Memoirs of Shepard: A Mass Effect Fan Fic

Chapter Two

Two

These are Bioware's toys I'm playing with along with my own fluff.

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**Kaidan's P.O.V.**

It had been two days since Kaidan had gotten a glimpse into Shepard's past. How had she not found stars beautiful when she was a girl? After all this time in space, the view still took his breath away. The romance of it all was ever present.

He regretted his words on Horizon, more so now since he had read Shepard's words...and her team mates- Miranda. Since the mission was over, Shepard had, apparently, closed herself up- even more than usual. He wished that he could go back in time and swallow his words and join her mission. For all the technology that people and aliens had, no one had yet to discover time travel.

Sighing, Kaidan flopped back on his couch with his head in his hands. "I screwed up," he muttered into the deafening silence.

**Shepard's P.O.V.**

"Damn it!" I curse, throwing the gun across my quarters. "Damn it!" I repeat for good measure. Something was wrong with me- I couldn't even clean my stupid rifle. "What is wrong with me?"

Sighing, I wheel my chair over to my terminal and find the email that I can't manage to delete...can't manage to reply to. That's what's wrong with me. My eyes flicker over to the holo laying face down.

"I wish the reapers would get here," I state, unsure if I meant it or not. "I need something to do!"

As I sit pouting, I remember my...report. It couldn't hurt.

**Memoir**

I was sixteen when I realized that my mom was right. Men will convince you that they love you so they can fill their lust. I don't remember much about the man- not his name, not even his face. I remember that he was a new recruit and I was the closest civie on the ship. Both of my parents were on active duty, so I was alone more often than not.

He introduced himself in the mess hall, of all places. What did I know at the time? I was still just a girl, craving attention from a man. I was alone and lonely- though I didn't tell my parents. I don't even remember thinking he was good looking, but he made me laugh. I was pretty sure there wasn't rules against fraternization with the captains daughter.

It was six monthes before he convinced me he loved me and a month after that to talk me into his bed. I'm pretty sure that he never said my name when we werein bed together. I was always "baby" or "princess"- my teeth still clench at that last one, even to this day. More often than not, he was in my bed.

One day, while I was watching him in a sparring practice, I suggested that he and I go one-on-one. I was planning on enlisting soon and I wanted to see how I could do against a trained marine- simulations can only go so far, after all.

"I'll go easy on you, princess," he said patiently. "Do you want to win or will you get off by losing?"

I don't know if it was his calling me princess, or the fact that he was suggesting that he was going to let me win, but it pissed me off. "Don't," I said, holding back my temper.

"Dont what, baby?" he asked.

I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and smiled sweetly. "Dont hold back."

"Best two out of three?"

"Sure."

He wasn't taking it seriously- wasn't taking ME seriously. I got the feeling that he was trying to placate me. Putting up my fists, I smirked at him while he gestured me forward. I almost felt bad for punching his jaw, knocking him to the mat.

"Come on, baby," I smiled innocently down at him. "That was one hit and one point. I don't think you're trying."

By the end of the second round, he was carted to the medical bay, unconscious. Of course, I had one hell of a wicked bruise across my stomach. Needless to say, my mom and dad sat me down for a "chat."

"Why did you put the Private in the sick bay?" my father demanded.

I thought about it. "We were just playing, daddy," I stated innocently, playing the daddy's-little-girl act.

"Playing would not result in one of my crew in the med bay," he stated, though his voice was noticably softer.

"What were you doing with him anyway?" my mother demanded, not as easily swayed as my dad.

"I was in the training room playing with the simulations," I improvised, my smile never faltering. "I saw him when I was leaving and I asked if he wanted to do some one-on-one."

My dad glanced at my mother before turning back to me. "What did he say?"

I could feel my calm exterior faltering. I closed my eyes and counted to ten, hoping to diffuse some anger. "He said he'd take it easy on me...and called me PRINCESS," I explained through my teeth.

"I feel like I'm dealing with an eight-year-old you," my mother sighed, massaging her temples. "You're still just as stubborn."

"He didn't even put up a defense!" I looked to my dad for support. "He was on the ground after one hit in the first round, daddy! I think he needs to go back to basic."

"You knocked him out in the first round?" my mom asked helplessly.

"Of course not," I said and watched my mother relax. "I knocked him out in the second round. He did get in a few hits but, trust me, they weren't very good- I only got one bruise! I think it lasted, like, eight minutes."

My parents sat in shocked silence while they tried to make since of my news. In the end, they sent me to my quarters and grounded me from the training rooms- including ALL simulations- for a month. Plus, I had to apologize. Needless to say, we didn't talk after that.

Since I was grounded, I researched the Alliance. I wanted to be more than a marine. When I saw it, I knew- N7...the highest level of special forces in the Alliance. During that grounding period, I also cut my long red hair so that it was no longer than my chin.

**End Memoir Section**

I rub my eyes and sit back in the chair, a small smile on my face. Inhad almost forgot why I decided to go through N7 training. To think it was all because of a man who's name I can't even remember.

To think how easy life was back then.

Pressing save, I stretch leisurely, wanting to do something- anything. I press the call button on my radio and wait.

"Commander," Joker says over the radio.

"Heads to Illium and have EDI inform the crew to prepare for a two day shore leave," I state.

To Joker's credit, he only hesitated for a moment. "Aye-aye, ma'am, plotting our destination. ETA is six hours."

"Thank you."

A shore leave, just what I need...I think.

**Kaidan's P.O.V.**

Despite the warning that accompanied the journal entry, Kaidan read it. By the end, he was sure he'd have to head to sick bay to unclench his jaw. Still, he felt proud of himself- he had only thrown four thugs and used his biotics once...okay, twice.

Secretly he was overyjoyed that Shepard couldn't even remember the Private's name. He had silently cheered when she had knocked his sorry ass out. He had laughed while reading what she said to her parents.

There was so much he didn't know- so much more that he WANTED to know. Would she have ever opened up this much to him? Could he ever be given a second chance?

Sighing, he decided he needed out. Dark Star. Maybe a couple drinks and a night of mind-numbing music would help....

Somehow he doubted it.