You In Between Of Doubts

A

Maybe, there are just things that are not meant to be. Maybe, you just happened to meet because fate wants you to learn a lesson.

And in this lesson, I learned that accountancy was right. I should never, ever assume things unless it is directly stated.

"WOOHHH!" I heard them cheer for me as I took another shot of vodka.

I closed my eye as the disco lights blinded me.

"Let's go!" I cheerfully exclaimed while pulling my friends towards the dancefloor.

"Is it okay for you to act this way?" My non-celebrity friend, Aiven asked as he saw me acting crazy.

"I can't see why not!" I shouted so that he'll be able to hear me despite the loud bang of the stereo.

"What if someone photographs you!?" Aiven shouted back.

"This is a high end bar! A lot of well known personalities come here so they got strict security!" This time I leaned closer so that there would be no miscommunications happening.

"But still, what if?" He also leaned closer. So basically, we're whispering in each others ears, lowkey shouting cause of the loud music covering the whole bar.

"Why are you so nervous?" I jokingly asked him.

"Gun, You're way too famous. I'm just scared your reputation would be tainted." He seriously asked.

"Even if I put my arms around you like this." I hang my arms around his neck and tiptoed a bit so I can still whisper in his ears. "Who cares? We're at a bar so I got the freewill to dance with whoever I want." I then laughed.

"You're really playful aren't you.." He wasn't able to finish his sentence as an arm suddenly pushed him away from me.

"What the heck, dude?" Aiven then grabbed his collar but he, a dangerous person that he is, grabbed Aivens collar back.

"What the heck is wrong with you?" I angrily asked as I pulled the two of them away from each other before we garner more attention than we already did.

"I am really sorry for this, Aiven." I said as I fixed his crumpled shirt.

He pulled me away from him again and this time, he put my body behind him. Dang, I look so small.

So I twisted my wrist to get out of his grasp and turned to my friend again.

"Let's talk some other time, alright?" I said as I walked out of the club feeling both angry and stupid.  Angry at myself for thinking that maybe he's jealous and so, so stupid for assuming things, yet again.

I was about to get inside my car when someone slammed the door before I could even open it widely.

I don't even have to turn around to see who this is. I know his smell. I tried to open the door again and yes, I was not successful.

"Gun!" I heard his voice thunder with darkness. I got scared but he will never know that, I studied acting.

"What?" I asked blutantly.

"Why are you doing this to me?" His voice suddely sounded like he was pleading. I want to give in so bad but I know I can't, I shouldn't.

"What do you mean?" I kept my cold apperance.

"You don't talk to me anymore." He sound desperate. Gosh. I want to. Badly. But I have to settle my feelings first.

"I was busy." I looked away. I can't bear to look at those eyes anymore.

"You're busy, huh?" He then laughed, as if he's mocking me.

I just looked at him.

"You're so busy that you can't even bother to see my messages but you're here, at some fucking bar! Dancing with some boys?" His jaw clenched.

I continued my act to ignore him when in fact I just wanna bury my face in his neck and give him the warmest hug one could ever give.

"Then what do you want me to do, P'Off?" I asked in a tone as cold as I can.

"Phi.. P'Off?" His voice broke.

I swear to god. I wanna cry so hard right now but I know I can't, I am doing this for the both of us.

"Why?" He asked me sharply. "Why did you change?"

"What do you mean? I didn't." I looked at him straight in the eye.
He tried to hold my hand but I avoided his touch.

"See? You aren't clingy anymore. You wouldn't even let me touch you." He pointed out.

"It was you, P'Off who doesn't like it when I'm touchy." This time, it's real. What I said was real. The pain was real.

"So because of this, you became distant to me?" He painfully asked.

"No." I said. I can't believe I almost gave in to my emotions.

"I will not complain anymore. Please be by my side just like before, can't you?" He pleadingly asked.

I give up. I can't do this anymore.

"Why do you have to do this to me?" I asked tearfully.

"What did I do? Just tell me, I'm willing to fix anything" He then panicked. Not knowing what to do with the unshed tears in my eyes.

"Why do you have to play with my feelings?" He then furrowed his eyebrows.

"I didn't!" He reasoned out.

"You know how I feel for you. You know I like you!" I can't stop myself from shouting anymore.

"You never told me." He looked stunned.

"Some things doesn't have to be said to be expressed." I lost my composure. Tears started to flood my cheeks like rainfall.

"Is that why you avoided me?" His voice soften then he looked at me like a fragile glass.

"No. It's because I have to forget about it. You have a girlfriend!" I shouted at him like he was at fault when in fact, It was all on me.

It was my fault for letting myself fall for him. It was my fault that I can't act rational. It was my fault ignoring him when he did nothing wrong.

"I don't!" He yelled back.

My tears halted. I looked at him full of doubt and suspicion.

"You introduce her to me just three months ago!" I yelled louder. Thank god the people doesn't seem to care, or the stereos just too loud. No one is paying attention to us.

"Well, we broke up two and a half months ago." This time he seemed composed.

"Don't lie to my face! How come the news didn't come to me?" I was shocked. Papi never lied to me. I know that for a fact.

"When was the last time you talked to me?" I stunned, he sounded so hurt.

I looked at him.

"You never replied to my texts. Everytime I come to see you, you always find yourself an excuse to push me away." I never saw him this weak, I swear.

"P'Off, I-" he cut me off.

"P'OFF! P'OFF! I'm so tired of hearing that!" His voice broke for the nth time tonight.

He grabbed my wrist and pulled me in his arms. This is probably the tightest hug he gave me since the day we met. My tears fell, as if  there's no tommorow.

"Can't you just call me Papi again?" He pleadingly asked.

I sobbed harder.

-

Again, I am not very good at writing. My skills are still lacking. So don't hesitate to tell me of things I'm doing wrong as I am very open for improvement. Please, please give this story lots of love and support.