So Much More

Don't Forget

After dealing with the police, Niall hops into my car. I drive away with a warning, and a snide remark not to smoke “it’ll kill your lungs you idiot”. Thanks police officer, like I don’t know what harms me. Niall says nothing as I drive, still slightly pissed off at Ana. Although, there is a feeling of guilt somewhere in me that causes me not to drive straight to make out point.

“Where shall we go, Irish boy? Ever been in the city?” I look over at him, and swerve the car on accident. He grips the ‘oh shit’ handle fiercely.  I mumble sorry. Maybe I should get to know this boy a little. That’s so not my style. I don’t give a shit about what his family is like or what he likes. I just want to get my fix and get out. Fuck and Forget. That’s my style.

“What about a club? Or a Starbucks? I don’t know. I’m tired love,” the fake blonde rests his head on his hand. He does look tired, stressed out even.  Ana’s words echo in my mind.

“Aw fuck. I give, let’s go to the drive in,” I sigh, and make a sharp right. Hm maybe coffee is a good idea though. I whip out my phone and press for Siri.

“Where’s the nearest drive-thru Starbucks Siri?” She gives the directions, so I toss my phone to Niall. It lands in his lap, earning a surprised expression on his face.

“Be my co-pilot, nerd”

We drive for about 30 minutes, getting our hot drinks and then going to the drive in. The drive is mostly quiet. To be honest, I don’t know what to say. I wait for him to say something. Eventually, he does.

“What’s a drive-in?” he asks gently. I want to laugh and ask if he’s serious, but when I glance his way, there is no joking manner to him.

“It’s a place to take your car and watch movies in your car. Like a movie theater, only in your car and the movie plays through your radio and theres a huge projector screen where you can see the movie,” he nods.

“So will this drive in be playing a movie at midnight?” shit. I didn’t think of that. But I’m not going to tell him it’s a nice secluded place to get laid.

“Nope. We’re going just to drink and talk, if that’s alright with you?” again, I turn towards him and that fucking smile of his is right there on his face lighting up the car. It’s contagious as hell. I smile too as I drive on the grass to get into the drive in.

The drive in is deserted, as expected for midnight on a Sunday night. I park at the top of the hill and turn of the car. Without thinking, I get out and hop into the back seat. Niall follows me and slides in the back right next to me, our legs almost touching.

Propping my feet up after I grab my coffee and hand Niall his tea, I settle in to the soft seats.

“So blondie, what are you about?”

“I’m about football and traveling, and hanging out with my mates. How about yourself, girlie?” he doesn’t seem too pleased to be out, and he looks even more ragged than when I picked him up.

“Hmm, why don’t we cut the shit. I’m no good at small talk, or pretending so I’ll be honest. You’re attractive, and I’d like to sleep with you,” I say nonchalantly, but I can feel my face get hot, so I turn away. What is this, am I ashamed? It must be what Ana said. Fucking Ana making me give a shit. I stare down at my hands while I wait for a reply.

The seat shifts and Niall’s pressed very closes to my side.  I peek up at him, and his look is not shy, or tired. It’s almost.. empty.

“Then so be it,” he whispers before pushing his lips hard to mine. I fall back against the door and Niall maneuvers in between my legs. His chest presses heavily against mine. Pretty soon he’s on top of me and his hands are inching up my tank top and feeling my chest intimately. I am not in control at all.

Niall sits up and pulls off his shirt, and begins to undo his jeans. I undress myself as well, removing my bra and pants, to make it easier. He looks at me, almost amused, but with a small sadness. Following my first instinct, I rise to meet him and kiss his lips, but softer. He seems to melt into me and lets me take over. Slowly, I begin to kiss the corner of his mouth, then his jaw line, to his neck. I continue down to his collarbone but stop when I feel his hands on my shoulders.

“I don’t want that. Not from you,” Odd. Whatever. This time he lays back and I straddle him. He looks so good beneath me. I can’t help but kiss him again, a smile on my face as I do. Yet, he still doesn’t look like he’s having the best time.

“If I didn’t know you initiated this, I would think you weren’t enjoying yourself,” I whisper on his cheek, grinding on him as I speak. A soft groan falls from his lips near my ears, making me feel satisfied.

“Something’s been on my mind,”

“Tell me darling, so I can make you feel better,”

“This won’t mean anything to you will it?” Holy shit. He’s asking me if this is just a fuck. What do I say?

“Why do you ask that?”

“You seem to know what you’re doing, and you didn’t want to get to know me before getting naked,” He holds my hands to stop me from my routine. Aw fuck. He caught me. Again, I feel the shame. Damn it. I just wanted to get laid, but for some god damn reason the whole world is against me. Maybe this boy is different? What the hell?

“What would you do if I said you’re right?” I squeeze my eyes. He shifts a little, but can’t move because I am, in fact, still on top of him.

“it might change my mind about this, but I have a feeling you’re a bit different than I assumed, Emmy,” at the sound of my name I shiver, “So that doesn’t give me any regrets at what I’m about to do,”

In an instant, I am on my back again, dominated by this Irish boy. He kisses and sucks along my neck earning genuine sounds from my mouth. He’s actually a good lover. I wrap my legs around his hips, and he pushes them into me, letting me feel just how unregretful he is. I gasp in surprise at his boldness. He has such a clash of bold and shy, it makes my head spin.

“Just promise me one thing Emmy,” he whispers roughly against my ear, his breath hot against my skin.

“What?” Before he answers, he pushes himself onto me again and grinds forward.

“Niall,” I moan,

“Promise me you’ll let me figure you out. I want to understand you,” Up until that point my eyes had been closed. But I opened them, when the only sounds in the car were our harsh breathing. Staring back at me, Niall’s piercing blue eyes looked into me, so full of honesty and caring; it made me want to cry. It made me remember something I didn’t want to think about right now. Tears threaten my eyes but I refuse to get emotional when I’m about to get the best sex ever. It can wait.

I nod my head, even though I know that’s something I can never be able to do again. Even if Niall reminds me of my dead ex-boyfriend. I can’t afford to let someone in again.

“Promise me, Emmy” he says firmly.

“I promise,” my voice cracks and a small tear escapes as he continues kissing me, making tonight a night there’s no way I can forget. Making Niall someone who I’ll never forget, because he saw right through me.