Stop Me If You've Heard This One Before (Girlxgirl)

Chapter # 37

My birthday came and went in a blur. Hannah had invited me over to her house and she and Jordan got me drunk, along with a couple other people, but it just wasn't the same.

I had shared my first kiss with Talia in this house and it hurt a lot to know that we had been doomed from the start. Getting drunk hadn't helped my case because I started crying and I wasn't able to stop.

Every time I start to think the worst of it is over, another wave of hurt comes and knocks me down and drags me back under. I was wrapped in a blanket of painfully sweet memories, forced to see her smile whenever I closed my eyes and whenever they opened I was forced to see her gone.

All I could think about was her and how fucked it was that she was gone and that Lucas was going to jail when they caught him. I wanted to be there to see him convicted and I wanted to spit in his face.

I wanted to see him get hurt. It was violent of me, but I wanted him to hurt just as badly as Talia did. He inflicted pain on her, and now I wanted to see pain inflicted back on him.

So I had ruined my own party and I had cried at it too. Fuck it, it had been my party and I fucking cried all over it. I wasn't happy and everyone knew it now.

Prom came and went too. I had gone with Hannah to shop for her dress and she tried to convince me to go. She told me she'd even ditch Jordan to bring me as her date, but I didn't want to.

All my hopes had been focused on dancing with Talia and holding her and attending the prom even with my best friend felt so wrong that I wanted to curl up and die.

The night of prom I had bought flowers and visited Talia's grave. I had sat there leaning against her gravestone with both my hands pressed firmly on the ground with my nails digging into the newly grown grass, pretending to be holding her hands when in reality, I was just holding clumps of dirt.

I would never know the sensation of her touch again. I would never get to see her smile at me in that adoring way she always did.

I had run through a fake prom in my head and almost believed it was real. I almost believed it was real until a gust of wind brought me back to reality and I had shivered before getting up to go.

Although I wished I could dig up her grave and lie in there with her, I couldn't. I wouldn't do something to disrespectful to her. She was my love. My everything.

And now she was nothing.

Now, she was an example of a teenaged abusive relationship and why we shouldn't tolerate them.

The school had a mandatory assembly about a week and a half ago and it had been about abusive relationships and they had spoken of Talia and how she was killed by her boyfriend, Lucas, and about how tragic it was that she met such an unfortunate end.

I had wanted to scream then. I had wanted to act like a lunatic and scream that they didn't know shit about My Talia. About my girlfriend. But I hadn't. I had let it go on. I had let them say awful things and let survivers of abusive relationships talk and let students share their condolenses with everyone else.

As high school drew to a close, I didn't feel like an adult. Everything was feeling so rushed. Everything felt so wrong.I hadn't applied to any colleges and I hadn't taken any government tests. I was getting my diploma and I was walking away as a free woman.

I wouldn't be tied down by another two to eight years of schooling. I could get a shitty job if I wanted to, or I could milk my mother of all the money she had until she cut me off.

Graduation would be a breeze.

Or that's what I thought last week. But now, standing here in 6 inch heels, a dress Hannah had picked out for me, and a cap and gown, I felt sick to my stomach.