why me?

XII

Jungkook hummed along with the music playing in his ears, his hands tapping his legs on the beat of the funky melody. He didn't care if anyone stared at him, today was his day and no one could ruin it.

Jungkook sat down on an empty seat on the bus, on the way to his therapist. He had made an agreement with Sejin to go at least once every two weeks, to see if it would work for him. The youngest had been a bit skeptical about it at first but after a lot of talking and a promise of ice cream he had agreed to try it out. Don't judge him, he was weak for ice cream.

Jungkook stared out of the window as the vehicle moved through the busy streets of Seoul, the world outside a distinct blur. Jungkook focused on the music coming from his earphones, killing some time by playing a game on his phone.

Once the bus stopped he got up, thanking the bus driver with a big smile before he got off and got pulled along in the mass of people on the sidewalk. He chuckled softly, not minding as he headed straight to where he needed to be.

The building looked big and modern from the outside, giving off a cold and professional aura. Jungkook was however pleased when he stepped inside, greeted by a cozy warmth.

He made his way to the front desk, receiving directions and instructions to wait from the young man sitting there. Jungkook nodded and thanked him before he made his way over to the waiting room, sitting down on a comfortable red chair.

A few minutes later a young woman stepped out of one of the rooms attached to the waiting room. Her sleek, black hair was tied into a bun, though a few strands of hair fell down the sides of her face. She looked down on a paper before looking around the area.

"Jeon Jungkook?"

Her eyes met his as Jungkook got up, smiling at her and shaking her hand.

"Nice to meet you, sir, my name is doctor Lee, and I'll be your therapist. We spoke during the initial phone call", she smiled and held the door open for Jungkook. The boy nodded with a smile and stepped inside the room, looking around.

The room had a modern, yet homey design. The desk against the wall was filled with papers and other stuff, while the couch on the other side of the room was decorated with a few pillows and a blanket. It made Jungkook relax slightly.

Doctor Lee closed the door behind the boy and grabbed his files. "You can sit down on one of the chairs or the couch, whatever makes you comfortable", she said as she grabbed a cup of water for both of them.

Jungkook gratefully took the drink and quietly sat down on the couch, his cup on the small table in front of him and his hands folded on his lap. His happy, if not confident mood from that morning had slowly melted into nervousness and an anxious buzzing in his chest, though he assured himself that it was okay.

Doctor Lee seemed to notice his troubles and smiled. "What can I call you? What are you comfortable with?", her voice filled the room, cutting through the tense silence that had been building up. Jungkook blinked, a bit startled before he chuckled nervously.

"You can call me Jungkook", he answered softly, earning a nod from the woman across him.

"So, Jungkook-ssi, you consulted your doctor about your symptoms about 2 weeks ago, right? He then sent you to our office. Luckily we had a spot open and were able to place you in the system within a week", she summarised, her eyes going over the words on the paper in her hands.

"Is this your first time having therapy?", Doctor Lee looked up, making Jungkook shrink in on himself.

"Y-yes ma'am, I-I mean Lee, I m-mean doctor!" Jung kook's face flushed red as doctor Lee chuckled. "It's okay Jungkook-ssi, I can see that you're nervous. Don worry, you can call me doctor Lee or Young-Soon, if you'd like. I don't mind."

Jungkook nodded, staring at his cup of water and doctor Lee turned the page of the report.

"Since this is your first time, let's run over the process hm?", She waited until she got a nod from the boy before she continued.

"I have your medical history here, as well as the report your doctor wrote after you consulted him. I'll ask you questions about what you told him, about what you'll tell me, and of course, I'm here to listen to you. I'm here to guide you to be able to understand yourself and your thought better."

"U-Uhm, can I ask a question?", Jungkook shyly interrupted her. Doctor Lee smiled and nodded, taking a sip from her drink.

"What if I sound stupid?", Jungkook regretted the question as soon as the words left his mouth. He prepared himself for yelling, or worse, laughing.

Doctor Lee put her cup down. "Jungkook-ssi, I am here to help you. I will not judge you in any way, nor will I share anything that you tell me in this room unless it's life-threatening. Don't worry about sounding stupid, as long as you're honest with me nothing will make me think you're sounding stupid", Doctor Lee's voice was kind yet firm, as if to make her statement clear.

Jungkook, still unsure but a bit assured, nodded and downed his water in one go.

Doctor Lee grabbed a note pad and a pen before setting her dark brown eyes on Jungkook.

"So, tell me about your symptoms."

—

"Our next appointment is in 2 weeks. Feel free to call the office if you want to reschedule it, or call my personal number if you need an online session", doctor Lee smiled as she guided the boy to the door. Jungkook happily nodded, thanking her and bowing his head before he left the office.

He felt surprisingly light. He was happy with how it went, how he had been able to freely talk about his thoughts without feeling guilty or even worse than before.

He still had a long way to go, maybe he would be able to let go of his worrying thoughts. Maybe he would be able to let go of the past that haunted him during his darkest moments.

Maybe he would find a way to love himself and trust those around him again.