Hetalia x Reader Oneshots

You're Out

The final one of this fever dream, if I don't update I'm having a relaxing time in where ever this wonderful country puts treacherous citizens. And do something different than this, it's the least baked plan that won't actually work, mainly because as much as I'm curious as to how this will work IRL, I'm not going to draw the attention of the govt. my way like an idiot, besides I'm pretty sure only an idiot would put the current specs of the WH on the public record where absolutely anyone could get ahold of it.

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Ivan sat with his arms crossed in his vehicle, he can't believe that his boss agreed to this. Alfred had on a serious face and was playing the part of a guard to the person that Ivan was supposed to act was one of his bosses associates. This was under the premise that they were to meet the President for some important meeting and it was going to be rough. 

(Y/n) was in their most professional-looking clothing as they sat next to Ivan. 

"This is a bad idea." They sighed.

"Babe, it's going to be okay. We'll storm the castle before you get hurt." Alfred smiled reassuringly at the (h/c) person.

"Right, and I've got Ivan." (y/n) looked at the Russian beside them.

"If they act in any way that Mother Russia does not approve with I will take their nico nico knee caps." Ivan had a particularly dark aura for that statement alone.

After nerves were cleared they made their way into the white house and was met with staff that led the two into the place where they will have the meeting.

~~~~~~~~~(back with our hero because I just can't write a conversation wherein the main speaker spouts nonsense like a leaky pipe, ironic I know.)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alfred had gotten out to act as one of their bodyguards but was stopped by one of the other security members at the white house who shook his head as he pulled him to a secluded blindspot.

"Al, I done told you this was a stupid idea. Yet here y'all're done doin' it." Tex scolded the blond man.

"Tex, it won't kill ya to cuss, now where is that security control room?" Alfred was already changed into part two of the infiltration plan as a maintienence worker and was ready to fuck some shit up.

"It's right here." Tex sighed as he pointed to the door that held the systems with all necessary lock down procedures and what not(Idk i'm going with a bastardized version of what I believe might actually work [because I don't want to die] but it won't so enjoy hijinx).

"Is the bunker carrot meeting with the Russians right about now?"

"He's the president, you can't call him that. And yes about now he's in a meeting with the Russians." Tex sighed.

"Where in the Constitution does it say that, Tex? Do enlighten me." Afred unplugged what he could and smashed he rest.

"Touché." The Texan helped smash and then he noted how the power already seemed to go out. "Al, who had the power?" 

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"Sir, we should take this meeting to a more secure location." (y/n) heard a secret service agent tell the bunker carrot.

"Is there a particular reason?" The orange little man squinted more at the agent.

"Well, sir, we seem to be under siege." The agent looked like he might want to deck the president.

"In Russia, we've learned to listen to the wisdom our suboorinates may have." (y/n) thanked their stars that years of being friends with Ivan made them sound like they were actually Russian.

The carrot was about to retort but with a glare from the big scarry Russian made him instead agree extending the courtesy to his guests, who accepted. Once in the 'secure location' Ivan did a quick sweep of exits, there was only one, and no windows, great. (y/n) distracted the bunker carrot as Ivan took out the gent that wasn't on their side rather politely with a pipe. The other agent sighed and sent a glare to the carrot before pinning him down. 

"Dude, he's like what 70? Be gentle. We want him to live long enough to see his own demise don't we?" (y/n) yawned.

"We are not from the same side." the agent growled.

"Let me guess, a homegrown insurgent that has worked so hard to be an attache for the biggest wig in the nation just so that you can take him out at the best opportunity?" (y/n) looked bored.

"Huh. You are close, but not quite." He said tying the soon to be poor guy up in a fairly painful way.

Soon Alfred busted through the entry with a gas mask on and tossed one to Ivan and (y/n) before letting a teargas canister that the guards tried to use on him sail into the room and cause much suffering to the exposed others in the room. 

"Whoops. The others are neutralizing the security and we have military help which is nice." Alfred said though his mask as grunts from outside of the room sounded and various military officers came in and hoisted the toupeed orange to his feet and lead him out citing war crimes he's committed. "The VP was taken in for abetting. So the Speaker will run things until the election."

"Red's going to have a tough year this year huh?" (Y/n) rubbed their neck once they were freed from the spicy air.

"Utah might have a chance at getting the support for being 'nonproblematic'."

"I don't know I think a hard reset may be necessary."

"We just infiltrated the White House, what makes you think we're gonna have time to do the rest of the system whileon trial?"

"You won't be on trial. You ultimately helped me in my mission." The agent from earlier was drenched and wrapped in a towel as he walked over to the trio.

"So we will have time to reconstruct the Constitution too, how nice." (y/n) was back to their usual self.

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This was a flaming pile of mess, I do declare. I'll write something wholesome next time I swear.