What Does It Mean To Be Free?

Chapter 1 - The Morphsuit/My Skydiving Dream

            This first story is of when I was a sophomore in high school and dealt with me dressing up for Halloween. In high school, I was a kid who was smart and intelligent, but didn't quite have enough times where I had a fun, exciting day, especially at school. But, when I recognized that Halloween had fallen on a Monday, and on Mondays school started late, and this meant that my mom wouldn't be able to drive me to school because my school day began at a later time than when my mom had to go to work. At that time, I was hooked on something that is known as a Morphsuit. Basically, a Morphsuit is a full-body, brightly colored spandex/lycra suit that makes anyone stand out from the crowd and gain loads more attention than normal. So, since it was Halloween, I decided to wear a blue Morphsuit to school that I had that my mom didn't know about. I put on the costume, and as I was leaving the house to walk to school in my blue Morphsuit, I realized that my heart started to race, and my heart also beat faster and faster, because I knew that I was wearing something that people don't usually wear on an average day. I started walking up the hill to school, and a person passing by on the street told me that I was wearing a nice suit. I said thanks and from that moment on, I knew that the day that was ahead of me was indeed going to be epic. In the end, I was certainly correct about that statement as I had a super fun day at school while I was wearing my blue suit. When I walked around the high school in that suit, because it was so skin-tight, I didn't notice at all or care at all about what people thought of me for wearing that blue suit. But, this fun came at a huge, gigantic cost because when my mom got home, she said that she was so disappointed in me for going to school with the blue Morphsuit on. At first, I disagreed with her because I thought that the Morphsuit helped me to be a lot more carefree, and it aided me in letting go of my worries. The reason why I thought this goes back to the idea of the Morphsuit being tight, almost as if the tightness helps me not to overthink, which I do a lot of. But then, a few months later, I did come to my senses and I gave my mom the blue Morphsuit that I had. This was shocking to my mom, as, just like what was stated above, she knew that I was addicted to putting on the blue suit.

           At first, when I liked the Morphsuit a lot, I thought to myself that this suit cuts off my thinking so that I can just be myself without worrying about what other people think and from that, this suit also helps me to care less about what other people think. That thought was then, when I was still just a sophomore in high school. I basically thought that the Morphsuit could solve all of my anxiety, and my worries. But my views were way beyond skewed. When the event transpired of my mom being upset at me for wearing the Morphsuit to school without her permission, I thought, maybe this isn't right of me to don the suit. As time passed, I also thought to myself that donning the suit doesn't help me in any way shape or form because it just serves as a cutoff from the real world. Maybe there are other ways that are so much better than putting on a costume as relief from the world. Now, after my first year of college, I do certainly know that there are other activities that are a lot better than putting on that horrible Morphsuit.

           My mind realizes other desires that go much deeper than something as superficial as putting on a costume. For example, as of now, my main want is to go skydiving. What I didn't realize that I was doing when I would don the blue suit was that I was trying to escape the harsh realities of the real world. That isn't the way at all to go about being free because that way only serves as a temporary way of being free, and the magic comes off when I take the suit off. I learned that one of the countless ways that one gets to the state of being truly free is that one needs to stop trying to go off into one's own fantasy world, and must face the world and find within the world, something that he or she longs to achieve or accomplish one day. This would be the same concept as my skydiving desire as I have had that wish for more than four years, but sometimes I am tempted to go back to the suit as that means instant gratification. But, with that, I still have to tell myself that the other want, my skydiving want, should be light years ahead of my desire to don a Morphsuit, in terms of how badly do I want it to come true. I also have to remind myself that skydiving is an activity that will help me not only to become even freer than I currently am, but also to help me in other aspects of my life, which is something that the Morphsuit cannot ever do. I am certainly glad that now my skydiving want has completely overpowered my desire to wear a Morphsuit. That experience with the Morphsuit taught me some valuable lessons about what it means to be truly free. Now for a little tangent on my skydiving dream, which also happened in high school, and what it would mean to me if that dream of mine ever came to fruition.

           Ironically, my skydiving dream was created in my sophomore year of high school as well. How this dream came to be is that I remember, during the summer between my freshman and sophomore years of high school, I saw on the television a show called Bert the Conqueror. In the specific episode I watched, one of the insane feats that Bert was able to accomplish was going on a ride called Sky Jump, which entails jumping off of the top of the Stratosphere in Las Vegas, with the only protection being a harness which was attached to a cord. At first, my mind was focused on defeating Sky Jump and then going and conquering outdoor skydiving. But, something clicked in my brain and made me ultimately realize that it would be better, for some bizarre reason, to skip Sky Jump altogether and just go for an actual skydive. When I told this to the physical education teacher that I had at that time, he mentioned that it is extremely scary, but also that it is totally worth it. Then a friend that was a girl told me that I was brave to want to go skydiving. My mind has truly, for the most part, except a little bit because of the horrible Morphsuit, been desiring, and longing for that day when my dream does come true. I have watched a good amount of skydiving videos, and I have visited many skydiving websites that are for different cities not only in the United States, but also around the world. I also have even called the skydiving places before, but then hung up just as the people who work there were about to answer just because I wanted to. This skydiving dream is so near and is so important to me because I have been patiently waiting for four years so that I can realize this dream. When I first told my mom about this dream, she told me that I could do it, but apparently she didn't want to be there for me. Her mind has changed dramatically as now she does certainly want to be at the drop-zone when the day arrives when I get to jump out of an airplane for the very first time. I'm so absolutely glad that my mom wants to be there for me so that when I do successfully skydive, both me and her can celebrate a significant milestone in my life. I also remember the time that I told my best friend Bryan about this dream and how he was basically just speechless when I told him my complete story and how badly I want to achieve this wish. 

           There are many distinctive reasons why I do want to go skydiving, and a lot of those reasons deal with the idea of being free.