I feel numb. I don't love. I don't live. I don't laugh. I don't cry.
I don't feel.
I don't know what's happening. It feels as if I could watch a person get murdered and not shed a tear. Not because I don't feel, because my body doesn't react. My tear ducts don't let the tears flow, my mouth doesn't let out a whimper of pain, my body doesn't crumple up like paper. My mind can feel, but my body won't react.
It feels like all the emotion which was once abundant has now left without a trace, without a tear, without a laugh or a even a small smile. It's all gone, gone away to I know not where.
The fickle, exuberant expressions habe let go of my hand. But, of all my emotions, only one remains. It binds me qith iron shackles, stopping my growth. Plucking away at my feathery wings, slashing away at the bat-like membrane, the hate still remains.
A voice calls out every single day, "Ugly..... Egocentric.... Insensitive..... Narcissistic.... Useless..... A disappointment... That's what you are!"
I look up, and it's none other than my own reflection saying those things to me. Each word sending a nauseating wave of hatred rolling over me. It sends chills down my spine, my hands feel the urge to slap myself as my eyes see every single time I have been a disappointment.
Even as I sulk in my self pity, writing down these words, I curse myself for ever having said anything. But, what can be done? Afterall, I am an egocentric person who can't care about anyone.
And that's because all I know from myself is numb hate.
