Success doesn't equate happiness. I've had to learn that the hard way over the years. With every disappointment, every let down, every heartbreak, my solution was to just achieve something. Gain a new award, a higher accolade, a bigger position. The...
"I hear the criticism loud and clear That is how I know that the time is near So we become alive in a time of fear And I ain't got no motherfucking time to spare Cry my eyes out for days upon days Such a heavy burden placed upon me But when you go hard your nay's become yay's Yankee Stadium with Jay's and Kanye's" - Nicki Minaj
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"Are you serious right now John? I don't want that little girl in my house!" I sat quietly, listening to my dad argue with his wife over me.
"Look, I know what I did was foul, but that's still my daughter, Debra."
"So what? I'm just supposed to live with your infidelity? Why can't that bitch take care of her own child? What am I supposed to say to Destiny? My daughter doesn't deserve this." She looked over at me and I quickly looked down, remember my mother's words telling me to be respectful and only speak when spoken too.
"She doesn't have anywhere to go. Terri doesn't want to take care of her anymore." My dad pleaded with his wife.
"I don't give a fuck about that. This is embarrassing to me. I'm supposed to walk around and take care of this girl like she's mine? That's sick John."
"You don't have to do shit! This is my house and I pay the bills in it. You don't have a choice on if my child gets to stay or not. Do you understand me?"
"Fine! Keep her in the bedroom down here. You deal with her. Just because I'm agreeing to let her stay here does not mean I'm accepting her. I only have one child."
I stared over at Brae as she watched TV in my office with Aimee. Aimee is the only familiar face she knows here so she offered to sit with her until I worked out what I was going to do. The more I looked at her, the more I seen myself. I was so afraid when my mom dropped me off at my dad's office. I noticed the anger and embarrassment on his face the moment he laid eyes on me that day. I had never seen that look from my dad before and it frightened me.
I wasn't something he was proud of and I learned that while watching him pace in his office thinking of alternatives of what to do with me. I was meant to stay his secret. I was never meant to cross over into his real life. I did everything in my power to make him and Debra proud of me. I stayed out of the way, made sure my presence wasn't felt. I stayed on the honor roll, excelled at everything I did just for my dad to tell me that because I was doing so good on my own it meant I didn't require as much attention as the average child. Didn't require the same amount of attention as my sister.
As comfortable as Braelynn looks with Aimee I can still see how afraid she is. The way Lisa spoke to her is the same way my mother and Debra would speak to me. It was clear that neither one of them wanted me and that they both only dealt with me to stay in dad's good graces. My mom had me in hopes of my dad leaving his wife to be with her. When she realized he wasn't she didn't want me anymore.
