Undeniably Hopeless

I felt numb staring the ceiling through the dark hours of the night. In the dead silence. Every night i'd put on a CD to sooth me to sleep as i would have trouble falling asleep but that night i couldn't be bothered. So instead i laid awake all night, my head throbbing, eyes puffy and red, heart aching... Only listening to the sound of my shaky breaths and bed sheets being ruffled as i twisted and turned as an attempt to get comfortable. 

How many must i take, how many lines must be crossed before i go blind? 

Me and my family had started self isolation that week so i didn't have a worry about school but then again i had no worries for anything, i couldn't care any less. What only felt like minutes passed as hours before i realised how pathetic i really was being. I convinced myself to get up and find some form of motivation to get dressed and do some studying. 

I had finished studying after 2 hours that day, it was around 12:00am when i decided to message Sandra. I explained that i was wrong, i explained that breaking up wasn't a good idea for me, i explained that bringing up breaking up because she saw no point in us wasn't a good idea because after all i wouldn't stop loving her. And i knew that if i were to try and stop id only hurt more because i only wanted her. Only could think of her. It was horrific. I anxiously waited for a reply. I anxiously waited and waited and waited and waited...

Ping! New Message received, Instagram, woozysandra.... 
Big breath, couldn't panic, couldn't be nervous or anxious, approach with confidence...

She explained how she also felt it was a mistake, she explained how she felt, she explained that she wanted to be back together... That's why i called it the one day heartbreak. 
A heartbreak that was so excruciating it only lasted a day. And i couldn't feel more relief about it and again i cried. Looking back i cried alot, only sad tears 3 times. This time i cried for joy, for relief, for pure and utter delight. Because now i had hope again. Hope. Hope that that we could face anything, because we loved each other, because we were the one and only for each other.

Because we were Soulmates. 

And i? Well i was Undeniably Hopeless.
Undeniably Hopeless without her. Without My Sandra. Without My girl.