Short Stories

Vampire Landlord

Based on the above prompt | 1693 Words | No TWs

You think your hallmates are bad? Try living down the hall from a dragon.

Well, half dragon technically. There's not much difference in the end. She can still take the form of a dragon whenever she pleases, she's just a lot smaller than most other dragons. Don't ever bring it up to her, though. I doubt she would have much issue with flaying anyone who insults her size.

Back to the point. I live in the [redacted in editing for privacy] apartment complex, and I can guarantee my hallmates are weirder than yours. Playing metal music at three in the morning is child's play compared to what I have to deal with. In today's blog post, I thought it might be fun to complain about my less-than-normal hallmates and rank them out of ten for your entertainment.

I'll start at the end of the hall. A kind, older lady lives there. She's nice to chat with. One of her hobbies is baking and, since she lives alone, she always has extra goodies. Her double fudge brownies are kind of legendary in the building. Everyone tries to get her to spill the recipe, but she won't tell. I think she'll end up taking the details to her grave. A damn shame, honestly. (That is, if she can die).

The only downfall to living near sweet old Mrs. D is when her son and grandchild come to visit, otherwise known as Satan himself and the princette of hell.

Wow, you must be thinking, are they really all that bad? You probably think I'm making an analogy. No, I'm dead serious. Mrs. D's son is Satan.

Do not ask me how and do not ask me how old she is, because I don't know. I don't think I want to know.

The entire building feels heavier when the two visit. Like the crushing weight of my feeble mortality is weighing upon the building, threatening to make it collapse. Oh, and don't get me started on the fires! Thankfully, there haven't been any full-blown blazes yet, but the amount of times Lord Satan has accidentally started a bonfire in the elevator is ridiculous! Elevators make me anxious, so I don't mind as much since I normally take the stairs, but I bet the higher floors hate us.

The other tenants all worked out a deal with Mrs. D long before I started living here to avoid major accidents. In the mornings before her family is set to visit, she sets a red piece of paper outside each of the doors in our hallway as a warning so we can get our fire extinguishers ready. I think the landlord has the local fire department on speed dial anyway.

Overall, 9/10. I really wish she would relinquish the fudge brownie recipe, but she makes them upon request so it's not all bad.

Next to Mrs. D's is my least favorite hallmate, Carey. Carey is some sort of nature spirit as far as I'm aware. She doesn't like talking about it, so none of us in the building know much, but she has similar tendencies to corvids. You cannot drop any shiny things in the building. She will take them. Then, she'll play dumb about having so much as seen them. I dropped my room key in the hallway my first week here and I am ninety percent sure she took it. I never got that key back, nor will I ever. Besides that, Carey isn't that bad. She keeps to herself most of the time and her fiancé, Kay, is really nice. They're moving in together soon. So far, I can't tell if Kay is a magical being or a human like me. She seems "normal" enough, but we're all on pretty good terms with her regardless. I think most of us are a little biased, though. Her first few times showing up to visit Carey, she brought homemade candies for the hall. Mrs. D loves her. I think they talked about crocheting and cooking for two hours straight last week. Although, I think Mrs. D is secretly after Kay's candy recipe.

Oh, but here's a really sweet story about Carey. I was having a truly awful day a while ago and ended up crying in the laundry room. Carey walked in on me, left, came back five minutes later and gave me a necklace with soda can tabs on it to try and cheer me up. I keep it on my bookshelf with some other trinkets and wear it every now and again.

I give her a 4/10; wish she would give back some of the things she picks up, but at least she's kind at heart.

Across from Carey is, as mentioned, the half dragon. Kiara can swap between looking like a normal human (with golden eyes, mind you) and a dragon. In her dragon form she's about the size of a large wolf. That's pretty small for a dragon and she's very sensitive about it. The last tenant who made fun of her for it mysteriously moved out within a week of living here. The rest of us are smart enough and respectful enough to not bring it up. Kiara can come off abrasive (she'll tell you the truth no matter what), but she's very kind. Everyone knows that if they need an open ear, they can go to Kiara. She will not only listen and provide ice cream but will also half-jokingly offer to beat someone up if they hurt you. Kiara and Carey get along well. They mainly bond over their stashes of shiny things. Kiara's apartment is one big dragon's hoard. There's clutter everywhere, with no visible organizational system. My only complaint about her is that every few months she'll go through her hoard to root out objects that no longer interest her. During the week or so that she's rifling through everything, the clutter spills out into the hallway for everyone to trip over. She's also our second biggest fire hazard. Dragon breath and all that. I think the only time she's caused a fire was a couple years ago, before I moved in.

Also, she gives really great hugs. You'd think she would hug too hard by looking at her (seriously muscly and about six foot one), but she holds back just enough to make me feel like I'm in a flesh cocoon. That sounds creepy, but it's really great.

She gets a 6/10; would be a 7/10, but she said my outfit made me look like a twelve-year-old boy one time, so she gets a deduction.

Next to Kiara's is Madam Lorey, a witch. Remember when I mentioned metal music at 3 AM? Well, have you ever been awoken by an entire coven chanting spells? No? Thought not.

Madam Lorey lives by herself, but her coven is always coming and going. She gets into a lot of fights with Carey. It's the same pattern every time. Madam Lorey will drop an important pendant, sachet of crystals, or some other pretty, shiny magic tool in the hallway. Kiara or Carey will snatch it up. When Kiara has it, it'll take maybe five minutes of civil discussion to get the item back. Kiara is always reluctant to give up any of her finds, but it gets returned easily enough. However, when Carey has it, it can lead to thirty minutes of very loud arguing. This arguing can continue daily for up to a week until Carey finally relinquishes her new shiny. These instances are the only times Carey gives anything back. One time, it got to the point where Madam Lorey hexed Carey for not returning something. The landlord had to get involved on that one.

I don't have many other stories about Madam Lorey. The only times I see her are just in passing in the laundry room or on the stairwell. She gives unsolicited comments on peoples' makeup sometimes, but it's always tips on how to do better so it's not that bad.

Overall rating of 5/10; she's not that bad but not great either and gets an extra point for the one time she gave me some killer tips on how to do eyeliner.

Last, but not least, there's our landlord, Alastor. He's just about the friendliest vampire you'll ever meet. He's always understanding about late rent, checks in on all of the tenants, and solves problems as quickly as he can. I really don't have any complaints about the guy. The one weird thing is his alternate option for rent. Instead of monetary compensation, he allows tenants to pay in blood.

Yes, you read that right. Blood. He has a whole room behind the counter in the lobby for blood extraction. It's really not that much different from getting your blood drawn for donation. Everything is sanitized properly, he has the right equipment, and he never takes much. Being a broke college student, I, of course, went with the blood option.

Another thing about Alastor, I'm pretty sure he's crushing on Satan's kid, Morgen. He always seems to make a point of bringing Mrs. D's mail up for her or returning a cookie platter when Satan and Morgen are visiting. One time, when he was returning an empty brownie container while Morgen was over, I watched him stand in front of the door and fidget with his hair for a solid minute before knocking. I wish I knew what was happening there, but Alastor refuses to talk to me about it. Which is fair. We're not quite friends. Although, the man has drunk my blood before. You'd think that would give me brownie points. In any case, I hope he gets the gumballs to talk to Morgen soon. I think they would make a cute couple. Maybe I'll make another blog post for you when one of them makes a move. Would you folks like that?

Alastor gets a 9/10 for being a great guy, but a one point deduction because I saw him wearing Crocs once.

And with that, that's all for this post. Let me know if you want some extra stories from my apartment complex!