𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖕𝖎𝖓𝖊𝖘𝖘 || choi san

letter p (2!)

dear choi san,

2 more days, sunshine! i'm happy for you! i wonder how many precious gifts you'd get from your loved ones! i wish i could afford something special for you sweets, but unfortunately can't :( i hope my love for you is enough even if it's not a lot.

anyways, now i'll explain my next main reason! i might go too deep, so sorry in advance if i bore you out sannie :((

well, i thought my little liking towards you was silly back then, because i had a little crush on someone else. a...girl. yes, i'm bisexual, and it's kind of embarrassing to say this in a letter when i'm very much closeted, but when i found out the girl crushed on me back, i was more than proud of my sexuality. hah. it was my happiest time, and i only looked back at your gorgeous smile for warmth, hoping you'd feel the same kind of 'love' me and my new 'girlfriend' shared.

i thought we were wonderful together, and i'd finally feel comfort from my lonely times, but my thoughts never were right all along.

she...she never had feelings, they were pitiful. she knew about my crush and...felt bad for me to have a one-sided thing going on with myself...sigh. that hurt when i found out. what hurt more was that she left me cuz she got bored of me, i was too annoying for her to control me, and she barely had any love left for me. i was alone again.

but..i had you :) i was on the verge of having my continuous breakdown when you appeared, and brought me back up. you told me to "never give up. prove yourself that you don't have to depend on a relationship to feel happy" and i guess you're right. i don't. all i needed were those few words and your genuine smile. oh, how much I want to hug you like you did to comfort me back then. you're truly special, sannie.

oh, i'm crying, this is bad, i don't wanna mess up the ink! oh well,, i guess if you remember that special moment of mine, then you'd know who i am, right? but alas, thank you, my sunshine. for being you and always being you. my sunshine <3

- R.