Driven To Depression

Chapter 6

Epilogue

Dear Diary,

Years ago, I was driven to depression because I felt I've lost everything, my loved ones, my friends and even myself. I forgot what smiles and happiness feels like, I forgot what living means, the frustration and pains were too much for me to bare that I chose to disappear instead, I had chosen to take my own life. But then I stopped, not because it had all gone away, but I realised I was being selfish and letting my fears of being alone get the better of me.

That night at the pool party, I chose life over death, not because I had found a reason to live but because I believed deep down that there was a reason, if only I could live to see it all, if only I could give living a chance.

That night, I got up on my feet, wiped my tears and left the party without anyone even noticing. On reaching home, I found my reason when I saw my dad crying over the note I never thought he would have considered reading, a note I never thought he would be affected by. That note was brief but had all my emotions in it and I was wrong to think my dad wouldn't feel anything after reading it, even though he couldn't remember the character in it, he could still tell the pains the character was in.

"please live, please stay with me." these words from my dad made me realise how broken I would have left my dad, how all alone he would have been in his loneliness. In the note, I said I loved him and wanted to die because I was scared that one day, I would eventually stop loving him, but I was wrong. Staying with him no matter what and helping him to make new memories and cherish them was the right thing to do.

My dad's disease worsened because he lost his loved ones, because he felt lonely and he was also depressed, but I contributed because I was in no way comforting to him, I kept rubbing him with sadness rather than giving him a reason to feel loved again, he needed care, he needed warmth, he needed lively and cheerful people around him for him to feel better, to live better and I could only help him if I became a better person too, if I live like one with a purpose.

So that night, I made up my mind. I found my reason to live, no, I gave myself a reason to live. I was definitely created for a reason, so I should live with a purpose. Whether I lived with people or I live alone, I still deserve to live. I thought I had lives to impact, I have people to reach out to, many people's lives are attached to mine just like my dad's, and dying would have been a grave mistake.

After my final exams, I applied and gained admission to study Psychology at where Aunt Lola and her family lived. Here dad and I found a new life, a new way to cherish our new memories. I chose psychology because I wanted to reach out and comfort people in my own way, I wanted people to feel the beauty that was hidden underneath the thorns of life, I wanted them to know that, there were many ways to be happy to live happy. To let them know that the more you bring smiles on others faces and comforts to their hearts, those smiles and comforts affects you just as much.

And today, in less than an hour, I will become a successful graduate, and will be obtaining my Master's degree in psychology. I would finally become a qualified psychologist to help comfort and assist as many people as I can, so help me God.
Talking about graduation, I gotta go now. Bye for now dear diary.

*****

"Ella, come on we're running late!" Aunt Lola called out from down stares.