the relation of art and pain | jotakak

v

The anticipation to hear something other than a lecture on biology is refreshing. Jotaro isn't sure he can call what he feels excitement, for nothing he feels is ever so intense, but it's the closest he's gotten to it in years.

As soon as he spots Kakyoin walking in the cafe door, his hopes deflate. The man is never energetic nor smiling without purpose, but he always perks up when he sees Jotaro waiting on him. Today he slumps when he sits across from him, and his greeting is a sorry excuse for what it usually is. His sour mood seems to radiate off of him in waves, taking Jotaro's down a notch with it.

"Somethin' up?" Jotaro is uncomfortable prying in his life, but he knows it's best to get the inevitable out of the way.

Kakyoin's eyebrows raise a centimeter, but his frown remains set in stone. "Oh, I've just been... staying up late. Studying," he waves him off. "I'm okay."

"You really look like shit. That isn't all," Jotaro says. Kakyoin's mouth quirks up a little.

"You're right," he admits. "It isn't all."

Kakyoin has a habit of repeating sentences, as if he has to say them himself to comprehend them. Jotaro doesn't mind. It was annoying at first, but now it's just another one of his quirks. The slow, somber tone of his voice today, though, makes it sound strange and unfocused.

Jotaro is anxious to say it, but he decides that Kakyoin is worth it after all the time he's spent listening to Jotaro over the past month. "Talk."

Kakyoin contemplates his words, as he drags his sketchbook out of his messenger bag. "Kishibe wasn't happy with my work," he explains.

"That's it?"

He notices Kakyoin's pencil thumping the rings of his sketchbook, but he decides that today he'll let him have his stress relief.

"Yes."

"Screw what he thinks," Jotaro says, shrugging. He knows he sounds much too shy as he adds, "I thought it turned out really, uh... cool."

"He said it didn't have emotion," Kakyoin continues, as if he hadn't heard Jotaro at all. "He gave me a passing grade anyway. But I didn't connect with it, nor you. And he could tell."

"That's good enough, ain't it?" He asks. He can take a guess at what the answer is, because a passing grade wouldn't please him either. For a project as spectacular as what Kakyoin had produced, a "passing grade" is a flat out insult. Kishibe must be an idiot to not like it.

"I suppose," Kakyoin says. As Jotaro expected, he doesn't sound the least bit convinced.

Silence falls over them, and he watches Kakyoin's pencil drag the paper as he sketches. Jotaro doesn't recognize the face, because for once it isn't him. The face is well defined, but thinning and aged. It's sort of pathetic how dejected he is over an art project, but if it were a research project that he had dedicated himself to for a month, Jotaro cannot say he wouldn't be just as upset.

With that, an idea strikes him.

"What do you say to a few drinks later?" Jotaro asks.

"I would, but... I'm only twenty," Kakyion says. "I can't get in a bar."

"Bars are overrated," Jotaro replies. Trust me, he thinks. "Besides, Joseph owes me one."

Kakyoin's frown curls into a smile. "You'd blackmail your grandpa for me?"

"Of course."

"I'm going to hate owing you one, then."

It's the first time Jotaro has laughed in ages.