in with the New

Jinyoung: Confusion

Jinyoung just doesn't know what to do about any of it. He still hasn't really talked to Jaebeom outside of their family meeting and at this point, he doesn't even want to. It doesn't matter anyways, since he's gone and no one knows where. Youngjae said he texted him and so did Yugyeom but neither of them have reported a response.

The prison called, his visit has been cancelled again. He's is starting to believe his brother just doesn't want to see him anymore. So maybe he'll stop scheduling visits so that he will stop getting into trouble, stop extending his sentence. If that would even make a difference.

He doesn't want to admit how far back that thought has been pushed in his mind though, not even really important to him at the moment. All that matters now is Jaebeom and where he went. It's unlike him to be so spontaneous.

Jinyoung had panicked for sure when he thought Jaebeom might move out, he wasn't ready for it. But he also wasn't ready to have him moving into Mark's room, when Jinyoung is already annoyed at their close relationship. They probably aren't dating, really, Jaebeom doesn't even seem like Mark's type. He's always complaining about his hair, and his clothes and sometimes Mark will make fun of the way Jaebeom walks. Jaebeom never gets mad about it though, he just shakes his head at him, or tells him to fuck off and Mark smiles beautifully, and the moment passes.

He won't even entertain whether or not Mark is Jaebeom's type. The answer is obvious, but you can be into Mark and like another type of person as well, that's just a given. Jinyoung won't admit to his own small crush, nothing he would ever do anything about, but if Mark approached him he wouldn't say no. Who would?

Would he say no to anyone in this house? Really? Probably not—well except maybe Yugyeom, he is seventeen after all and Jinyoung does have to draw a line somewhere. He loves them all dearly, different things about them, even Youngjae having a kid isn't a deal breaker. In fact, he would say it's brought them closer.

He told Youngjae about his parents, how his dad had died, how his mother is disabled and how his younger siblings rely on him for food. His littler sister, just a year younger than Yugyeom, is good about cooking and cleaning, but he didn't want her to think she had to do any of it. He's grateful of course, but if she decided she needed a break, Jinyoung would hire someone else, get another job. He wishes his brother would hurry up and get out of prison, help them in some way.

He knows that Junho would do it, he's just that kind of person, even if he's making some truly dumb decisions right now. Thinking about Junho leads to thinking about Jaebeom, the fact that he's an ex-con. Jinyoung never would have guessed. He knew his parents kicked him out, but he never knew the reason, didn't ask, not wanting him to ask about his own home life in any great detail.

He had stopped writing without realizing it and is now scrambling to finish his test. What a dumb way to fail, getting so caught up thinking about the past. Even if he couldn't become a lawyer, he could join the army. That's actually what his dad wanted, being a military man himself, he wanted both his sons to follow him, obviously that hasn't happened.

As he walks through the quad, leisurely, as though he doesn't have anywhere to be for once, he lets his thoughts consume him. Normally, he tries not to think about this, but it seems like the right time, with everything that has happened, to admit that he feels at home. Here in this dumb share house with six idiots for roommates, he feels completely at ease, more so than he ever did at home, even while his dad was alive.

It's why he won't go home. Not only does he make more money in Seoul, but he would have pulled all his hair out by now if he had to live at home, under that constant pressure. He lets out a deep sigh, biting his lip and stopping dead, looking up at the sky. With it nearing the end of October, it's getting colder, the sky is getting darker earlier and the new year is again approaching him, even if he wishes it wouldn't. Another year and he hasn't achieved anything, hasn't fixed anything.