The Ladies Hostel

chapter 13 :Smell of the past

Titir'POV:
The sweet sunlight came to my room as an intruder! I was not in a mood to welcome her as I could not sleep for a second even though I was closing my eyes for hours thus I felt nausious. It made me recollect a quote :
"EVERY CLOSED EYES IS NOT SLEEPING, EVERY OPENED EYES ARE NOT SEEING"

" Stop remembering irrelevant quotes, yoy stupid"- I tried to rebuke my mind and thus earned a return punishment. It started disclosing my "memory book". For your information, I always wanted to escape from one thing- that was "dark memory" of mine.
"Poor me" I really felt empathetic for myself.

Gradually I could feel the smell of my childhood incredibly. You know what Time had it's own color,own smell. I even started feeling the smell of my father's body. The same fragrance that I used to feel when I jumped into his warm lap and hugged him tight.
We did not get baba near us usually, he used to return home at pretty late night when we went to the realm of sleep already! When I was child, baba took me with him wherever he went. I thought him to be a magician who could even give me the star from the sky , if I ever wanted. Daughter's King indeed. Whenever our mom turned into an angry bird,we took shelter in our Lifesaver's back! I could not remember if he ever rebuked me and Tonmay!

When my puberty hit me, he started maintaining a authoritative distance. But sometimes I could feel baba to leave a warm peck on my forehead, but I did not move as a precaution so that I wouldn't be deprived of his warm affection. It turned to be my habit. I actually started sleeping after getting my share!

"Oh mind, dont make me feel this way, please" I begged feeling that the salty water was dropping from the mind reflector!

It did not hear me obviously. I never wanted to recall the event of his death. I could not accept that anyway. The man, who was full of life, who promised to be always with us, who told us to be his resource when he would get old and......and what not, how could he leave us like that.
I was returning from the school and saw the large crowd. I was trying to know what happened and my curious eyes found my Superhero under the white sheet. LIFELESS.

"Nooooooo, please.Please stop. No more scene. I can't tolerate. Please let him be that lively King in my mind. Please-I hiccupped.

" what's wrong, Titir?"-Preeya asked struggling to have a sound sleep.

"Nothing"-I hide my face between two pillows.

Whenever I think about baba, I lost my praiseworthy controlling power. Oneday,my friend Tribeni showed me a gift which she had made herself for her father. I could feel my heart was wrenching as I did not see the face of him for 26 months already then.

Now, Adil's face was portraying!" Wow-as if I didn't get hurt enough, i needed more. Well,keep entertaining me, sadistic mind".

As you know, he came there after my father had left us. Peole around me knew that I was a book worm. Whenever he met me, he gave me books! Did not matter whether it was a fresh copy, or old-torn book, book from his home, even the book he had stolen for me!!

And yes-letter in-between the book pages which had his horrible hand writing in it. He was of such type that our parents would not be happy to know about. He did not have the passion for the academics at all. But he was a sportsman. A very qualified one.His passion was cricket and he used to read Humayun Ahmed and only Humayun Ahmed. None else.

I loved the way he disclosed him through the letters. I wonder how did he write his mind so vividly?! He kept telling interesting facts about him and left some inquiaries there for me. I did not have any Phone to contact with him back then. So, I used to reply him in the back of the letter he send me in the same book.

The teenager girl could not even understand that if it was love, friendship or infatuation!

It was not that era when people used to continued their love through letters.
But If you think love was between us then it was actually in this way.

He used to wait for me after school or coaching.We did not talk more than hi/hello face to face. All we could know about each other throuh letters. Getting letters from him everyday had become my habit, I guess!We talked about some random and weird things. We had imaginary place,vimaginary people, imaginary words, wealth, palace!
Thats what we usually talked about like a partner.

Childish??But you know, thats what made me feel great those days! It gave me the feelings of being loved.

Oneday, I went to my friend's place to get my notebook back. The sun was about to set. When I got back to my home, I saw my mom standing infront of my reading desk having a book of Humayun in her hand.
Yes, some unanswered letters were all there.With this crimoson red eyes she looked defeated, loser and all broken.
"Maaa,I... "I tried to say her something real.
" If I have to lose my trust on you, I better die"saying this in an ice cold voice she herself fainted.

She did not rebuke me, did not mention his name, did not ask anything about us. She NEVER did.

But I could not take book from Adil anymore. I know, it was a shock for him as out of no where I stopped talking to him.
I did not even spare a glance to him after that incident.

You might find me Selfish, but I know, I had no other option to make my mom live. She was struggling all alone to bring us up.

Who knows what Adil had understood. He stopped trying to send book, letters to me. Initially, I could not accept that I had lost "our days", we would not make our imaginary world anylonger. But gradually time had made me accept.

I saw Adil for the last time the day in the bus stand suddenly when I was gonna tell my tiny town goodbye for higher studies. I still wonder how he got the news of my departure. He came in front of me after years and told me no word.

I could not bear the stress anymore.Understanding that, he left the place at once and I board on the bus.

I felt the sorrows of the whole world were all mine. I could feel the salty taste of undescribable pain.

The bus started its journey suppressing the sound of my sob. I started the new journey of my life leaving all " my people" there.

Author's note: Quite a long chapter and quite interesting too.
Hope,you've enjoyed.

Baba-Father
Ma-mom