You told me I was beautiful.
You told me I was all you need and more.
You told me I was perfect,
From my curly hair to my chocolate eyes
to the way that my lips and tongue formed words that intoxicate you
and formed sentences that sent me further down into commitment
Commitment to the guilt that I'd grown accustom to,
Commitment to the feeling that I thought I wasn't supposed to outgrow-
But you did.
So now I sit and look at the wounds you made with your touch
It hurts when I think of the needled vines you wrapped around me
Around my neck like a noose as I called out your name
It suffocated me with the pressure to be perfect
ever since the day you decided I wasn't and left
No matter how many apologies you utter,
Or how many times you say you wish you never said goodbye
The pain of the departure will always stay with me,
And the damage you did to my purple dyed skin will always remain in scars
But I somehow a part of me still doesn't want them to fade
So as I am here and I gaze at the marks left upon me,
I bandage them up for an hour to let myself feel free without them
As my left and right brain that are split in two decide wether or not I want to continue the cycle in hopes of something newer
I stare down at the body you touched but never truly felt
And I can't help but feel comforted and disgusted by the idea that I trusted you with it
But no matter, I hated it anyways
And for the small amount of time you did, you made me feel safe
I felt safe in the shackles that held my heart to a spiked wall
I invited it
And for another time which I wish could say was the last,
I look back at all the times we laughed together
And my brain shuts off and I do not wonder anymore
I invited your touch, the stinging of the vines that healed me
And I still wish for the painful touch, all the same,
No matter who in the end takes the blame
