Portals & Realms

Chapter 7 - Confession

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After a moment of crying, Julian sat Mae down on the floor, a hand on her shoulder to make sure she didn't fall over. Mae had her eyes closed and was still crying, but it wasn't as bad as it had been originally. She wiped her eyes on her arm, still wary of the closed cut on her arm, fresh and scabbing.
"How'd you hurt this? How did you get such a deep cut?" He asked worriedly, looking at her arm and offered her a hand to stand up.
    "I hope you like long stories, because it's a very long one. I'll tell you if I have to."
Julian laughed and she took his hand, standing back up. She had stopped crying now, though she was still slightly panicking. She felt exhausted, finally being in a cooler area and not overheating, and also she just swam frantically and was still overwhelmed with emotion.
All this time this has been existing under our noses. This world, these people, it's all been here. For how long? Forever? Has this place existed forever? I cannot believe that I am standing here... that I am finally somewhere I only dreamed about. Do I... want to go home?
"Um.. Mae?" Julian waved his hand infront of her face and she snapped out of her deep thought. "I suppose we have lots of catching up to do. It's been months. I have a lot to tell you!"
"I guess um... we do?"
"Of course we do!"
"Right right... we do..." We don't.
"Well then, I'll leave you two to it! When the others arrive here, I'll tell them where you are," Portia gave Mae a worried, sad look and walked back over briefly and cupped her hands over Mae's ear and over her mouth, "be gentle. Don't break his heart too fast," she whispered sadly and then left the room, shutting the door and everything going quiet. The faint voices down the hall were gone, and it was left to them to fill in the room with noise.
How on Earth will I pull this off? How long will it take for the portal to appear so I can get us all back home... what if I can't even get us back home! Oh god oh god... will it really be so bad if we stay here another night or so? Even if we go missing, or miss calls... we can say we all took a road trip! Or took an uber and camped! Or went with a friend and get them to cover up for us... perhaps we can visit here again! Maybe this won't be a one time thing. Ohhh maybe that's what fate has in store for us! But then again... affecting words like this shouldn't even happen...
Mae snapped out of her thoughts and looked at him. "Hmm?" She said, thinking that he had said something and she hadn't heard him.
"You look like literal death."
"Well I suppose you would know what that looks like, wouldn't you?"
"Yeah well, wouldn't we all.."
I didn't mean to snap like that. God this is difficult.
Mae sat down on the bed and put her hands on her knees, looking around curiously. It was messy in the corner of the room by the bed, yet everything else was tidy. Clothes were folded on top of a dresser, there was a glass of water beside the bed, and a rug on the floor. The room didn't appear dusty, and had a sweet nectar smell. "You've decorated well. I like this place."
"You... do?"
"Yep. I might take some inspiration and decorate my room like this. It's just... peaceful. I like peaceful, I bet we all do," she nudged his side and gave a weak smile. Her heart ached as she sat there. Is this disappointment? The disappointment I was warned of? But that makes no sense, I cannot be disappointed when this is happening. This is such a beautiful place... Wait a minute, how am I seeing clearly? Are my contacts still in? Do I magically have good eyesight here? Wait! Stop it! That's not important. Worry about magic sight later after dealing with that's going on now.
"I'm...I'm guessing you're confused, aren't you?" He asked out of nowhere, his hands on his lap.
She looked at him with a slightly alarmed gaze, "How did you know?"
"I'm a doctor, it's what I do. Being here for months, only occasionally going out... it makes you learn new things. I haven't redecorated since you disappeared."
Julian suddenly grabbed her hurt arm and looked at it, avoiding touching the cut. Mae looked at him in surprise and stayed quiet as he examined it, after all, he was technically a doctor. There were dots of dried blood around the wound, but it was closing up nicely. "This might scar. It's not deep, but such a big wound will..." He paused and reached below the bed and grabbed a case, popping open the locks. As soon as the leather-bound case was open, he pulled out a white towel and some solution in a bottle. He opened it, the lid still attached by a small string, and he poured some of it onto the towel. "Here, let me help."
"T-thanks," She said, looking at the half open, half closed wound as he looked at it as well. He looked at her and gently put the towel on her skin, not touching the wound yet. He did strategic circular motions to wipe off the blood, and the began cleaning the wound. She hissed through her teeth and flinched, but he held her arm to where she couldn't move.
"I am going to safely assume that hurt," he said and let go of her arm and stood up, going to a part of the room. She held her shoulder and watched him go and search through a cabinet near the door. He mumbled to himself before pulling out a role of bandage tape, nodding to himself in approval and rushing back over to help Mae. "Now that the wound is all clean, I'll wrap it. Just so you don't get hurt anymore."
She nodded and watched him undo part of it and lowered it to where it was nearly touching her arm. He placed the tip of it down on the beginning of the long wound, looking at Mae as she didn't make eye contact and was just staring at the floor. He pressed it down a little, earning a small whimper from the small figure as she flinched. Julian frowned when he realized that he was hurting the woman he thought he knew, and wound it around the other side of it and then got ready to do it back over the wound. As he continued to wrap her arm, she kept on flinching, and not moving to jump away.
"Do you want me to keep going?" He asked, feeling guilty about her being in pain.
"Just...just get it over, please."
He shrugged and continued winding it around, making Mae make some form of small noise each time he had to press it down directly on the wound. He concentrated however, the guilt that he no longer had his mark to heal her increased per time he had to cover her actual wound.
"There, it's all wrapped. That should stop you from getting hurt again. As long as it's covered and you don't move your arm too much, it should heal just fine. Though it will definitely scar now that I've seen it up close," he shook his head and then looked at Mae, "how about a drink? Take your mind off it?"
"Not the time," Mae reminded him as he couldn't help but laugh, grinning ear to ear. With the amount of guilt in her heart, she was hiding it well. As they sat their in silence, she felt so many questions run to her head and she only wished that she could either escape everything right then and there, or continue to live this fantasy.
He sighed, and then looked at her. "Why are you back here Mae? Did you come back just for me?"
"No," She said, looking at her palms. Ok, that was partly a lie. "Julian, what do you remember about me?"
"I knew it, another memory loss situation. Great! Now we have to figure this out again."
"Well I mean, it's-"
He put a finger to her mouth and put a hand to his head, thinking. "Well, lots of stuff. I remember plenty of things about you. You love cheesecake, and your favorite time of the day is sunset. If you had the chance, you'd go and sit on the rooftops and wait for me and then we'd talk and ask each other questions."
I guess I was copied here exactly. That's all what I'd love to do. I love cheesecake, oh but peanuts are much better. Where you can just crack the shells open and eat the peanuts. And sometimes the shells. Didn't someone say those were unhealthy? Eh, doesn't matter. I do love the sunset, and I love sitting somewhere and just watching it.... hm... "Besides all that generic information... what else? I mean, theoretically if your life was a story, what important things have we done together?"
    "Well," he started, and then began listing off all the things they had done and conquered together. He talked about the dungeon and the office and the letters that Mae found and decoded. He talked about the trial, the underground market where she saved a small fox from being killed for its pelt, and his controversial hanging. He talked about the visit to the Hanged Man's realm where they had to search for answers about how to get back home, and then he talked about the second time they were there. He talked about Muriel's place in the swamp, and then he talked about the first time that they went to Portia's place.
"Oh.. I think I remember the shop too! When you broke in and I got all freaked out. But that was- well, it would have been at the very beginning of our story."
Julian laughed a little bit and put his arm around her, shaking her a bit in a friendly way,"And don't forget the play theatre in the lower part of town," he said, smiling a little bit.
Mae felt her face heat up and she crossed her left leg over her right, grabbing her ankle with her hands and rocking back. "Oh how could I forget."
That wasn't me. But it can be me. Maybe it was me, or at least a part of me. No, it wasn't. But maybe it can be now? If I'm here, maybe it can be? We need to get home, but what if we can stay? What if we go and come back? What is the disappointment? I don't feel any.
Mae opened her mouth to say something, but stopped midway as he was looking at her with a content gaze. She suddenly felt her anxiety lift a bit. This wasn't a soul-piercing one, but someone who was trying to figure someone out. Trying to see what was happening inside of her brain. "Um... Julian?"
"Sorry, I'm sorry... it's just been so long that I can't help it."
"I..." She felt words get stuck in her throat, "no. Not now."
"I understand. Losing your memories, or at least some of them can be damaging. We both would know! I won't do anything until you're comfortable. It's what good lovers do, and good people all together," he took his arm off of her and put them behind him, losing his stiff posture. "You have that face."
"Which face? I have a lot of faces."
"The 'I want to say something but am nervous' face. C'mon, I want to hear what you want to say."
I really was here then. This is... exactly how I am. Every single detail so far has been on the nose and accurate. "Julian. I have to tell you something... something that might hurt you."
"I'm listening."
I shouldn't be doing this. But Portia knows. It's only fair he does. "I wasn't off traveling to some distant land, and I didn't ditch you to go do something else. I was relaxing with my friends, and suddenly I was brought here. Maybe it was by fate, or some other unknown power, but us five found a portal that brought us here. And the second we touched it, we weren't our old selves anymore, but rather ourselves."
"Are you positive it wasn't magic from Asra trying to bring you five here for some magical reason? I know he also missed you like I did, so maybe he got too worried and called upon the Arcana's powers to bring you here." He sat straight back up and watched as Mae stood up with her hands together in front of her.
"I'm positive. He said he didn't know what brought us here, or why the Arcana did. He has no clue why we are here right now. And I have no clue how we are here... or why really. I have nothing here, nor do they. It's... like we were supposed to see something here and then leave again, yet there is this voice in my head that is telling me that to get back home, I had to see you."
"You... have a home here? You have your entire life here, and every single adventure you've ever had is here! What home is there not?" He put a hand on his mouth and then snapped, "Do you want me to join you on your adventure! I'd happily do so!"
"No Julian it's... listen. Everything you've listed about me is so right that I worry that somehow I have permanently affected this place and affected you in a way that's harmful. I'm worried about what I've done and what I did do here that I have no clue about... the Mae you knew is so much like me that she may have been me, or some incarnation of me or something! But it isn't me. I'm not her, and I don't want you to think I am. Maybe when I leave, she'll-"
"You're... what?" He went wide-eyed as he stared at her, Mae's hands fiddling in front of her body. "She's... gone?"
"Yes... I mean, no? Maybe? I don't know!" She threw her arms out and put one on her chin, turning to look at the wall before turning back to him. He was slowly standing up, still looking at her, "Maybe my spirit was here. Maybe someone else was here that was exactly like me. But all I know is that I've never been here. I've never seen you like this."
Julian walked over to her and put his hands on her shoulders, "No. This is a memory loss situation. Whatever has happened to you is corrupting you to think this way. Mae, look at me. Stop this nonsensical talk."
"I can't because it's true. Julian I am telling you this because-"
"I don't want to hear why!" He shook her shoulders and she was resisting the urge to run and flee, "I remember everything we did. Every single battle we overcame, every enemy we defeated, every single kiss and line and time we hung out. All the happy moments we spent.."
"Those memories aren't with me though! They are with another Mae! Someone that may exist someplace else, yet I haven't the faintest clue how!" She yelled back at him and pushed him away and felt like a sheep cornered in a pen by wolves, nails in its feet and no eyes. Unable to see the danger right in front of it. "I wish I could play the role you wish for me and stay here, but there is someplace calling me that I need to go to. And that place isn't here."
"No!" He yelled and pushed his folded clothes onto the floor and then turned back to her, "I did not lose you to the plague only for you to die anyways! I didn't feel joy only for it to... to have been white lies! You are Mae! My Mae! Quit this game already!"
"There is no game, this is life! I don't know why your Mae disappeared, or how she even existed. I wish I knew and I will help you find out, but I can't fill a role I was never designed to fill," she defended herself and stood her ground, Julian's face enraged with tears welling up in his eyes. Her vision was partially obscured by her also beginning to cry, but for a moment his figure went black, and he was reaching out to her. With a yell she swatted the imaginary vision away and was met with him standing right across from her, fists curled.
"You took her away from me. How dare you. You are nothing but a leech in my life, and I will get back my Mae, the real one, no matter what it takes. Take your play somewhere else, I have no time for snakes," he hissed out his last words like a venomous cobra before exiting the room, slamming the door so hard everything rattled and she fell to the ground.
She shook her head and slammed her fists on the ground in anger, teeth gritted.
I warned you of disappointment.
Take me home. Now. Take us all home.
No. You don't deserve to yet.
We had a deal. I meet him, and you take us home. Why do you dangle freedom over our heads?
Because you haven't decided if you want to or not.
Mae felt her head going light, the room quiet, but her body weakened. She hadn't eaten in two days. She was dehydrated. Tired. Wounded. As a last effort, she lowered herself all the way to the ground to be comfortable instead of flopping over, and turned her head to look at the door. She felt the bandages on her arm rub on the tile, and guilt washed over her. The last thing she needed before passing out was guilt, yet she got it.
Mae landed on solid ground suddenly and she opened her eyes, feeling everything leave her body all at once. She stood up quickly and looked around, thinking that she had woken up and barely fell asleep. Everything was... dark. The world around her wasn't as dark as the platform she stood on, yet the silver cracks in the ground. There was ominous background noise around her, and she shut her eyes. Behind them came images of silver and black buildings arising from the ground, glowing stars in the buildings with a river or black ink dropping off of the imaginary ledge of the ground. As the image finished behind her eyes, words formed. "The Edge of the World."
"What the hell is this place... where am I?"
"Are you afraid?" A voice came from her left and she turned around to see a shadow in the darkness that she couldn't make out. It was so camouflaged she almost missed it the first time.
"Who are you?"
"That depends. Who are you?"
"Mae.... and you are?"
"No one important," the shadow shrugged it's shoulders and still looked at her from a distance, swaying in place, "I am unimportant unless you deem me important."
She put a hand under her chin and raised an eyebrow, "well considering I'm literally in a dark void that is called 'The Edge of the World', I think you're important. So... wait hold on, I'm dreaming right? Is this just a scarily realistic dream because I passed out?"
The creature put its hands together and poked its head from the darkness, ears and an animal-like head looking back at her. It had on a feather-like headdress, the colors dull, but obviously a washed out pink with a jewel glittering on the front of it. There also seemed to be a golden plaque on the side of it, but Mae could barely make that detail out since the shadow was standing so far away from her. "Well, yes and no. It makes more sense in context. Though I assume this is closer to reality than a dream, similar to another situation you've witnessed before."
She crossed her arms, "Ok, how on Earth do you know about that?"
"What? The dreams? The three days within a week that left you wondering what was beyond your world and also allowed you to meet those you wished to meet? How everything had aligned to where you had people close to you? Or perhaps how you finally had the friends that laid behind a screen and from the stories you heard from acquaintances?"
"And the ones that scarred me for life because of a toxic imaginary friend that began to haunt me, change my decisions, and hurt me in ways unfathomable? Yes, those dreams."
"Well yeesh, if you talk about it that way that makes me just want to forget I ever brought it back up," the creature stayed where it was, still being shrouded in darkness. "Hm... I thought you liked those dreams. It let you escape from reality for even a night, right? Incorporated fiction into reality as well? I... excuse me. Even with my knowledge of the events I never saw them as inherently bad."
"Yeah well, I doubt you were haunted by a demon for what... one, two, three... three was when I was twelve so then it would've been five when I had fully gotten rid of that thing the first time... then it came back around seventeen... left again at twenty..."
    "Alright alright, I get it! A lot of unnecessary years to get rid of whatever was haunting you," the creature finally emerged from the darkness and looked down at Mae. It had a canine head and tail on all human proportions, hands laced together in front of its body. It did have a headdress on, pink with feathers placed every so neatly. The creature also had on silk sashes around its neck and a robe that draped down its body, making it appear formally dressed. It was tall, definitely being over six foot or so, and it looked down at her with yellowish tinted eyes. "I cannot help but ask you if you have ever thought about why the demon did it. Why it did things the way it did..."
    "It did those things to hurt me and bring me under its control. It manipulated me."
    "I don't think it did."
    "That's because you aren't me. Whatever you are... you aren't me. You don't know what it did to me."
    "I mean, I do?"
    Mae's attention was now fully on the creature that was standing before her as it paced back and forth around the empty space, it's footsteps echoing around the dark chasm she had woken up in. It looked back at her and opened its mouth before looking down at the platform. "Say, let's go somewhere a little more comfortable for an in depth chat, shall we!"
    With a snap of it's fingers, the two dropped from the platform and past silver, gleaming stars. Mae looked at the creature with an alarmed gaze as it fell with a comedic position to appear that it was leaning back. One leg crossed over the other, arms behind it's head, and one eye open to look at it's companion. "Say! One more thing! You're actually the real Mae, right?"
    With an unenthusiastic, alarmed glare she crossed her arms as they continued to fall, "Of course I am! Who else would I be?"
    "Dunno! Maybe someone who looks very very similar to the real one! I got worried I might've brought the wrong person here!"
Someone who looks very very similar to the real one? Does he mean like a replica of me? A copy? Like the game version I theorized about! Is that what it's- no... it's a he. That's a male voice and all. I'm sure he doesn't like being called "it" in my brain.
    Before Mae could speak and ask the creature her question, she hit water and opened her eyes to see a blue light above the darkness. She swam up and took a deep breath, now seeing nothing around her except for a glowing blue light on what looked to be a small patch of land a little ways away from her. Quickly, she began swimming towards the island, panicking about what could be under the water now. She didn't feel entirely safe here, and it didn't help that with how absurd everything was, there could be anything around her.
    Mae had minor submechanophobia, meaning that she was afraid of being in bodies of water with man-made objects, or of man-made objects simply being in water and submerged. She wasn't scared of animatronics in the water, but she definitely was about being in there with something she couldn't see. The entire thought process that something could catch her by her clothes and she got stuck on a gear and dragged down into the water made her breathe faster as she desperately was clawing her way to the island. Without any hesitation she quickly got out of the water, clutching her chest as she was calming down from her minor panic attack she just had.
    "See, what I believe is wrong is that you were so caught up in the scariness of not understanding how everything was falling into your life, that you began to push away everything and anything fictional that could even result in imagining scenarios where you and another character you admired interacted," the same voice came from the other side of the small island and she turned, but didn't see anyone. Mae leaned against the tree on the island to catch her breath while taking in everything this new creature was saying. She looked up towards what would have been the sky, waiting for the voice to return, and swore that she saw multiple purple eyes staring down at her from the darkness. "From what I know, your mind had a partial toll on what happened. You were young, so your mind brought to life new things you didn't like, yet you had a hard time to say no to these things. Seeing some fictional friends at your soccer games, cheering you on... or even talking to you. I understand what that must've been for you, yet I do think you might have taken some things out of context."
    "So you're on the demon's side?"
    "I didn't say that! All I'm saying is that there are some things that you couldn't control, which then, in turn, maybe the demon couldn't control," something emerged from the water and she turned her head to see a dragon like creature emerge from the depths. It had no visible eyes on it's head, but had rocks around its neck and thin legs and a tail. "I'm connected to you, and I suppose it's fair to tell you that I have been since those dreams wracked your mind."
    "How-"
    "I guess I'm like a personal spirit guide! Manifested from your thoughts and emotions and there to try and understand the wonders of human life! How these emotions and instances affect your mind. And may I say that wow, humans think very differently from situations than I had originally been led to believe! You have an imaginary friend come to love to show basic love and give someone what they desire and suddenly a few natural mistakes makes it abusive!"
"You... know what it was trying to do?"
"Well I mean, yeah! I was attached to you, so I read your emotions on the situation, and then got to the emotions that the friend had since you two became linked as well."
"Say," she held up a finger as he walked forward, a smile on his face. I don't trust him entirely, yet I must believe what he is saying. "What's your name?"
"Well um, oh geez it's been a while since I've had one..." He put a hand under his chin and sat down on his hind legs to think, "Ah! Ghost's the name, and watching over you and your experiences in life is my game! Along with trying to fulfill my own destiny and get what I want out of our mutual relationship."
Ghost grabbed Mae's hand and shook it kindly, still having an eyeless smile on his face. Other cultures look for the eyes to see if they are smiling, but he has none... That is definitely a genuine smile though! Teeth and all! She shook his hand as well and shrugged, "Well, you know my name. Obviously."
"Yes indeed. Now I do have one question. I'm kinda still on the topic about dreams if you don't mind me continuing that for just a moment longer?" When Ghost didn't hear anything from her in objection to it, he cleared his throat. "The consequences of pushing away the fiction that may have been trying to console you were that you never got to indulge in fiction the same, right?"
"I mean technically. According to my, y'know, brain, I never did in my life to the extreme level many people did who experienced basic hormones. Why?"
"Well, was it worth pushing the friend away for those consequences of never having dreams like that again? Never feeling any of those desired emotions alone?"
"I think it was. I never found the need to feel such things," she extended her hands out and looked at Ghost, who was sitting and listening. "Like, I'm sure I will be able to again one day, but I don't want to go through the way that my child brain made it possible. I'm already mature enough for my age, and I don't need anymore reminders of that trauma."
Ghost nodded, "I see I see..."
"Why?"
"I'm just curious. I still cannot understand the human mind sometimes."
"Ghost? Do you know how to get us home?"
"You wish to leave all of this behind so soon?"
"I have to. We have jobs and lives that we must continue living, and we cannot risk going missing or missing even one paycheck that might make or break one or more of our lives. I might have finished school before them and have less of a strict time schedule since I'm doing online work for now, but still. I need to continue my job."
"What if your friends wish to stay?"
Will I stay here? I don't think so. "No. I have to get home. Even if it means being separated from my friends. They will make their own decisions on their own, but I will try everything in my power to keep us all together if that is a possibility."
The world suddenly shook and Ghost stood up, looking around. "Quick! That is your notion to get going and wake up!" He nudged her back towards the water and she dug her heels into the ground, opening her mouth like she wanted to say something. Before she could, Ghost spoke, "Just think about what I said! Revenge is one thing, yet forgiveness might be another!"
And suddenly Mae was submerged in water, gasping for breath as everything around her was swirling. Mae began choking as everything caved in on her and she felt her body struggling underneath something. She couldn't fully wake up even if her body wasn't in her brain anymore, and she could only feel herself choking as her body spasmed in the world she was in. Mae couldn't open her eyes and couldn't control any part of her body as if it was possessed. There were voices yelling around her, but they were unable to be determined if they were male or female.
"MAE!" She heard a loud voice yell in her ear, which was definitely female. She still couldn't tell if it was one of her friends or someone unknown, but she didn't think about that too hard as her body spasmed.
She felt herself come back to her body and her eyes shot open as she began coughing up nothing, her eyes were watering and her limbs felt ice cold. She brought her hand up to her neck as her eyes were still adjusting to the bright lights and colors of the people around her, the momentum at which her body was shaking seemed unnatural. Mae began sobbing quietly as she tasted her salty and warm tears as they trailed down her face and chin and down to nowhere.
Mae couldn't move as her eyes darted back between Perri, Dante, Ramille, and Elvadoer, her mind racing to pick up loose files and put together the puzzle laid before her. Perri rushed forward and hugged her, not making a noise as the rest of her friends sat there looking at her worriedly.
"Thank whatever god exists that you're ok," Elvadoer said as her voice cracked, her hands fidgeting alongside Ramille's. Perri choked out a laugh and didn't let go of Mae for a solid moment as she was recovering. Mae started feeling her sense coming back to her and the light in the room seemed to get suddenly brighter as her limbs collapsed all around her body and she said there, ready to faint again from hunger, dehydration and exhaustion once again.
"Can you get up?" Ramille asked, standing up and looking over Mae as Perri let go, crying a little as well.
Mae shook her head as her stomach curled in on itself and she winced, unable to move her arms at the moment as the adrenaline drained down. Dante stood by the door with Elvadoer as Ramille and Perri each put an arm around the slumped figure and helped her onto her feet, nearly stumbling in the process. They succeeded in making it to the door of the room as Dante opened it and let the girls out before he closed it behind himself. The five all walked down the decorated hallways without much talk, and the only noises to be heard were the rigid breathing of Mae and everyone's footsteps. No one walked past them, which was odd for a servant occupied castle. Mae was about to ask where they were heading, but she couldn't muster up any energy to even speak. Perri and Ramille kept on supporting her all the way towards nowhere.
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A friend within minds is one to listen to, yet the friends on the outside of the body may have a word to say about your friend and you.