What Does It Mean To Be Free?

Chapter 8 - The Gigantic Temptation

            Now will be revealed about something that I have struggled a lot with in college recently, and how this does pertain to the idea of being free.

            When I am in college, I usually am very busy with going to class, running, reading chapters in academic books for the classes that I am enrolled in and will take, studying for quizzes, exams, midterms, and finals, eating breakfast, lunch, dinner, and showering and shaving. When I was in my first semester of my junior year, which was during the spring 2016 semester, probably due to me constantly doing a routine and essentially being in a rut for not only that semester but also in all of the previous semesters as well, a temptation has crossed my mind that deals with me dropping out of school and doing something that I know that I would forever be completely ashamed of if I ever did go through the temptation. I consider that the reason why the horrible desire came up when it did is because of how long of a time that I have been in college and that nearly every day of each weekday during the academic school years that I have been through I have essentially done the same boring tasks over and over again. The completely awful desire has many terrible consequences and I know that it is the devil who is trying to get me to fall into this sin. The way that I know that is because of how the devil's main aim is to essentially ruin a person's life. Just like with the massive temptation that I am facing, the devil wants to at first make me think that doing that lure will make my life a lot more fun. But then, I would imagine that if I ever do fall into the enticement, that the devil would then shame me and make me feel bad for what I had done. I am absolutely depending upon God for help in aiding me in battling this sin, and I know that without Him, I would just immediately go into the temptation. This tantalization may seem weird at first, but I think that, along with what I said about how I always have a routine that I do during the time that I have been in college so far, another factor that may play into why I have this temptation is because I used to wear a Morphsuit and tights.

            If I were to actually do the tantalization, it would require me to drop out of school completely, to go live with a rich aunt that is on my dad's side, and to be a ballerina while living at the affluent aunt's house. Doing this would cause a tremendously huge divide in my relationship with my mom, my sister, and also with my dad. All of them would lose most if not all of their trust in me as a person, they would yell at me enormously and they would say something along the lines of, "I can't believe that you are doing this!!!!!" This would be said in a very loud, angry, and upset voice by my sister, my dad, and my mom. The bottom line is that my mom, my sister, and my dad would disown me and my life would be completely over. The ways in which the devil is trying to get me to go into this fascination is by telling me that, "Oh Russell, being a ballerina would be fun considering you have already worn tights before. Plus, you will be free from having to worry about school and won't have to worry at all anymore. If you go down this path, all that you would have to do is be silly in tights". Completely and utterly with God's help, I hope that I never ever believe in those lies that the devil is telling me. There is one idea that is still yet another part of why I may be tempted in this way, and that deals with the notion of me being exhausted from going to college.

            Similar to what I hinted at earlier, when I am at California State University at Fullerton and an academic semester is in session, I go and have gone about my day very methodically ever since I have been enrolled at that school. Even though I have done so in all of my semesters at Cal State Fullerton, I even more so, during the spring semester of 2016, told my mom about how tired I was of going to school. During that semester I kept on complaining essentially non-stop that I don't like school and that I am very weary about continuing in going to Cal State Fullerton. Amazingly, and I totally thank my mom for doing this, she would unconditionally and consistently keep encouraging me on a daily basis. My mom has been such a positively bright family member in my life that I know without question that I could never repay her for everything that she has done for me. Also, if I were to ever trade the life that I have now, which is so inexplicably awesome, just to become entangled in the untruthful sayings of the devil, I would be throwing my life away. I never ever want to do that because I know for an absolute fact that God has given me everything that I could ever possibly want and need. This allurement is certainly conjoined with the concept of being free.

            If I were to go through with this temptation, I would be going in the exact opposite direction of being free. Not only would I be, in an instant, tearing down my relationships with my sister, my mom, and my dad, but I would also have of erased all of the moral values that I have maintained and I would also be turning my back on God. All of these consequences are atrocious. First of all, I would never ever desire to run away from not only God but also my family. I know that I can't ever do this life alone and I absolutely know that I need God to be right by my side. Also, it is essential for me that my family has my back. The major point here is to recognize that one is already living the life that he or she desires. The life that one dreams about is already being lived. There are items or events in which one secretly longs to obtain that is not even close to what is best for him or her. That is just like this temptation because, although it is very huge, I know will lead me down a path in which I don't ever want to venture down. I am already living the life that I have always wanted. Another way to say the point is to talk about not taking what one has in his or her life for granted. I pray to God that He will continually assist me in battling the gargantuan enticement.