i need u

•10•

As Zion drives to the hospital the only thing I can think about is him actually dying. When the paramedics arrived they said he was still alive, but didn't look good at all. They reassured us that they would try their best, but nothing in this moment can reassure me.

The only thing that I can think about is the worst. What if he dies? Did he do this because of our fight? Is it my fault for not just calling a therapist, so he could get help?

"Alise," Edwin says from the back seat. "You need to calm down. You are literally shaking."

"I can't help it," I say. I start to bite my fingernails and the tears start to come on again, "He's going to die."

"He's not," Brandon says.

"W-what if we were too late?"

"We weren't," Edwin says. "You can't think negative though."

"It's kinda hard not to do that," I say. "He's the love of my life and he might die. How do I not think negative?"

"I know," Edwin says. "I'm sorry."

The rest of the car ride we are completely silent. None of us say anything. The only thing I can focus on is the shaking of my whole body.

Right as we get to the hospital I run inside faster than humanly possible. I get to the front desk, "Nick Mara!"

"Who are you?" The lady asks me. "What is your relation to him?"

"He is my boyfriend," I yell. "Please, where is he at?"

"You can't go back there yet," she says. "He's still not conscious. I'll call you when you can go back. I'm sorry, miss."

My face drops, "Thank you," I whisper. I walk away from the lady and I sit down at one of the chairs with the boys.

"What did she say?" Zion asks.

"He's still not conscious, so I can't go back there yet," I say quietly.

"It'll be okay," Brandon says as he starts to rub my back.

Now it's just a waiting game. We wait until he either wakes up or we wait until he dies.

***

"Are you guys here for Nick Mara?"

I stand up quickly, "Yes." The boys stand up too," That's us."

"He's awake."

I start to cry, "He's alive?"

"Yes, miss. He is alive," the doctor says. "You can go back and see him now. He is in room 202."

"Thank you so much," I say. I walk past the doctor and the boys follow me. We walk down the halls until I get to room 202.

"We will wait out here," Edwin says.

"Thanks, guys."

I walk through the door to see him laying there. He looks like he is sleeping, but he is actually awake. He looks so drained and tired.

"Hi," I say. I walk to his bed and I stand right next to him.

He smiles and weakly says, "Hi, mamas." He holds out his arms. "Come here."

I lay down on the hospital bed with him, shoving my face into his chest. As soon as we wrap each other in each other's arms I start to cry super hard.

He could be dead right now. Our last hug could have been earlier today. Our last I love you could have been hours ago. He's here, but he doesn't want to be.

"I'm so sorry," he says.

"N-Nick, why did you do it?"

"Because, Alise. I've always been so depressed with everything that has happened with my dad. The nightmares just made it worse and I felt like I was a burden on all of you. I felt like you weren't happy and I was making your life hell. I thought you could do better without me."

"That's not true," I cry. "You are who I need. I don't need anyone else in my life, but you."

"I regret it," he says.

"Do you though?" I ask. "Do you really regret it or are you just saying that to make me feel better? Or when we get home are you going to try and kill yourself again?"

"I mean it," he says. "The second that I took those pills I regretted it. I was looking for help, but nobody was around. That pathway is completely abandoned and I didn't have my phone. I really regret it, Alise."

"I'm sorry," I say.

"Why are you apologizing?" He asks. "I'm sorry for putting you through hell. I shouldn't have done it."

"You have to get help now," I say softly.

"I promise," he says. He kisses the top of my head multiple times, "I love you, ma."

"I love you more, bub."

[2 years later]

(Nick's pov)

It's been two years since I tried to kill myself. I have been so good ever since that. I haven't tried to do it again, and I got the help I needed. After my therapy I realized that my life is important. I realized that I am worth it and that things do eventually get better with time.

I haven't talked to my dad in years. He hasn't tried to contact us and I haven't tried to contact him. He kinda can't contact me though. He's in jail. After a bit of therapy I thought it was best to come clean about what he did. I didn't want him on the streets. I didn't want him to do the same thing to other people that he did to Callie and I.

Alise and I aren't together anymore. We figured that it would be best to split up after everything. She is doing amazing and so am I. I'm super happy for her.

"Dada! Momma said it's time for the reveal," my little boy, Luke, says.

I smile, "I'll be right out. Just let me grab my phone."

I walk to the living room and I unplug my phone. I walk back out and I go to the back yard to see the boys and some other close friends.

"Hi, bub," I hear behind me. I turn around to see Alise. Haha. I got you there. We didn't break up. We are better than ever. We are actually doing the gender reveal for our second baby together.

"Hi, mama," I say. "Are you ready for this?"

"So ready," she says.

"Let's do it then," I say.

We both turn to face everyone and they all get quiet, "We just wanted to say thank you all for coming today. It means so much to the both of us," I say.

Alise smiles, "And with that being said we are going to begin the reveal." She looks over at Luke, "Come her, baby boy."

He runs over to us and I pick him up, "Ok, Luke. On the count of three you are going to pop the balloon."

"Otay," he says. I hand him the small needle while Alise holds the balloon close to him.

Everyone starts to countdown with us.

"3!"

"2!"

"1!"

Luke pops the balloon and out comes pink confetti. Everyone starts cheering super loud. Alise and I instantly get tears in our eyes.

We are having a girl.

I lean over and I press my lips to Alise's super fast. We both pull away and I smile, "I love you, Alise."

"And I love you," she says.

Trying to kill myself will forever be my biggest regret. I'm so glad that I got the help I needed and I'm so grateful to be alive today.

I'm so excited to start this journey with my beautiful girlfriend and my two amazing kids.

I guess life really is good.

                                   The end