The Ladies Hostel

chapter 20:Lifebook

Titir's POV:
"Hey beauty, stop thinking about your lover 24/7! Go sleep"- finding me to look at the boring wall right back to my reading desk without even blinking, Preeya thought I was thinking about Navan and told me the lines where I found something near " mock" in her voice.
"I was testing Whether I can recollect the chapters" -turning the next page of the book I lied.

-"Enough of your reading. Turn the light off now.I am so exhausted "- she replied after a short yawn and probably called Anas as usual sitting on her bed touching her back to the unsmooth wall. She was really busy nowadays with her studies and Online businesses as well. So her exhaustion was valid,I guessed. So I followed her instruction and closed my books.

Now there was no light in my room except for the sodium light from the lamppost. It was somehow intensing my thought which was there in my mind the whole day that "Life is nothing but an illusion".

Then Preeya opened her laptop to make her eyes tired to the fullest and started reading the last few pages of " All quite on the western front"there, which I had suggested her recently.

"Why does he have to die,why?"-Preeya, not being herself asked me sobbing  impatiently as if it was me who had made the tragic storyline!

-Don't cry. I am going to call Remarque  why he had written this on purpose to make you cry"-I sarcastically said to make her laugh. But it did not work accurately.But honestly tears were not dropping from her one eye anymore but She got a runny nose already.
Her heart was aching so deeply for the young adult paul bomer that she literally wiped her nose on her side pillow!

You know what I instantly felt envious of her since I could not cry reading some tragic stories as my exam was yet to be over. Obviously I did not forget to curse my exam this time!

"Now sleep Titir.You have to wake up very early in the morning and complete your syllabus"- I told myself in an inaudible voice. But my system did not response accordingly.
Actually, I was feeling like I had turned into an Insomniac as I could not literally sleep without meeting the New sun of the fresh morning!It was not something I welcomed deep down.I always tried to lead a disciplined life where there would be no chance for anyone to tell me "a stitch in time saves nine'!

I started feeling from the time I went to my home that anything was not in my hand anymore.Does not make any sense,hmm?
Then let me describe you. Like now I was trying to sleep as I had to rise very early in the morning to take preparation for my last exam.But my stupid mind was triggering me to start writing a diary heading " Lifebook" right on like it was so necessary for my survival!!

Such things had started very recently, I meant losing the power of  my self control-which I was very worried about.Somedays before I felt like Navan was Somehow responsible for it. I know-it sounded rude, but to be honest from the day after we sang together, his adorable face was always infront of my eyes even when I went to my home to meet my sick grani! I could not erase his presence from my mind anyhow. So creepy, I know dear, but I just could not resist it. Moreover, it was not his clear image, just an obscure frame!! Like what I could mostly  remember about him was his beautiful curly hair,big brown eyes carefully protected under a spectacle and a 5'10" frame and that's really all. I had started finding him in everything around me. Suppose, I was reading "Himu" by Humayun, Navan became the image of him or if I was lazily  reading "Shesher kabita" by Tagore- Navan turned to be the ultimate "Amit". I gave up reading books back in my home when I saw I was even portraying him as " Romeo"while reading Shakespeare! I was really feeling embarrassed that day when I mistook my younger brother's home tutor as Navan while Serving him Snacks! But still I was in a fix whether it was love or not!