I want to breath, I hate this night.
I want to wake up, I hate this dream.
I'm trapped inside of myself and I'm dead.
If I breath, will I live? If I wake up, will I stop suffering? If I set myself free, will I be reborn?
Day by day, the weight on my shoulders grows crushing. My shake breaths reverberate in my chest. Every breath I take becomes laborious, the air claws at the inside of my throat like barbed wire. Night after night, I try to hold onto a single happy thought. I'm helpless as I see the soothing memories slip out of my hands like water from a broken glass. The worry and the doubt hacks its way into my mind, cutting open and dissecting my being to reopen old wounds.
A slightly raised voice. A mildly irritated tone. It's become a greeting to my smile which once used to be called beautiful. They say that I hurt them, their wounds are bare for me to see. This is my doing, all my fault, everything gone wrong. I thought I was right only to find myself at wrong. I tried, but in vain, to be a good person for a few. All I can do is hide behind a screen, remain masked for all.
I shut all my doors, all the windows, now there's no escape, but still, I call out for someone to save me. Please, hold my hand and take me faraway from this dream. Wake me up as my sweetest daydream slowly turns into my most horrifying nightmare. My dream chapter comes to an end as the eternity of a nightmare rips its pages apart.
But I don't know what is going wrong. I have no idea about where it all went wrong. It's just an empty feeling, all my emotions are counterfeit and my laugh doesn't have it's shine. It's all the same but it's all scorching and bright, fake. There's no soothing shadow for me to rest, if I retreat further inside my mind, I'll slip into the abyss. Afterall, I've spent so much time acting happy, it almost feels like I'm happy.
