31 Days of December

December 28th

"Girl, I haven't talked to you in forever," Elizabeth said over the phone. She was currently hanging out with Liam and Ethan but kicked them out so she could have girl time with me. I didn't understand her logic, but the boys didn't argue. They just up and left the room the three of them were hanging out in. "So, catch me up on everything."

"There isn't much to catch up on. I passed all of my classes, my family is driving me insane, and I'm still single because I'm not ready to commit to anything," I admitted.

"Just give it some time. The two of you have only known each other for like a month if that."

"I know. Plus, I don't think dating at the start of the semester will be smart. Figuring out routines is going to be stressful. It's still the middle of hockey season, so he will have many games and practices. Plus, I need to start looking for a job. Paying for school isn't easy, and I don't think we will have the time to be together."

"I get that, but I also feel like there is more than just that bugging you."

"I'm scared. What if I'm not good enough for him? There are so many prettier and smarter girls than me. I don't want to get hurt again, nor do I want to hurt Ethan. He deserves so much better than me. I'm just the emotionally broken girl who watches too many movies and cartoons to make herself feel better."

"What brought this up?"

"He sent me a bunch of cute text messages saying how I was one of his favorite persons, how he wants to be a part of making me happy, and how he misses me. It was really cute, and I loved the texts. However, I started overthinking, and here we are."

"First of all, that's adorable that he sent all of those text messages. Have you talked to Ethan about it?"

"No, why would I?"

"Because Hailey, you don't want to end up going into a relationship with a ton of insecurities about it. You will constantly be second-guessing yourself, which could make the relationship toxic. If you are open about it now, Ethan can help you figure out what you need to ensure you don't second-guess yourself. He wants to be there for you, and you need to let him."

I sighed, "But I don't want him to worry about me."

"This is what I'm talking about," Elizabeth said. I groaned, knowing she was right. "You need to talk about this with him today, or you will keep overthinking yourself to a broken heart. Ethan is a great guy, and you know that. You keep second-guessing yourself. If you just talk with him, then maybe the two of you could figure out a system that works for you."

"Did I mention how he said he really likes me and can't wait to tell me in person?"

Elizabeth squealed, "Marry that boy because he is doing everything right." I never expected her to squeal. I know she was all for Ethan and me, but still. She has never freaked out enough to make that noise. At least in the short time that I've known Elizabeth. However, she is a cheerleader, so I could've been wrong.

"We aren't even dating."

"Well, date him and then marry him," Elizabeth said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. I just rolled my eyes in response.

We spent the next hour catching up. She ranted about her family. I ranted about mine. We talked about what we got for Christmas. The basic conversations lasted until she left to go to Liam's extended family's Christmas. Elizabeth did not seem super thrilled about having to meet all the aunts and uncles already.

I spent hours trying to convince myself to talk to Ethan. Whenever I think I have the courage to call him, I back down. I kept telling myself that I could fix it on my own. I didn't need to bug him. It was my problem, not his. It would go away eventually. However, I could get Ethan to call me if I couldn't call him.

Hailey: Can we talk?

Ethan: Are you breaking up with me?

Before I could text him back, Ethan called me. As the phone rang, I could feel my nerves building up again. What if he didn't want to talk to me after? What if he ended up hating me? What if I wasn't good enough for him? What if he found someone better than me? I wasn't anywhere near the perfect girl for Ethan. He was handsome, smart, and athletic. I was just average. Any other girl would have been better for him than me.

"Hey," I said when I had the courage to answer the call.

"Are you okay?" Ethan asked. He was worried about me, and it made me smile. "You said we needed to talk. Did I do something wrong?"

"You didn't do anything wrong. This was a stupid idea. I shouldn't have made you call me." I was getting ready to hang up and back out from all the nerves about this phone call.

"Hailey, what is bothering you? You can tell me."

I sighed, "I'm scared that you will find a girl better for you than me. You're practically perfect, and yet I am just me. There are so many more girls who are prettier, smarter, and more athletic than me. I'm still fighting to let someone date me because of my ex from two years ago. I'm not ready to be in a relationship, and what if, by the time I am, you have already moved on? Or what if I agree and I can't do all the coupley things like hand-holding, hugging, or kissing, and you can't handle not being like that? I don't want you to get hurt because of my insecurities, and I don't want to be brokenhearted."

"Hailey, do you want to know something?" Ethan asked. I didn't say anything, so he took it as a yes. "I chose you. I saw you so many times during the semester when you were leaving class, and I wanted to talk to you. I just didn't have the courage. When you ran into me the first time, I purposely bumped into you so that I could talk to you. After that, we kept running into one another. I have never been happier because I got to see and talk to you. Yes, you are nothing like other girls because no other girl caught my attention as you did. It took me almost a semester to try and talk to you, and I can wait for you to decide that you are ready to date me. However, I'm going to constantly ask you to be my girlfriend until you are ready to say yes."

"That's annoying. Why me?" I asked.

Ethan smiled and said, "Because you thought you were invisible, but in all honesty, you stuck out to me. The girl who didn't want to attract attention to herself managed to attract me to her. You just had to be you, and I knew that we were meant to be together one day. I like you so much that I will wait as long as it will take for you to like me as much as I like you."

"I was invisible. I'm just another face in the crowd. Always in the same outfits you love to tease me about. There was no way I should have stuck out, especially in that lecture, because I knew there were girls in there who were much more put together than I was. Most days, I had literally just rolled out of bed," I argued.

"Doesn't matter. I didn't want to talk to them. I wanted to talk to you, Hails. I wanted to get to know you. You didn't have to put in the effort because you seemed comfortable with how you are," Ethan said. I couldn't stop smiling after he said that.