falling like rain / jack harries fanfic

xix

jack } dec. 16th } 689 days before

I stared up at the ceiling of the office, my eyes glazed over and bags under my eyes. i haven't a had a full night of sleep for 4 days now-- only nights of tossing and turning. this was the first day i managed to come to the office. the days before this were spent staring at the ceiling of my bedroom and mindless video game playing. i don't even like video games.

my finger hovered over her number, my breath quivering and my hand shaking. what am i even going to say? she doesn't want to talk to me; she won't ever want to talk to me. i took a deep breath and pressed the call button.

shit, shit, shit- what am doing? i can't do this, i can't do this, i can't do this-

"hello?"

i felt my entire body freeze-- my throat clenched, my mouth cement-- i couldn't speak. i took a deep breath and tried to regain life.

"jack, i don't know if this is a good idea."

with every word she said i only felt more and more of an inability to speak. i felt my heart rate skyrocket and my head start to spin; i couldn't do this, i need to stop, i need to stop.

"are you even there?"

i choked back the tears and held my hand steady on the phone.

"jack, i'm going to hang up now,"

"noelle -"

i heard a long beep and quickly looked down at my phone to see that the call had ended immediately after i had spoken. she hung up.

i stared at the picture of her that i had put in for the contact photo. it was taken at her flat, right after we had gone out for coffee or something. she was laughing about something, her eyes bright and her smile big. i snapped a photo before she could even realise it. she looked so beautiful, so natural-- she was who i feel in love with.

i felt a tear run down my cheek as i looked at the photo longer. she is so, so incredible in every way possible; and i lost her. they always say to give yourself time about these things and say that it'll go away sometime but the thing is-- i don't think this will. i really don't. you don't forget someone this special, do you?

i slammed the phone across my desk and wrapped my arms around my head. i started to cry harder than i had ever before- harder than i had when i was outside her flat that one miserable night.

it's all my fault, noelle, it's all my fault.

God, i miss you, noelle.

i miss you.

noelle }

i stared at my phone with my hands quivering and my eyes foggy.

he called me.

my hands were still shaking as i set my phone down.

he called me.

i swallowed and stared at my laptop screen.

"noelle? are you ok?"

i looked to ashley, the new chief editor, her eyes lined with concern.

"oh yeah, um... yeah, i'm fine." i smiled weakly.

she raised her eyebrows and smirked. "oh, are you really?"

i genuinely laughed for the first time in 4 days and rolled my eyes. "i really don't know, honestly."

she sat down in the chair by my side and looked at me with wide, concerned eyes.

"noelle, babe. what happened?"

i swallowed and ran my hand through my hair. i shrugged and let out a long sigh.

"i dunno... a lot happened, i just..."

"does it have to do with that hot guy that used to walk with you to work?"

i blinked back the memories of jack holding my hand, leading me up the steps to the office. i pushed back the thought of jack and i running to get out of the rain, or even the earliest memory of him under the umbrella.

i nodded and blinked back my tears. "do you ever just think.... wrongly about someone? that maybe they were a lot different they turned out to be?"

ashley frowned and stroked my back. "what did he do do you noelle?"

"it's ... it's mostly my fault, i got too overwhelmed and told him to leave and now it's just...."my sobs cut me off and i put my face in my hands.

ashley wrapped her arms around me and stroked my back more.

"oh, oh, noelle, baby..." she breathed.

i continued to sob, harder and louder than before, catching the attention of everyone in the office.

"it's ok, it's ok." she sighed, patting my back.

i wiped my eyes and looked up to everyone's eyes on me. ashley glared and rubbed my back.

"oh, don't watch her like that." she told everyone, sending them back to work.

i smiled weakly and sniffed.

"i'm fine, really, i'm fine..."

"what you need is a coffee, ok? here, take my punch card and get yourself a deluxe latte in the cafeteria. you need it." ashley helped me up and handed me her almost - used up punch card. she nearly pushed me out the door and into the hallway.

i staggered down the hall, down the stairs and into the cafeteria. it was just before lunch, so only a couple people were trickling in. christmas music was softly playing, reminding me that - oh yeah, the holidays are a thing.

i went up to the self serve espresso machine and began making myself my latte. i smelled the warm smells of the coffee and smiled, wiping my tears from my red eyes. i sipped my hot drink and nearly forgot about all that i was sobbing about just a couple moments ago.

i went up to the counter and handed the worker my punch card.

"have a nice day ma'am." he smiled warmly, returning the card.

i sipped my latte and turned around, only to spit it back in my cup at who i nearly ran into.

him.