Risking it All

9

Do you ever want to either wrap a person up in a hug and never let go, or run away and never see them again? Because that's what happened when I was about to go on stage at Mocha and Music. Nick sat next to me at a table in the back, we were splitting a blueberry muffin and I was drinking a decaf iced French vanilla. Nick took a sip of his hot chocolate. I made a face at him. "How can you drink something hot in the middle of June?" I asked. Nick laughed. "It takes skill," he said. That made me laugh. I shook my head. "Why are you laughing?" he asked. That made me stop. Was he being serious? "I'm not laughing because I think your stupid," I said. "I'm laughing because you're funny." A smile slowly spread across his face and a tingly feeling from my toes ran up to my face, causing me to blush.
A woman with small black glasses walked up onto the stage. "Okay," she announced. "Next up we have a duet of Mackenzie Marsh and Nick Straight." Everyone applauded as we walked onto the stage. Nick put his guitar over and played a chord, trying it out. He looked at me, eyebrows raised. I took a deep breath and looked at the crowd of people waiting to hear us sing. I nodded and Nick started playing the opening line of "Royals." Everything sounded awesome and people started clapping along as we got to the chorus. "And we'll never be royals," I sang. "Royals," Nick echoed. Together we sang, "It don't run in out blood." I could feel all the nervous energy drain out of and being replaced with excitement. Every word that and out of my mouth was from my heart. I was not just singing the song, I was part of the song.
Finally, the song was over and ended with us singing, "Let me live that fantasy." A huge round of applause ran through the audience. Some people were cheering. I was sweating from being under the lights and was out of breath, but I was happy. I looked over at Nick, who smiled at the audience and looked back at me. Without thinking, I ran over to Nick and embraced him in a friendly, happy hug. Nick didn't let go. But when I finally pulled away, I stared into his eyes. They were telling me something. They were telling me to do something. We were two inches apart from each other. Nick put his hand on the back of my head and pulled me in closer and closer until our lips were touching. He deepened the kiss as the audience cheered. But I couldn't hear it. I felt nothing, no feelings. Everything seemed to stop. My heart wasn't beating, but I was still alive. I wasn't breathing, but I was still alive. It felt like I was under water. My head's under water, but I'm breathing fine. Nick and I stood on stage kissing until finally we pulled away. Everyone clapped as Nick and I walked off stage and ran out the door of the coffee shop. He put his guitar down by the door and we ran to the back. He pulled me against the stone wall and started kissing me. We were making out in the back of a coffee shop, sweaty and out of breath. But it honestly felt awesome. Finally, he pulled away and lifted me onto his back. "You want to go on the roof again?" he whispered. I screamed with laughter as he started carrying me up the fire escape ladder. When we got to the roof, we did nothing but kiss. We got on our sides and cuddled, the slight breeze feeling like a cool refreshment as we sat on the top of the roof. When the sun set and stars started coming out, Nick broke the silence. "I wanted to do that for a long time." I gave him a look. "You've known me for three days," I said. He just smiled. "And I've wanted to do that ever since I saw you." His words made shiver in delight. He reaches across to grab my hand. His hand was dry, and had a few bumps on it, as though it were sore from playing guitar. But I loved it.
I turned my gaze to look up at the thousands of little balls of lights in the sky. I blinked and every time I shut my eyes, it seemed like more stars came into the sky. "I'm thinking of so many things right now," I said quietly. Nick turned his head towards me. "Tell me," he said. I shook my head. "Why not?" he asked. "I can't," I said. He repeated his question. How can I explain what I'm feeling right now? How everything inside me feels like it's about to explode? How can I make myself feel the way I wanted to when I was on stage kissing Nick? How do I say that?
"Because my thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations," I said, quoting John Green. Nick gave me a look as though I spoke a different language. "John Green?" I hinted. "One of the greatest authors of this century?" Nick gave me a clueless expression in return. "The fault in our stars," I said. Nick raised his eyebrows. My mouth dropped open. "You've NEVER even heard of The Fault in Our Stars?" I cried. Nick laughed at my outburst. "Why are you laughing?" I asked jokingly. "Do you think I'm stupid?" Nick got a serious look on his face. "Mackenzie, why on Earth would you think I would think your stupid?" he said. I shrugged. "I don't know," I said. "I think that some people think I am." I thought about Eliza and her friends. I wonder what the rumors about me are about now. Everyone's probably thinking I'm dead.
Nick gave me a serious look. "Mackenzie," he said. "I'm not laughing at you because I think you're stupid. I'm laughing because I love you." His words made me smile. "You know no boy has ever said that to me," I said. He reached over and pulled me into a kiss. He leaned in and whispered, "Then allow me to be the first."