Let me tell you one thing, when your youngest asks to go outside to play with friends, and says they're going to sell rocks , don't scream and say "you can't sell rocks!". and expect them to NOT cry or be upset. Children, no people, aren't robots the have feelings.
When your oldest starts crying when your yelling at them, the LAST thing you should do is point out every "flaw" they have. To them those "flaws" are them trying to COPE. If you talk to your eldest's friends they are going to talk about a happy person who silently laughs, loves to sing, is depressed but happy w/ them, and asexual. All you see is a homosexual teen who, never smiles or laughs. Then, you're going to wonder if they're repressing, nope, they are terrified of rejection, of you. Why? one word: Abuse. "I don't hit you." It's called Verbal Abuse and its harmful.
