I'm Coming Home

No more I love you's

Cassandra

I remember that feeling, the feeling of loneliness and disappointment. The first time it was ever this prominent in my life was when I finished unpacking my apartment. I realized just how alone I was. Most people at that point in life had friends they could share an apartment with and hang out with at school, whenever I went on Facebook everyone had someone but all I had was my cat.

My...actually now after knowing what I know, I didn't know what to call him, was back home. My best friend and I were arguing more than talking and now I lived in a new city. New province. Today, even though I'm home, and I have friends here in town, I feel as though I have nobody. My sister won't answer my calls, Wyatt's...with her. Emily and I aren't exactly on the same page and looking at the way things are, I don't think we'll ever be.

I just wanted to feel happy again and for a long time I believed he could help that, but seeing him with her, and her looking at him as if he put the stars in the sky, I realized my need to be happy shouldn't stem from him. I needed to make myself happy whether or not he was in my life. Looking at things now, it was pretty clear he wouldn't be part of my life much longer.

Curling up on my side, I shut my eyes, for the first time since I came home, I shed a tear. My stomach hurt, my eyes stung and my shoulders slumped as I let the tears just fall. I clasped a hand over my mouth to muffle my sobs but even then, I'm sure that my neighbours could hear me.

"I don't get why you do that Cass. I get that he's my brother and I know that you love him but what he's doing to you...you don't deserve it." He reached out to touch me, but I couldn't let him. I stepped back, scared that if he did, I would break.

"But I..." I was standing outside one of Caleb's house parties trying my best to console myself after watching my boyfriend making out with some sophomore.

"Don't say it Cass," He whispered and that's when I knew.

"Don't you say it Wyatt." He didn't take my warning, he just stepped forward, invading my personal space, not caring that I tried my best to keep him at an arms length.

"He doesn't deserve you Cass. I've watching him hurt you time and time again. I hate that you stay, and don't you dare tell me it's because you love him," I wanted to say that wasn't the truth. That I didn't love him but I couldn't bring myself to do so. "You need someone who respects you and genuinely loves you. Like me."

Just like that, everything changed. I couldn't do it anymore either. "He's your brother."

"I don't care..." He stepped forward again and this time I wasn't compelled to step backwards. I wasn't going to say it back, I couldn't. "I love you," He whispered the words so quietly that I wasn't sure I had heard them. Then his lips connected with mine and I realized I did hear him. I didn't push him back, and I didn't try and stop it. I kissed him back, for the first time enjoying being wanted and not just some arm candy.

So much has changed, and I didn't know what to do. I knew I wanted him, that was never a question. Except what I wanted didn't involve fighting my ex-best friend. I just wanted to be wanted the way he wanted me in high school, the way he wanted me without a second thought.

Wyatt

I shouldn't be here, but I couldn't stop myself. I stayed away for three whole days, in hopes that maybe she would seek me out. When she didn't, I thought showing up at her place of work would help but she refused to take a break from her work, and I didn't fault her for it. She was focused and honestly it was one of the things that attracted me to her, but right now I needed her to at least look at me. She refused to, I borderline stalked her to her car and even when I called after her, she just ignored me.