand for a dance.

"No, not at all." A few minutes later, when I found myself dancing with him.

Nilagay ko ang isa kong kamay sa balikat niya at ang isa'y hawak ang kamay niya. Halo-halo ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Saya, lungkot, kilig, kaba at iba-iba pa. Ngayon ko lang ulit naramdaman ang gantong pakiramdam.

—

So honey now, take me into your loving arms

Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars

Pull your head on my beating heart

I'm thinking out loud

That maybe we found love right where we are

—

Tumitibok ng sobrang bilis ang puso ko. Maybe a hundred times faster? All I know was I just want to seize the moment with him.

Pagkatapos ng araw na iyom, nagpapalitan na kami lagi ng mga messages at tawag araw-araw. A few days after, when I realized something bad and at the same time good. I'm falling inlove again. Everytime we text, or call, I fall even harder.

Pero takot pa rin ako. Hindi pa rin ako handang masaktan. Kakayanin ko ba? Yan ang lagi kong tanong sa sarili ko. Ngunit alam kong, parte ng pagmamahal ang masaktan. Kambal nga sila eh.

Pero iba si Drei, napapasaya niya ako. Madalang na lang akong umiyak. I'm always inspired. I stopped clubbing, bullying and even drinking. He has this good effect on me. 

Days after, when he asked for my sweet yes.

Nasa isa kaming amusement park 'nun, nagde-date. Pagabi na 'nun, sabay luhod niya at sabi ng mga katagang, "will you be my girlfriend?" 

Hindi na ako nagdalawang-isip na sagutin siya. Binigyan ko agad siya ng isang matamis na oo, at kasabay nun ay naramdaman ko na rin ang isang bagay na matagal ko nang gustong maranasan. 

My first kiss, from my first boyfriend.

Inaya niya ako 'nun sa bahay niya. At pumayag naman ako. I trust him, that's what I keep telling myself. Minutes later, we're already in his house.

Then he agrressively kissed me. Alam ko sa sarili kong may mali. Pero ako naman itong tanga, bumigay. Hindi si Drei ito, iba siya. Ibang-iba. It seems like I'm with another man, who's trying to break my dignity. 

He started ripping my clothes, and all I can do was cry. Wala akong sapat na lakas para pigilan siya. 

Wala na, I lost it. 

I just woke up in his bed, and looked at the clock beside me. Three o'clock in the morning. My area down there still hurts. But I exerted all my extra force to sneak out from him.

Wala na, wasak na wasak na ang buhay ko.

Kinabukasan, pagkapasok na pagkapasok ko. Isang sampal agad ang sumalubong sakin.

"WALANG HIYA KANG BABAE KA! KABIT! MALANDI! SULUTERA!"