That's an unsettling title.... But it's not what you think. "Bertram! Bertram! Wake up! Come on! Make the kids breakfast!" Jessie yelled at Bertram's door.
"I'm coming, I'm coming. Be patient," Bertram groaned.
"Good morning Bertram!" Zuri yelled, giving him a hug.
"Get off of me," he demanded.
"Okay," Zuri sighed.
"Can you make us pancakes?" Emma asked. "I invited my friend for breakfast and she said she can only eat pancakes for breakfast otherwise she'll throw up."
"Fine."
"Thanks." Bertram began to make pancakes, despite being the laziest person alive. It was strange, and according to the Ross kids, unnatural. Little did they know, Bertram was doing this for a reason. He began to laugh maniacally.
"Um.... Bertram?" Jessie asked, concerned. Bertram stopped laughing.
"Oh, uh, yes?"
"Don't forget the syrup."
"Okay."
"Can you make two heart-shaped pancakes? For uh, Jessie and I?" It was obviously something Luke asked.
"No. And take the hint, Jessie doesn't like you."
"I'll never believe that." Bertram snickered after hearing that. When he finished the pancakes, he set the table. Once again, he was laughing maniacally. It was.... weird. It gave everyone a creepy vibe.
"Bone apple tea!" Bertram chuckled.
"It's bon appetite," Emma corrected. (Not gonna lie, I don't know if I spelled that correctly.)
"Whatever."
"Are there chocolate chips?" Ravi asked.
"No."
"Can we get some?"
"No."
"Oh yeah, Bertram," Emma began, "my friend likes berries on top of her pancakes." Bertram growled at this.
"Fine. Now begin to eat." Bertram started to laugh, again. This made the kids, and Jessie, freaked out. Did Bertram do something to their food, or something? This made them nervous to even eat. "Why isn't anyone eating?"
"Oh, we were waiting for you?" Jessie said, unsure.
"W- wow. Th- thank you."
"You're welcome. Thank you for breakfast."
"No problem." Bertram laughed at this as he grabbed a plate. He then grabbed a pancake and started to eat it with berries. Everyone sighed, knowing if Bertram was eating, he didn't do anything to the food. They still wondered why he kept laughing. When everyone else was eating, he snickered. Jessie had had enough.
"Bertram," she said seriously.
"Hmm?"
"Why do you keep laughing, or snickering, or whatever?"
"Oh, uh..." Bertram had to think of something quick because he didn't know what to say. "I was laughing at something that happened yesterday."
"Alright." Everyone went back to eating. Once everyone was done, Bertram grabbed their plates.
"Hope everyone enjoyed," he said, under his breath.
"What was that?" Emma's friend asked, rudely.
"I said thank you. You know, for your plate?" he immediately replied.
"Oh," she said flatly. "You're welcome. Come on, Emma. Let's go."
"Oh, okay. Yeah." The Ross kids, Emma's friend, and Jessie went to the elevator.
"I'm going to walk with you to the school, I want you kids to be safe," Jessie told them.
"Okay," Ravi replies. Jessie and the kids walked to the school. Once Jessie knew they were safe, she called a cab and took it back to the penthouse. (Honestly I don't remember if it really is a penthouse.)
"Bertram! I know you did something this morning when making breakfast," Jessie yelled, angrily.
"I know," Bertram chuckled.
"It wasn't to the food, it couldn't have been. You ate it too!"
"You're correct about that."
"Then what! What was it!?" Jessie then made a gasp of realization. "The plates! It would have had to be the plates!"
"How so?"
"You! Y- You grabbed your own plate, not one you set on the table!"
"You've caught me," Bertram confessed. He was shocked, though. (Imagine his face shocked lol.) "But how? How did you know?"
"Back when I lived in Texas, Darla always messed with my stuff. I guess I picked it up. She was always suspicious."
"I honestly thought no one would notice if I ate too."
"Well you obviously failed. You made everything obvious for me to see. But what exactly did you do to the plates. I know you did something to them, but what? I didn't see anything wrong with them, what could it be. You can just tell me, because I already know you did something." Bertram began to laugh as he led Jessie to the kitchen.
"See these plates? If you look at the bottom, they're not actually fancy, they're made in China!"
"Really? That's what you did?" Jessie knew he was hiding something else. Bertram is way better than this. "That's nothing. I know you did something worse.""Fine. The plates aren't washed yet, right? If you look at the top closely, you can see a layer of.... something."
"Oh my God. Oh my God. Oil. Fish oil. That's disgusting Bertram."
"I know. That's why I did it.""The kids! Oh no! They're going to get sick at school."
Bertram started to laugh, once more. "I know!" Jessie rushed to the elevator and quickly took a cab to the school. "Have fun!" Bertram yelled. Once Jessie got to the school she went to the office. The receptionist, named Pamela pointed towards the kids.
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Bobtram (A Bob Duncan x Bertram Winkle)
FanfictionYes, I made this. Bob Duncan, an exterminator with a family he believes he doesn't fit in with. Bertram Winkle, a miserable butler for a family he hates. One in Denver, the other in New York. They cross paths one day, and fall in love. Both give eac...