No Thanks, I'm Not Hungry [COMPLETED]

Chapter 3: Do I Look Fat In This Dress?

January 4 20XX

        Darling Dear Diary of mine,

        Haha I'm just that good at alliteration. Why yes diary I am in a very good mood today and well a conflicting mood too.        

        I lost a total of eighteen pounds and well... I feel better and lighter... I'm not as repulsed to look in the mirror, but I'm still only a bit chubby. I guess I have another ten or twenty to go, because why stop at 182 pounds? I wanna now be 170 or 160 since I wanna feel better about myself.

        And speaking about feeling better and in a conflicting mood. I went shopping with my mom today at the mall and she let me be on my own for an hour. So I went to a random store and walked through the clothes when I accidentally when through the girl section and saw a.... well pretty dress.

        I secretly took the dress and tried it on just for curiosity and saw that I felt... Pretty in it... It was a pretty white cream colored dressed that flowed so prettily and had golden lace and it was so so beautiful. I even felt beautiful for a second until I realized how awkward it was for me. A boy. With a... well you know... 

        It makes me confused because it's like... I liked wearing a dress, but I don't want to be a complete transgender girl. (or boy? I get confused on how the whole thing works).... so what the hell do I want to be?

        So not only do I wanna lose weight, I wanna buy dresses and feel pretty and handsome.... How messed up is that? Then again I kinda am mentally messed up. I wonder if this is just a 'phase' or if my feelings are truly genuine for that really really pretty dress... Well I dunno.

        Anyway, See ya,

                ~Eli Wyatt Walker c:

P.s: Notice how I sound just a little bit bubbly and happy. It's all thanks to weight loss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

A/n: Rest in peace Lelah Alcorn. You deserved the best in this world, unfortunately the world didn't give you the best. So I hope heaven gives you more than the best princess.