Say You Love Me

Say You Love Me - Chapter 27

They say that there are seven stages of grief: shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing, and acceptance. I never really understood those until after Kip had died. I didn't understand that I could feel all of them at once or one for longer than the other. It had been almost eight months since everything had happened. I had enough money saved up to close Chapters for a few months and I took off to a cabin in northern California right after the funeral. From what I could gather, Jax had made good of his threats and Tara had left town. Even with her gone, I couldn't bear it. I couldn't stand to be in town, around anything that brought up the thought of the club. It was too much. I'd go to the grocery store, see or hear a baby cry and just break down. I was so weak, I hated that. Time and space just so happened to be what exactly I needed to put my heart back together.

I was just closing up the cabin to make my way back to my apartment in Charming when Gemma called me.

"Yes, Gemma?" I asked as I threw my bags in the trunk and got in the drivers seat.

"Baby Girl, I know this is a long shot but I figured I'd call and ask like I do every single time. There's gonna be a get together at the club house tonight, we all would like to see you. It's been too long and this is the last time I'm calling and asking. So if you say no, next time around, I'm driving my happy ass up there and dragin' you back to town anyway. So what's it gonna be sweetheart?"

I pulled my phone away from my face and just looked at it and smiled. She had no idea that I was planning on coming back this weekend anyway. Gemma threatening me was a way of her telling me that she missed me. I had planned to go back home, clear out the dust bunnies in my apartment, have a bath, read, and call it a night. I hadn't been home in so long. I had gotten a tad bit thick, in a good way. My ass definitely had grown; I hadn't been doing much of anything to my hair. It had grown, I was trying to grow it out for the wedding but I had wanted to chop it all off since I realized I would never be getting married to the son I wanted.  A trip to get something to wear and get this hair back right was needed.

"Okay Gemma, I'll be at the club house at ten. That okay with you?"

"Seriously Darlin'? I thought you'd put up more of a fight like you normally do. You commin' home to stay or just for the party?"

"Coming home for good, Gem. I needed space. I'm okay now. Gained a little bit a weight, I look a little rough, but I can finally breathe. I can smile and laugh without feeling guilty that he's not here. I can hear the roar of a motorcycle without falling into a complete mess. I'll be all right. I need to get come, clean, find something to wear and go get something done to my hair. I'll see you at the clubhouse."

"Shay, Jax and I have been keeping tabs on your place. Everything is a-okay. We rotate checking up on everything. I should warn you baby girl, you've been gone for almost nine months. I know you have been grieving and Jax does too and it's none of my business at all but this is my kid. He hasn't gotten laid since you left. No croweaters, no cara cara girls, nothing. He's been going through lotion and tissue like you wouldn't believe.."

"Eww, gross Gemma!"

"I'm telling you the truth! So if he seems like he can't keep his eyes off of you, give him a break. He's changed for the better."

"I'll try to be nice Gem, I swear. I'll see you at the party. I gotta get off this phone and on the road if I'm going to get there in time. Thanks for taking care of everything, I appreciate it."

"No problem Shay, I love you like you were my own daughter, that will never change. See ya!"

I hung up the phone and put in the cup holder before taking a deep breath. I hadn't even spoken to Jax since I left. I didn't want any more of my anger to overflow and lash out at him, regardless of how bad he might deserve it. I started my jeep, turned up Kehlani's new album and made my way back home.