Broken Wings

A Time of Confusion

Else Schüffen- Munich, Germany 1941

Nazi Germany was a confusing time for most. I think it is fair to say that for families with a Nazi soldier and a Jew, it was far more confusing.

Especially if you're a child in the middle of the whole conflict.

Else didn't know whether she should support Maximilian or Josef, which made her family life increasingly difficult each day.

"I just wish I had a friend. I wish I had someone who would understand, someone who wouldn't care that my brother's a Jew," Else whispered teary-eyed, covering her head with a pillow.

"Else, may I come in?" Max stood at the door, patiently waiting.

"Ja, Max." She gazed up into his smiling eyes. How could she choose? How could she choose between him and everyone else? Why must she choose?

We may choose to ask why all day, but the truth is, we are still going to wonder. There are some things that we just aren't going to figure out. Else longed to figure this all out, to have someone tell her everything.

Yet she knew it wasn't so.

"Is something the matter?" he asked gently when he saw her tear-stained face. Else nodded, burying her face into his sweater. She breathed in his tender heart, his innocence, wanting to remember this moment forever.

"Ja."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Else shook her head, more tears pooling in her eyes. She allowed them to pour down her face, causing little bits of hair to stick to her cheeks.

"It's okay, you can tell me," he whispered.

"Nein, Maximilian, I can't. I don't want to hurt you."

"Else, it would hurt me more for you to not tell me."

"All right," she sniffled, "I don't know whose side to choose. I love you, Max, but I also love Mama and Papa and Josef. If I help you, then everyone will hate me. But if I support Josef and the Nazi party, then you'll... die." The words dripped out of her mouth like syrup. She gazed into her brother's eyes, judging his expression. His eyes seemed to smile, almost a melancholy smile.

"Oh, Else," he said, squeezing her. "Honey, you don't have to choose a side. I'm not going to die if you decide to support Hitler."

"But if I don't choose one or the other, then everyone will hate me and you'll die," she cried.

"I don't know Else. I honestly don't know."

❀❀❀

Else never really excelled in singing.

Let me just point that out to you beforehand.

And in Hitler Youth, there was singing.

Hundreds of young girls, perfectly lined up in systematic rows, all perfectly matching in their blue and white Hitler Youth uniforms, with their jaws dropped, singing a melodious note. The sky was filled with clouds, heavenly clouds that looked rather like marshmallows. The sun hid behind a marshmallow, its yellowish glow still piercing through. The girls all stood straight, looks of concentration on their faces.

To me, they looked more like soldiers than young girls.

Standing amongst the rows of girls, Else mouthed the words of the German national anthem, Deutschlandlied, staring off into the distance, her mind elsewhere. She yearned to escape the gym that confined them, into the crystal sky that welcomed her.

"I don't understand how singing our national anthem a million times is helping us become better housewives," the girl next to her muttered, startling her.

"Ja."

"My name is Myna, which means love," she said, holding out her hand. Friendship glinted in her eyes, a sly smile spreading across her face.

"Else, but I don't know what it means." She shrugged.

Myna bit her lip, as if pondering what to do with a girl who doesn't know the meaning of her name.

"Oh, I can ask my father tonight. He knows everything," she said, "We should probably start singing again, though. Yesterday, they caught a girl talking instead of singing, and they gave her a good hiding."

"Really?" Else whispered, moving her lips so they stood out prominently. She cringed at the thought of a Hitler Youth leader beating her with their bare hands, or whatever tool was accessible at that moment.

"I don't know, that's just what someone told me." Myna smiled a very peculiar smile, rather like a smile of friendship, and then returned to singing. She belted her guts out, nearly bursting Else's ears. When they were finally dismissed from Hitler Youth, Else came running to greet Mama. Much to her surprise, Father was there too.

"Father! I didn't know you would be here!"

"They let me off a little early today," he said, winking.

"Mama, Father, I need a new book. I want to read about the Führer, then maybe I can choose whose side to be on. There's this book, and it's called Mein Kampf!" Else said. Her feet danced excitedly across the cobblestone, hope present in her eyes. Maybe the Führer would help her decide. Maybe he could solve everything for her.

"Else! What's all this about? There's no 'sides;' you're not fighting a war," Mama said. "Come on, we're going home."

Sighing, Else followed her parents to their nice black car.

It seemed as if no one understood her.

"No one will ever understand," Else whispered to the window once they arrived home, "I don't understand. I don't understand. I don't understand. I don't understand how just like that, one man can change from being good to bad. And how then he can so easily change back to good. And then bad again." Tears dripped down her face, staining the wooden floor. Her voice grew stronger with each word, gaining more and more momentum.

"How can the Führer save our country, be so good, yet kill so many? I don't understand," she wept, burying her face in the curtains. Everything seemed so ugly, so complicated. And she was only nine.

"I don't know what they expect me to do. I don't know. I mean, how can I betray Maximilian to support Josef and Mama and Father? Or the other way around? I don't think Mama or Father understand yet, either." Else gazed at the sky, praying to God. Somehow she felt better, better from speaking the words out loud.

Yet she still didn't understand.

Oh, dear, Else, I'm afraid I don't understand either.

I don't think anyone does.