why me?

IX

Jimin held Namjoon’s hand as the latter whined, trying to move away from Seokjin’s hands. The eldest huffed. “Stay still and let me inspect it, dummy”, he said as he gently pulled Namjoon’s head back. 

“It’s just a small bruise, it should go away within a few days”, Seokjin said as he finished his check-up. He cooed softly as he saw the pout on Namjoon’s face and smiled. “It’ll be okay you big baby, let’s get you some tea.”

Namjoon nodded and sat down at the kitchen table, sighing softly. “I wonder what is going on with Taehyung… I thought everything would be okay again, now that Jungkook is back.”

Seokjin placed a steaming mug in front of him. “Well, first of all, we need to gain Jungkook’s trust again. We were assholes, there’s no going around that. We need to prove that we’re worth his trust and love”, Seokjin smiled, though it didn’t fully reach his eyes. 

Namjoon carefully hugged him and nodded. He too knew what he had done wrong. He felt so stupid for not stopping the others from saying and doing stupid stuff, he felt so stupid for not checking in on Jungkook sooner. He felt so stupid for failing the one who looked up to him the most.

Namjoon didn’t notice the tears filling his eyes until Seokjin gently pulled away. “Your eyes are glassy Namjoon. Tell me what’s wrong”, he smiled softly. 

Namjoon shook his head. “They’re not…”, he mumbled softly, though his eyes betrayed him as a single tear slid down his cheeks. Seokjin sighed softly and wiped it away. “Oh Namjoonie, it’s okay. Tell hyung what’s wrong.”

Namjoon rubbed his eyes and furiously blinked. “Nothing, I… I’m frustrated and mad at myself for failing Jungkook.”, Namjoon sighed. He felt like a rock had been lifted off his shoulder, even though the sad feeling in his chest didn’t go away completely. 

“It’s okay Namjoon, we all did things wrong. We can’t change the past, but we can change the future”, Seokjin softly said to him, caressing his cheek. 

Namjoon nodded and sniffled a few times. “You’re right hyung. Thanks.”

Seokjin smiled softly. “No problem Joonie. Now go cuddle with Jimin, he looks like he needs a hug”, Seokjin gestured to the smaller boy, whose shoulders were sagged as he pouted. Namjoon nodded and pulled Jimin to the couch.

—

Jungkook giggled softly as he played with Taehyung, the carpet underneath him feeling soft. He smiled as Taehyung happily rolled a ball towards him, clapping his hands together with a squeal as the ball bumped into Jungkook’s foot. 

The youngest chuckled and pushed the ball back, smiling as Taehyung crawled after it. He looked up as he heard a knock on the door. 

“Come in”, he said, his eyes still on the little to make sure he wouldn’t accidentally hurt himself. 

Yoongi stepped in with a smile. “I heard his giggles, did you have a talk with him?”, he cooed as Taehyung tried to hide behind a chair. Jungkook nodded and got up, walking over. 

“Taetae, it’s just Yoongie hyung. He’s nice”, he smiled as he held out his hand. Taehyung pouted but took the hand anyway, trying to hide behind Jungkook as he clung onto his entire arm.

Jungkook laughed and lifted the boy up, walking back towards Yoongi. The elder cooed and waved. “Hi Tae, how are you?”, he smiled and stayed where he was, not wanting to overwhelm the boy. 

Taehyung timidly looked up, opening his mouth, yet no words came out. He frustratingly whined, small tears already filling his eyes. 

Yoongi cooed softly. “Tae, are you too little to use your words?”, he asked, his voice soothingly soft. The little boy nodded with a whimper, sniffling softly as he looked down. 

Yoongi gently moved towards them and made Taehyung look up. “Tae, it’s fine. Hyungie understands, I’m a little too!”

Yoongi chuckled at the soft gasp Taehyung let out, cooing as the boy looked up with stars in his eyes. 

Jungkook watched them and nodded. “And so is Kookie, we’re all littles! We’re the little club!”, he giggled happily, though he quickly made sure he wouldn’t accidentally slip.

Taehyung giggled happily and snuggled closer to Yoongi, babbling nonsense. The boy happily pointed at things, making Yoongi hum in approval no matter what he did. 

Jungkook watched the endearing scene with a small smile, happy that Taehyung was having fun. Still, he couldn’t shake off the empty feeling that kept creeping up on him. He wanted to trust them like that as well. He wanted to be their baby as well. 

“Jungkook, are you okay?”, Yoongi’s voice interrupted Jungkook’s thinking. The boy blinked and looked up, confusion evident in his eyes, but he hid it with a smile. “Yeah, just tired hyung.”

Yoongi huffed, his eyes narrowing as he didn’t fully believe the boy. He didn’t say anything however, opting to just keep an eye on him. That plan soon changed as Taehyung reached out to the abandoned ball on the floor, wanting to play with Yoongi.

Jungkook once again just watched, the lonely feeling growing. His throat felt tight and his head felt heavy. He tried to swallow, his tongue as dry as sandpaper. It did nothing to help the suffocating feeling in his throat and chest. 

Jungkook heard the voices in his head becoming stronger and louder, throwing mean comments to him. How he was not their baby, how he would never be. How he was still the same fuck up as he had been before.

Jungkook closed his eyes as he tried to calm himself down, the voices in his head screaming more and more for attention, making Jungkook go crazy. He tried to cry out for help, though a soundless whine was all that came out.

He stood up, swaying on his feet as he tried to orientate himself. He stumbled towards the door before making a beeline to his own room, not responding to Yoongi’s surprised yells.

Jungkook somehow remembered to send him a text, saying that he needed time before he completely broke down. Hot tears streamed down his face as he curled up in a ball, his hands shaking as he called Baekhyun.

Jungkook couldn’t help but let out a dry laugh at the irony of the situation, being reminded of the night he had done the same thing and left. He sobbed quietly as he heard the phone go over, again and again, the sharp sound echoing in his head. 

“Jungkook? What’s wrong?”

The boy sobbed loudly. “D-didn’t mean to, didn’t mean to!” he repeated over and over again, Baekhyun interrupting him softly. “What’s going on, we can fix this Kookie. Just tell hyung what’s wrong.”

Jungkook didn’t even notice he slipped, too desperate for comfort. “Kookie scawed of meanies, they hewe. No mean to swip, Kookie scawed!"